


I'll Be Right Behind You/Take Me With You

by K17L53



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Character Death, F/F, Modern AU, and clexa mostly, clexa au, the 100 au, where clarke's friends are a bunch of idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-04-18 01:23:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 59,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4687133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K17L53/pseuds/K17L53
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lincoln is crashing with a ridiculously hot friend (Lexa) and Clarke is very single. Raven has an idea Clarke probably won't approve of and for some reason, Lincoln goes along with it.</p><p>or</p><p>"My friends are dumb and wanna set us up and I AM SO SORRY"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First ever clexa fic because these idiots have taken over my life. Also like the second time I've written anything AU so please be gentle.  
> First ever fic on AO3 so I'm kinda nervous.  
> The fic kinda started with me listening to "Shut Up and Dance" but then took on a life of its own and now it has nothing to do with the song.

An unexpected knock on the door brought Lexa back to reality from her _Game of Thrones_ binge watch. Although she had read the first three books, Lexa had never really watched the TV adaptation. That paired with the fact that it was a slow week and not much work to do over the weekend, made it a no brainer really. Second day in, she was just finishing up with season 1.

 

She paused her episode and turned her head towards Lincoln’s bedroom door – which remained shut. Reluctantly, she swung her legs of the couch and stood up with a sigh.

 

The person on the other side started speaking even before she could open the door enough to see who it was. “O, I swear to go-” But stopped abruptly at the sight of Lexa. “You’re not O…” The blonde with the impossibly blue eyes pointed out, letting her shoulders drop “…or Lincoln.”

 

 _Friends of Lincoln’s should’ve known._ She thought to herself. Although Lexa wanted to respond, she seemed to have gotten lost in those blue eyes. Someone clearing their throat a second later brought her back to her senses. “Sorry,” she muttered shaking her head. “Can I help you?”

 

The girl, who Lexa could only refer to as the blonde, seemed distracted when her friend – who she didn’t realize was there till now – spoke. “Is there a Lincoln here or do we have the wrong place?” Not a hint of hesitation in her voice considering how they could’ve possibly knocked on a stranger’s door. As a matter of fact, she actually sounded…mildly pissed off. _What…?_

 

“Yeah, yeah Lincoln's here. Come on in.” She held the door open for them. The mildly pissed off one – _fine_ , the brunette – entered first with the blonde trailing close behind who muttered a small thank you. “I’ll get him.”

 

Lexa walked up to Lincoln's bedroom door, a couple of feet away from the blonde and the brunette who were now standing in her living room – their names still unknown to Lexa – and knocked. “Lincoln?” She called. “A couple of your friends are here.”

 

Walking back to the two girls, she spoke, “Friends of Lincoln or Octavia?”

 

“Octavia’s so Lincoln’s too I guess.” The blonde replied with a smile. “I’m Clarke by the way.” She held out her hand for Lexa.

 

“Lexa,” she replied, shaking the blon-… _Clarke’s_ hand.

 

The two probably held on for a moment too long because the brunette decided to step in once again. “Raven,” She said with a small smile and Lexa shook hands.

 

Lincoln’s door swung open a moment later, “I’ll leave you guys to it.” Lexa managed a polite smile before walking to what Clarke and Raven could only assume was her bedroom and closed the door.

 

“Damn Lincoln. That’s who you’re crashing with?” Raven said to Lincoln before turning her view to Octavia who was standing right next to him. “If I were you, I’d be worried.”

 

Lincoln and Octavia met about a week ago at her brother’s coffee shop, _The Ark_. They had clicked instantly and both Clarke and Raven seemed to have _approved_ of him. He told them he was new in town and still looking for a place so he was crashing with a friend.

 

“Hi Raven. Its nice to see you too.” Lincoln started. “And it’s not like that. Lexa’s like a sister to me.”

 

“And besides,” Octavia stepped in. “It’s not like she’s into Lincoln…or any other guy.”

 

“But her shirt sai-” Clarke started but got was cut off by Lincoln.

 

“My sister, got it for her as a joke.” He explained.

 

Clarke only nodded in acknowledgment. However, Raven’s face took on a look Clarke and Octavia knew all too well. “Raven.” She warned her friend.

 

Pretending not to have heard her, she continued. “Is she…seeing anyone?”

 

“No bu-” Lincoln started but was soon cut off by Raven.

 

“Well isn’t that a coincidence.” Faking her innocence was one of the very few things Raven Reyes was bad at. “Neither is Clarke.”

 

“Please stop.” Clarke made another desperate attempt at stopping her friend from playing matchmaker…again.

 

“Yeah.” Octavia agreed. “and Clarke hasn’t be-”

 

However, before she could finish, Clarke cut her off. “I’m already mad at you O, don’t make it worse.”

 

Raven had opened her mouth to speak but Octavia beat her to it. “Wait, what? Why are you mad at me?”

 

Raven’s face changed in a flash as she crossed her arms and looked disapprovingly at Octavia.

 

“Bell’s apartment?” Clarke tried to remind her.

 

Realization dawned on her. “Oh…”

 

“You down right _abandoned_ me and Clarke to help him unload and unpack his stuff.” Raven exaggerated.

 

Bellamy Blake, Octavia’s very protective, very loving older brother – kind of like a brother to Clarke too; the coffee shop owner; had just moved into a new apartment and the three of them – O, Raven and Clarke – were supposed to help with unpack today; only O completely ‘ _forgot_ ’.

 

After a few seconds of silence, Octavia spoke up, seemingly perplexed, “Wait, you guys came all the way here to what? Tell me off…?”

 

Clarke rolled her eyes with a sigh as Raven threw her head back and groaned.

 

“Movie night, O.” Lincoln spoke up.

 

“Remember? You, me, Clarke, Bellamy, Lincoln.” Raven reminded.

 

“Monty and Jasper might join us too.” Clarke added.

 

“Hey Lincoln?” From Raven’s suggestive tone, it sounded like a ‘ _brilliant_ ’ idea had come to her.

 

Clarke knew what that meant, “Raven don’t.”

 

Raven, once again, pretended not to have heard her best friend and continued. “Would Lexa maybe like to join us?”

 

“Oh god no.” Clarke whispered, falling onto the couch and letting her head fall into her hands. “Lincoln, I like you.” Her voice was muffled through her palms, “Please stop listening to Raven.”

 

Lincoln also pretended to have not have heard her. “You know what? You’re right.”

 

“Aren’t I always?” Raven asked rhetorically, not missing a beat.

 

“It’s been a while since Lexa was seeing someone and she could use a break her work.”

 

“OH. MY. GOD.” Clarke exclaimed, her voice low and deep as she brought her head up to look at her so-called friends. “O, help.” She let out a whine, probably a bit too loud and hoped Lexa hadn’t heard that.

 

However, Octavia did nothing but watch with an amused smile on her face. Her boyfriend taking Raven’s side and going along with her ridiculous plans to set up Clarke with his really hot roommate? Well, that’s not something you see everyday.

 

“I’ll ask her.” Lincoln said with a smile as he began making his way to Lexa’s bedroom.

 

“I hate everyone.” Clarke said to no one in particular nodding with a slight shrug like it’s a known fact.

 

. 

 

“Lex,” Lincoln knocked on her door.

 

“Its open.” Came her voice from the other side.

 

Opening the door just enough to pop his head inside he started, “You met Clarke right?”

 

Looking up from the file she had been writing in, Lexa replied, “Yeah, why?”

 

“Movie night at her and O’s place. They were wondering if you wanted to join us.”

 

“Uh…” Lexa was looking for a semi-believable excuse to not go. She really just wanted them all to leave so she could go back to watching _Game of Thrones_ …but there was a small part of her that wanted to. There was something about Octavia’s blonde friend, – umm, Clarke – which Lexa couldn’t quite put her finger on.

 

“Not too many people. The three of them, Octavia’s brother, and me. Also _maybe_ two of their friends. They don’t bother showing up half the time.”

 

She thought it over, contemplating whether this friend of O’s was worth getting dressed and leaving the house for.

 

“I know you don’t have too much work this weekend.” Lincoln reminded her. Maybe she shouldn’t have told him that.

 

Finally sighing in defeat, Lexa gave in. Clarke apparently outweighed _Game of Thrones_ and she’d only known her for what? 10 seconds? For all she knew, Clarke could be straight. “Fine, give me a minute. I’ll be right out.”

 

Lincoln gave her a small smile as he closed the door behind him and walked back to the girls.

 

They were all staring at him intently when O spoke. “Well?!”

 

“She’s in.” He let them know. And Raven let out a triumphant _yes_.

 

“O?” Clarke called.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I don’t like your boyfriend anymore.” She said simply. Obviously she was joking and Octavia and Lincoln knew that. If anything he’s probably one of the nicest guys Clarke’s ever met.

 

Octavia feigned seriousness “I’ll let him know.”

 

.

 

Lexa put her file down once the door closed and stood up. It took her less than a minute to change out of the shorts she had been wearing and into a pair of skinny jeans (she wouldn’t have bothered if it wasn’t getting a bit chilly outside). Contemplating whether she needed to change her t-shirt, Lexa looked down at the one she was wearing. _Oh. My. God. Was I really wearing_ this _t-shirt in front of them?_ A t-shirt that said, “Boner donor” with a red cross on it probably didn’t make the best first impression. _Why am I even wearing it?_ Hopefully Clarke – and Raven – hadn’t noticed…? If they had, they didn’t say anything.

 

.

 

A couple of minutes after Clarke had realized her friends were probably the worst people ever, Lexa’s door opened as she walked out to meet them. _Fuck,_ Clarke thought as she caught a glimpse of her. _I am so fucked_. She was probably staring but couldn’t really make herself look away. Yes, she had realized Lincoln had a really hot roommate when they first got here…but Lexa looked so much better with her hair down; soft brown curls, framing her perfect face perfect-…

 

“Aww I liked the other shirt you were wearing.” Raven said to Lexa, faking disappointment and brining Clarke out of her thoughts.

 

Clarke shot her a look, which undoubtedly said ‘shut up’.

 

Lexa looked away from Raven uneasily. Her eyes moving between Octavia and Clarke as she tried to break the awkwardness, “So…what are we watching?”

 

“Bellamy,” Octavia started before realizing Lexa probably didn’t know who that was. “My brother, he’s picking tonight.”

 

“War movie probably.” Raven chimed in. “He has a thing for it.”

 

“I think we’re watching _Fury_.” Clarke said.

 

“Oh I haven’t watched that one yet.” Lincoln spoke up.

 

A chorus of ‘ _watched_ _it_ ’s and ‘ _I have_ ’s erupted from the girls.

 

“But it’s a good movie so we’re up for watching it again.” Clarke spoke for the rest of them as they nodded along.

 

.

 

“So me, Lincoln and Lexa are gonna take his car;” Octavia said as they walked up to their parked cars. “you and Raven take yours?”

 

“Yeah,” Raven said with an over enthusiastic smile.

 

“Oh no.” Clarke shook her head. “Not after what you just pulled. You’re gonna drive me nuts.”

 

“Umm okay.” Lincoln interjected with a smile. “Then she can ride with us.”

 

Lexa seemed confused and Clarke really wanted to explain but didn’t know how to do that without making things awkward. “What? So the three of you can scare her off?”

 

“I don’t…” Lexa muttered, speaking for the first time since they’d left her apartment. “I don’t think they can scare me off.”

 

Octavia and Lincoln nodded before Octavia spoke. “Okay. Then the three of us,” She said indicating herself, Lincoln and Raven “will take Lincoln's car. You and Lexa can take yours.”

 

Clarke narrowed her eyes at O. Clearly there was no way she was winning tonight.

 

“I’m more than happy to take my car if…” Lexa pointed out but was cut off by Clarke before she could finish.

 

“No no. They just really hate me.” Clarke smiled. “Besides, parking’s a bitch at our place. And you guys,” she looked at O, Lincoln and Raven, “can scheme away in peace and I’ll have nothing to do with it.”

 

“So you’re okay going with Clarke?” Octavia asked Lexa.

 

She just shrugged, she didn’t really get what the big deal was. “Yeah why not?”

 

“Clarke?” Octavia asked, making sure her best friend was okay with it, not that it really mattered when it came to things like this.

 

“Yeah. If it means not having to listen to you guys for a while, please.”

 

With that they all got into their respective cars and pulled out. After driving for a solid minute in complete silence – a comfortable silence weirdly enough – Clarke spoke “I love them. I really do.” She glanced at Lexa for a split second before turning her eyes back to the road. “And they love me. This is just how they show it. Although it drives me crazy…” She trailed off.

 

Lexa only nodded before blurting out “What were you guys talking about back then?” It probably had nothing to do with her so she added quickly, “Sorry. Its probably none of my concern.”

 

“No it’s alright. Half the time I don’t even know what’s going on.”

 

“Are they like planning a murder or something? ‘cause I should know stuff like that.” Lexa feigned seriousness.

 

Clarke did a little double. “If they were planning a murder, why would want to know? Wouldn’t you want to be as far away from that as possible?”

 

“I’m not a hired gun if that’s what you’re getting at.”

 

“That’s a relief.” Clarke joked, going as far as letting out a sigh of relief.

 

Lexa smiled. _I really am fucked._ Clarke thought. _That smile can probably light up the worl- fuck? I_ just _met her…? Maybe slow down a bit_. “So what do you do and why should you know if someone’s planning a murder?”

 

Lexa’s smile widened at the ridiculous blonde sitting beside her. She doesn’t really remember the last time someone had that effect on her. “Homicide detective.” She replied.

 

“That’s so cool!” Clarke exclaimed.

 

“And you?”

 

“Med school.” She replied matter-of-factly.

 

“Impressive.” Lexa noted.

 

They drove in silence for a few more minutes before Clarke spoke again. “Oh right. You asked me what they were talking about.”

 

“Oh yeah,” Lexa hadn’t really forgotten, just went along with Clarke. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to though.”

 

She did want to tell her but that could potentially make things awkward between them. “They were talking about setting us up together.” Clarke said factually

 

“Us? As in the two of us?” Lexa asked in confusion.

 

“Yep.”

 

“Oh. “ Lexa was almost certain Clarke was straight. “Wait, why?” She asked quickly.

 

“Does Lincoln do that a lot?” Clarke wondered if he was as bad as Raven and Octavia.

 

“Not usually. Was this his idea?”

 

“Raven’s. Lincoln was the first one to back her up though; and Octavia just stood there and watched.”

 

The car stopped at a red light. “According to him, you haven’t really been with anyone in a while.” Clarke stated.

 

“He’s not wrong.” Lexa stated, not missing a beat as Clarke continued.

 

“And according to my friends, I haven’t either.”

 

“Are they wrong?” The moment the question left her mouth, she wanted to take it. This wasn’t her place.

 

“Well…I guess one-night stands don’t really qualify as ‘seeing someone’ so no, they’re not wrong.” From Clarke’s tone, it didn’t seem like she’d minded Lexa’s question. “Sorry, this is getting weird.”

 

“No no, its fine. I’m not really the dating type.” Lexa said trying not make it sound like she wasn’t interested in Clarke. “And Lincoln knows that. Its just…work. It takes up all my time.”

 

“I know what you mean. Well not work-work, study-work. The fact that I can take the night off to watch a movie is a miracle.”

 

Lexa nodded with a small smile.

 

.

 

They drove in silence up until Clarke pulled up by her and Octavia’s apartment. “Here we are.” She pulled the keys out of the ignition and they both got out.

 

“Hey,” Clarke called out as she watched Lincoln’s car pull up by her’s.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I’m really sorry about Octavia and Raven tonight. They like to play matchmaker and will probably drive you insane. So if you want to leave in the middle of the movie, I’d completely get you. Just…take me with you…?”

 

Lexa gave her a small smile “Will do.” Nodding she added, “Or if they embarrass you too much and you need to step out, I’ll be right behind you.”

 

With that they walked inside and waited for the others to join them.

 

“Oh and Lexa?”

 

“Hmm,” She hummed in response.

 

“The other shirt was cuter.” Clarke tried to not laugh but failed.

 

Lexa only rolled her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, that's the first chapter. I'm kinda not sure where this is going BUT I'm halfway through chapter 2.  
> Raven is awesome I know and I'm sorry if I made her sound....idk annoying or something. I'll do my best to fix it.
> 
> Oh if u're wondering what Lexa's shirt looked like  
> https://40.media.tumblr.com/f994abc241781ea293c40974a1a94d84/tumblr_ntvowlkQYt1uv2oero1_400.jpg
> 
> Suggestions/questions/just wanna yell at me for how bad this was/maybe tell me it wasn't that bad?  
> My ask is always open at k17l53.tumblr.com


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Movie night with Clarke, Raven, O, Lincoln and Lexa. There's a bit of brollarke. Raven embarrassing Clarke in front of Lexa even more. Jasper and Monty show up. And also clexa. Well that's the point of the fic I guess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much really happens in this chapter really. But it was kinda fun writing it.

“My best friend, Anya, got it for me as a joke.” Lexa explained her _boner_ _donor_ t-shirt to Clarke.

 

“Lincoln’s sister?” Clarke asked.

 

Lexa nodded as the others joined them.

 

The first thing Lexa noticed upon entering Clarke and Octavia’s apartment was that there was already someone there.

 

“Bell, I’m so sorry about today.” Octavia said as she rushed over to the figure sitting on the living room carpet in front of the TV.

 

Lexa thought it was safe to assume that it was her brother, Bellamy who stood up trying to look at his sister disapprovingly, but failed. Instead he gave her a genuine smile, “Don’t worry about it. But I don’t think Clarke and Raven were too happy about it.” He looked up at the other two girls when he noticed Lexa for the first time. “Hi,” Bell gave her smile, which even Lexa had to admit was pretty charming – if she was into that.

 

She smiled back, “Hey,”

 

“I don’t think we’ve met.” He pointed out, taking a step towards her.

 

Lexa knew all too well what that meant and opened her mouth to say something when Raven spoke, “Don’t even.” Well it was more of a warning.

 

Clarke rolled her eyes. Even if Raven told him why not, it was very unlikely that Bellamy would go along with that ridiculous plan of hers…then again, Lincoln did, and that was very unexpected.

 

“And why not?” He challenged as he turned to look at Raven.

 

“I umm,” Lexa jumped in before Raven could say anything. “How do I put this…I-” _Cut off by Raven. Again, awesome._

 

“She’s Clarke’s.”

 

Clarke let out a raspy “Whaaaa…?” as her eyes comically widened. “I am so sorry.” She turned quickly to Lexa before going back to Raven. “Stop. PLEASE.”

 

Raven sighed and decided to let it go for now. Turning to Bellamy, she asked “So _Fury_?”

 

His face lit up, “Yep.” And motioned towards the TV as he walked back to where he had been sitting. The others followed – minus Clarke, who walked towards the kitchen – and sat down.

 

“Okay, what did you two do this time?” She heard him ask as they walked away.

 

Lexa, instead of following everyone else, followed Clarke. “Are you alright?” she’s not really sure why she thought she needed to ask that.

 

“I’m really sorry, Raven’s awesome…most of the time. Tonight…” Clarke apologized, trying to find the right words but soon gave up. “…it’s just not my night.”

 

Lexa shrugged it off, “Don’t worry about it.”

 

“I’m used to it; its kinda entertaining most of the time,” Clarke went on as she opened the refrigerator and pulled out two bottles of beer, holding on up to Lexa who muttered a small _thanks_ , taking the bottle before Clarke continued, “I just don’t want her to make you uncomfortable.”

 

Lexa gave her another small smile, “I’m fine. Really.”

 

With that, the two of them walked over to the living room where everyone else was already seated. Bellamy and Raven on floor, their backs against either ends of the couch Lincoln and Octavia were sitting on. There was enough space between them and Clarke decided to sit down next to Bellamy, leaving Lexa no choice but to sit between Clarke – which she didn’t mind – and Raven – which she didn’t mind either, she just didn’t want the blonde to have to suffer anymore for her sake.

 

“Sorry we started without you, Princess.” Bellamy said to Clarke as they sat down. “But I know you guys watched it,” he looked around “Minus Lincoln.”

 

“It’s an awesome movie, Bell, we don’t mind.” Octavia replied.

 

“You didn’t get us one?” Raven asked, motioning towards the bottle in Clarke’s hand.

 

“That’s what you get for pulling what you pulled tonight.” Clarke said with a “ _polite_ ” smile.

 

Lexa was actually glad she was sitting between Raven and Clarke, it was going to be an entertaining night.

 

“So you’re all suffering because of Raven?” Bellamy asked, his eyes still glued to the TV screen.

 

“And Lincoln.” Lexa added.

 

Clarke looked around at the others, mock annoyance, “At least someone’s taking my side.” Bellamy gave a half smile and nodded.

 

Raven spoke, “Octavia’s as much to blame as the two of us.”

 

O just shrugged and responded calmly yet defensively, “I just stood there really.”

 

“I’ll get it.” Lincoln said as he began to get up.

 

“Last two bottles,” Clarke tilted her head back to look up at him as she held out her bottle.

 

Lexa bit her lower lip, restraining herself from laughing as everyone around them let out a chorus of ‘ _OHHH_ ’s.

 

“That’s low, Griffin. Even for you.” Raven said but immediately looked over at Bellamy who somehow had a bottle in his hand. “Seriously dude?”

 

“Well you guys did keep me waiting.” He smiled. “Also, you guys shouldn’t have done what you did.”

 

“This is why I love you, Bell.” Clarke said, placing her head on his shoulder for a split second before turning to Lexa and saying in a quiet voice, “He’s the better Blake.”

 

“Shut up, you love me.” Octavia interjected.

 

Before Clarke could respond, there was a knock on the door. “I got it.” Bellamy stood up and went to answer it.

 

Clarke reached for the remote and paused it. “This is usually how movie nights go.” She told Lexa. “We don’t really watch the first half of the movie.”

 

Lexa only nodded as Jasper and Monty walked up.

 

“Look who _finally_ decided to show up for once.” Octavia said with a smile.

 

“And we brought pizza and beer.” Monty set them down on the coffee table as Raven reached for a bottle. She opened it and took a sip before handing a couple to Octavia, for herself and Lincoln – who refused saying he was driving back. Lexa hadn’t thought of that but figured one beer wouldn’t make a difference.

 

Bellamy sat back down, clicked play and leaned into Clarke’s ear, “There’re more bottles in there, right?”

 

Clarke gave a small nod. Both her and Bellamy went unnoticed by everyone other than Lexa – who caught herself paying a bit too much attention to the blonde sitting (almost too close) next to her – which Clarke realized. “I’m not a terrible person, I swear,” She told the brunette.

 

“I guess it was justified.”

 

Clarke gave her a nod, “Thank you.”

 

“Oh!” Clarke suddenly said as Jasper and Monty sat down, Monty on the floor by Raven and Jasper on the couch. “Lexa, this is Jasper,” She said motioning towards the one with the messy hair and glasses. “And this is Monty.” She nodded towards his friend.

 

Monty gave a smile accompanied by a smallwave. Lexa gave them both a quiet _hi_. Jasper however seemed to be staring.

 

After a couple of seconds, Bellamy waved his hand in front of Jasper, “Earth to Jasper.” He said raising his voice a bit. “Stop staring.”

 

“Hi.” He finally said with a lopsided grin, which Lexa – and everyone else in the room – knew all too well.

 

She tried, she really did, but couldn’t stop herself from rolling her eyes. “Sorry,” she started. “I don’t…”

 

“She’s wit-” Raven was shut down as fast as she started.

 

“DON’T EVEN.” Clarke stopped her.

 

“I’m not into guys.” Lexa told him with a forced smile.

 

“Oh,” He looked like someone had kicked his puppy, making Lexa feel guilty.

 

Clarke, apparently noticed and leaned towards her, “He’s fine, give him a couple of minutes and this never even happened.”

 

For the next 15 minutes or so, it was quiet. Everyone was pretty drawn into the movie. But for some reason, Lexa found it very hard to pay attention to anything but Clarke Griffin. There was just something about her that Lexa couldn’t quite put her finger on. Her eyes were insanely blue and her hair a striking blonde, but that wasn’t it; there was something mor– Her phone vibrating in her pocket interrupted her train of thought. Lexa scanned her eyes over the text.

 

 

> **Lincoln**
> 
> **9:08PM**
> 
> You could just ask her out.

 

Her head shot up, turning around abruptly to look behind her. Clarke and Raven seemed a little taken back by the sudden movement, Raven almost getting whipped in the face by Lexa’s hair.

 

Lexa opened her mouth to say something only to realize Lincoln’s eyes were still glued to the TV – and genuinely watching the movie – there’s no way he sent that text a second ago. Octavia on the hand…

 

“O what are you up to?” Clarke asked, noticing the way Lexa was looking at her.

 

“What do you mean what am I up to?” She asked in return innocently. Clarke had to admit, it was pretty convincing.

 

Clarke opened her mouth but didn’t really know what had happened. She tilted her head slightly towards Lexa and asked quickly in a small voice, “What is she up to?”

 

Lexa let out a small puff of laugh, her features softening as she just handed her phone. It took Clarke maybe a second to read the text before she rolled her eyes. “I’m not even gonna tell you off this time.” She told Octavia, shaking her head. “There’s literally no point.” Clarke shrugged and turned back around.

 

“I’m sorry.” Clarke apologized to Lexa yet again for her friends.

 

“Don’t worry about it.” Lexa shrugged it off. “Are they like this all the time?” She lowered her voice as everyone other than the two of them were very much into the movie.

 

“You mean are they like this every time literally anyone that’s single and attractive show up?” She paused just long enough for Lexa to nod before continuing, “Yeah. Yeah, they’re like this all the time.” _Oh my god, did I just call her attractive? To her face? What happened to playing it cool?_

 

It took a moment for Lexa to realize that Clarke may have just called her attractive. Realizing she was probably reading too much into it, Lexa tried to go back to the movie.

 

Everything went quiet once again. Only this time it lasted till the end of the movie. “That was amazing.” Bellamy said as the credits rolled on the screen.

 

“Awesome.” Lincoln added.

 

“Now I have to watch the beginning again. I didn’t think it’d be that good.” Jasper commented.

 

“Wow it’s getting late.” Lincoln said looking down at his watch causing everyone else to either look at their phone screens or their watches, which read _11:04pm._ “We should get going.” He gestured towards Lexa who only nodded and they both stand up.

 

“Us too.” Monty spoke up.

 

“Aww come on, its Friday night.” Octavia whined. “Its not that late.”

 

“I have work to catch up on.” Monty adds.

 

“Which means I do too.” Raven sighs, standing up.

 

“You guys work together?” Lexa asked. She wasn’t really sure what was making her actually ask stuff tonight. In most social situations like this one, Lexa was almost completely invisible; and she liked it that way, not having to talk to anyone, no one talking to her, almost no interaction whatsoever. But there was just something about not only Clarke but also the others that kind of put her at ease – even Raven. They felt like nice bunch and Lexa didn’t usually get that feeling from too many people.

 

“Yep,” Raven nodded. “Mechanical engineering,” she pointed her thumb at herself. “Computer/tech stuff.” She added pointing at Monty as though that was the actual name of his department.

 

Lexa nodded in acknowledgement.

 

“Thanks for coming over tonight.” Clarke told Lexa. “I’m sorry again for Octavia and Raven but there’s not really much I can do that will stop them.” She added with a shrug.

 

“I didn’t mind.” Lexa replied with a half smile. “Not really. I actually had a good time.”

 

“I’ll see you guys later.” Raven said, walking to the door. “Probably tomorrow.” She turned to look at Octavia and Clarke. The three of them rarely ever went over 24 hours without seeing each other. If you said that to someone who didn’t know them, it would probably be weird; but if you ask, say Bellamy, he’d say the weirdest thing was probably seeing one of them without the other.

 

“Do you need a ride?” Lincoln asked.

 

“Thanks but I just live across the street.” The fact that Raven ended up living across the street from O and Clarke was purely coincidental. It wasn’t because they were incapable of being too far away from each other. “The three of us,” She motioned towards O, Clarke and herself, “Need to be within like 3000 feet of one another.” Raven told Lexa and Lincoln seriously who muttered _okay_ s and nodded.

 

“Or there’s a possibility everyone around them will spontaneously combust. Especially if its just one of them and neither of the others are there to calm them down when something’s wrong.” Bellamy added.

 

“It’s true.” Octavia commented.

 

“Oh by the way,” Bellamy looked between his sister and Clarke. “Can I crash on your couch, my place is still a mess.”

 

“Yeah sure.” Octavia and Clarke said in unison. It wasn’t unusual for Bellamy to stay the night when he came over to their place at night. It was either because he was too tired or too drunk to go back. And the girls didn’t mind…unless either of them had company.

 

Lexa is the last one to exit the apartment. Clarke walks up to the door with her and they both notice Octavia is…busy down the hall with Lincoln and Raven’s not even on the same floor. “So…” Clarke starts once she’s sure neither of her friends are around. “Can we maybe swap phone numbers?” She hesitates before quickly adding, “So we could…I don’t know, talk or maybe hangout?” _God, this is awkward. How do I not sound pathetic?_ “You seem nice and I know you’re not a serial killer.” _That was WORSE._ “I mean like hangout but not like a date ‘cause I know you’re not into that.” By then, she was rambling. “I’m gonna stop now and pretend I knew what I was talking about.” She forced a smile.

 

Lexa was listening to her ramble on with an amused smile on her face. “Yeah sure.” She kind of regretted telling her she didn’t date. But on the other hand, Lexa’s not sure she’d be willing to date anyone even if it was someone like Clarke.

 

She hands Clarke her phone and Clarke does the same. As she types in her number, Lexa speaks “I would’ve asked you for your number sooner but I thought Lincoln, Octavia and Raven wouldn’t let that go. It would probably encourage them.”

 

Returning Lexa her phone, Clarke replied, “Smart call.”

 

“I’ll see you later,” Lexa said stepping out. “I guess.” And added quickly as Clarke was about to close the door.

 

“I’m counting on it.” The blonde flashed her a smile as she closed the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not too happy with this chapter so I thought I'd post it before I changed my mind. And hopefully chapter 3 will make up for it coz I'm enjoying writing it.
> 
> Oh right, if u're wondering how Anya and Lincoln are related, adopted siblings. Idk if I'll get the opportunity to actually say that in the fic so....


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia's an adorable little shit who loves annoying her best friend. Fair bit of Clarke, Bellamy and Octavia. And not too much of Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun writing this one so I hope you guys like it.
> 
> I'm a sucker for the Clarke, Bellamy and O dynamic so I that kinda found its way in here...along with another thing I'm a sucker for. And although there isn't much of Lexa, both her and Clarke are still adorable even in this little bit.

“Oh come on Clarke. SHE’S CUTE.” Octavia almost yelled as Clarke walked back to the living room.

 

“She’s right Clarke.” Bellamy backed up his sister for the first time.

 

“ _No_.” Clarke started. “No, not you too!” She exclaimed.

 

“I’m not taking their side.” He defended himself, but stopped abruptly. “Well, I am but I’m not gonna force you into a relationship.”

 

Clarke groaned in response as Bellamy continued. “They’re not wrong, okay?”

 

Clarke, once again, groaned in disapproval and disappointment.

 

“See even Bellamy sees it.” Octavia jumped in. “You _need_ this.” She added, dragging out the ‘ _need_ ’.

 

“Yeah, she’ll be good for you.” Bell commented.

 

“I barely know her.” Clarke reminded them with a shrug. “You barely know her.” She pointed towards Octavia. “And _you_ don’t even know her, like, AT ALL.” She said to Bellamy.

 

“Yeah but that doesn’t mean you – and us too – can’t get to know her.” Octavia pointed out.

 

“Oh my god, please stop.” Clarke said as she began walking towards her bedroom, the Blakes trailing closely behind. “I’m not looking for a relationship right now.”

 

“Relationships aren’t that bad.” Bellamy told her.

 

“I’m sorry, Bell.” Clarke stopped mid-stride and turned on her heel to look at them. “Who are you seeing at the moment?”

 

He sighed in defeat and Clarke took it as a cue to enter her room. Closing her door almost all the way, she poked her head out, “And besides, Lexa doesn’t do relationships.” With that she closed her door – well, almost – when Octavia practically yelled, “BUT I SAW YOU TWO SWAP PHONE NUMBERS.”

 

“That doesn’t mean anything. She seems like a decent person and I wouldn’t mind just hanging out or something, you know?”

 

“No Clarke, I don’t.” the brunette deadpanned. “I really don’t. When there’s a girl like Lexa, single and very much dateable _right there_ , why do you want to ‘just hang out’?” She added, making sure to put air quotations around the last bit.

 

“Good night O.” Clarke shut the door leaving Bellamy and Octavia alone.

 

A second of silence passed. “I will get them together.” She told Bellamy, her voice full of determination.

 

“And I don’t doubt it.” Bell sighed as he walked over to the couch and sat down while Octavia walked over to the kitchen for a glass of water. Determination looked cute on his baby sister.

 

“She left her phone here.” Octavia said to no one in particular, picking up what Bellamy assumed was Clarke’s phone from the kitchen counter; her voice quiet and dripping with excitement.

 

“Don’t do anything Clarke wouldn’t want you to. Please.” He told his sister knowing very well that’s exactly what she was about to do.

 

Within a couple of seconds, she had unlocked the phone and opened the messaging app and began typing; reading it out quietly to Bell as she typed, “Hey…Lexa…its Clarke. I was…wondering if you…wanted to-” She stopped at looked up at Bell and asked “Drink, dinner, movie?”

 

Bellamy thought for a moment before replying, “Movie followed by dinner?”

 

“Calm down bro, its just the first date. I’d say just movie but there’s nothing good on right now, unless they wanna watch something here or at Lexa’s place but I think it’s a bit too soon for that. So dinner?”

 

Bellamy nodded as his sister continued typing, “wanted to…grab dinner with… me-” She stopped again, “When?”

 

“Keep it open, let her decide.”

 

“Hmm, good thinking” She muttered. “with me…sometime.” She stopped and looked at her brother who nodded in approval. “And send.”

 

“And when are you gonna tell Clarke what you just did?”

 

“Once I get a reply.”

 

.

 

Lexa had just pulled up at a red light when her phone buzzed. _Please don’t be work please don’t be work please don’t be work_. She pulled it out from her pocket and unlocked the screen without looking at whom the text was from.

 

> **Clarke**
> 
> **11:19PM**
> 
> Hey Lexa, it’s Clarke.
> 
> I was wondering if you wanted to grab dinner with me some time.

 

Scanning her eyes over the text, Lexa was taken aback and had to read over it another couple of times just to be sure she was reading it correct. _Wait, is Clarke asking me out on a date…?_ Lexa was sure she’d made it clear that she wasn’t one for dating and from what she could tell, neither was Clarke. Maybe this wasn’t a date? _Just two people getting together for dinner?_ That seemed like unlikely in Lexa’s mind, this sounded more like a date. She sighed, thinking what to reply with, wanting to say no but her fingers began tapping on the screen before she could tell herself to stop and pressed sent. Spending time with Clarke didn’t seem too bad.

 

.

 

> **Lexa**
> 
> **11:20PM**
> 
> Yeah sure. My place? Tomorrow night if that’s all right?

 

“She said yes!” Octavia literally jumped with excitement.

 

“What’d she say?” Bell asked from the couch.

 

Octavia looked back down at the screen and recapped briefly, “Her place, tomorrow. If Clarke’s okay with that.”

 

“At her place?” Bellamy asked, impressed. “This could go your way O.”

 

“Clarke’s not busy tomorrow night, is she?”

 

“Nope, don’t think so.”

 

With that, Octavia typed out a reply and sent it to Lexa. Just as the phone said ‘ _delivered_ ’, she called out “Clarke you left your phone here.”

 

A split second of silence later, Clarke’s room’s door flew open as she almost ran over to her best friend. Bellamy hid his face behind the couch, not wanting Clarke to think he had anything to do with this.

 

“O, please tell me you didn’t.” She hoped desperately. But the grin on Octavia’s face said otherwise. “Oh my god, what did you do?”

 

“I asked her out.” She said simply. “Well, _you_ asked her out.”

 

“ _WHAT?_ ” Clarke exclaimed, taking the phone from her. “AND YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?” She said to Bellamy who didn’t respond. She quickly unlocked her phone and without looking at the texts, began typing out an apology.

 

“Stop typing, she said yes.”

 

Clarke stopped, her jaws clenching. “ _What?_ ”

 

“Dinner at her place tomorrow.” Octavia replied casually, not paying attention to the look in her best friend’s eyes which undoubtedly said ‘ _I’m gonna kill you_ ’. “So if you are gonna text her, ask what she likes and maybe get some takeout or something.”

 

“No, no.” Clarke started. “I’m starting off by apologizing for you.”

 

“Then ask her?” Octavia tried again, not paying attention to the anger apparent in Clarke’s voice.

 

The blonde sighed, “Fine.” And walked back to her room, closing the door behind her.

 

Clarke made her way to her bed and lay down. _This wasn’t a good thing right?_ Well, she definitely didn’t want to go on a date with anyone but for some reason she couldn’t get herself to text Lexa telling her what had actually happened and cancelling. _What is it about her?_ Yeah, it was kinda frustrating but Clarke had to admit, at least to herself, that there was something about Lexa that was…pulling her towards her…? _Well if I know one thing, it’s that that sounds stupid_. Closing her eyes, the only image she could see was Lexa. She could draw that face forever without getting tired of it. And what about that jaw? Its like god himself chiseled it. She could almost feel it flexing under her fingers when they ki-. _Jesus Christ Clarke, what the actual fuck?_ Her mind snapped at her just as her phone ringed. _Fuck_ , she thought as she looked at the called ID, _Lexa_.

 

“Hey,” She heard from the other side.

 

“Hey,” Clarke responded, “Listen about the text-”

 

“It was Octavia wasn’t it?” If Clarke didn’t know any better, she’d say there was a hint of disappointment in Lexa’s voice.

 

“Yeah.” She said slowly.

 

Lexa kicked herself for even thinking that that could’ve been Clarke. She’d thought it’d be best to give her a call asking about tomorrow night once she got home but on the way there, it dawned on her that it could’ve been Octavia, well there was a better chance of it being Octavia rather than Clarke.

 

“But,” Clarke suddenly cut in. “I’m up for it if you are. I mean I know you don’t…” She really didn’t know how she could say it without making it sound like either she wanted it to be a date or that she was just doing it because she felt bad for what Octavia did and this was just a pity _not-date_.

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Lexa’s mouth blurted out before her mind could register. “…if you’re okay with it, that is.”

 

Clarke wasn’t really sure what was happening but she agreed. “So pizza and a movie?” She wanted to keep it casual, didn’t really want to push like Octavia was and make things uncomfortable.

 

“We could do that or…” Lexa leaned in to her pillow and closed her eyes. “…we could swap the movie for _Game of Thrones_ maybe?” She hesitated.

 

“I LOVE _GAME OF THRONES_.” Came Clarke’s response causing Lexa to smile.

 

“I’m just getting into it, I mean I’ve read the first five books but never watched it. Its great so far.” She couldn’t help but smile at Clarke’s enthusiasm.

 

“How far into it are you?”

 

“Still on season one. Two more episodes left.”

 

After that, neither of them are sure how long they talked for. Only when Clarke heard Octavia almost yelling in the living room did she hang up. “There’s something going on with Octavia and Bellamy. I’m sorry, I should really check it out before it ends in murder.”

 

“But give me a call if that does happen.” Lexa joked.

 

“Will do, detective.” _Detective? Really?_

 

There was a certain ring to Clarke calling her detective. “I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

 

“Yep,” She heard the blonde, Lexa could almost hear the smile in her voice.

 

.

 

“Who’s texting you this late?” O enquired as Bellamy stood up from the couch and made his way to the door. “Bell?” She asked again trailing behind him.

 

“No one impo-” Octavia cut him off as she snatched his cell phone from his hand and unlocked it. “You can’t read my texts O.” He sighed. “And why do you know my pass code?”

 

Octavia didn’t think it was necessary for Bell to know why. Ignoring his question, she tapped on the screen a couple of times before practically exploding, “You AND _RAVEN?_ WHAT THE FUCK?”

 

“It’s not what you think.” He tried.

 

“Fuck it isn’t.” Bellamy was starting to realize his sister was getting angry; and that was never a good thing, for anyone involved. “This is fucked up. Like seriously. And you didn’t think to tell me? Does Clarke kno-?”

 

She was cut off when Clarke’s door swung open and she padded towards the Blakes. “I heard swearing.” She explained. “And yelling.”

 

“Bellamy here is fucking our best friend.” Octavia crossed her arms over her chest and glared at Bell.

 

“What?” Clarke choked on her words, managing to only get out one, her eyes widening in surprise.

 

“Please tell me you didn’t know about this.” Octavia clinged on to hope that at least one of the three people she trusted with everything would not keep something like this from her.

 

“I had no clue.” Clarke responded, still recovering. “Wait,” She looked at Bellamy. “Seriously? O’s not just saying that?”

 

“It’s not like that.” Desperately, Bellamy tried again.

 

Octavia was fuming with rage so Clarke decided to interject. “Okay, then explain. What is it like then?”

 

Bellamy opened his mouth to answer but his sister beat him to it. “I don’t care what it’s like. All I know is, my older brother and one of my best friends have been sleeping together for a while and neither of them thought to at least mention it to me.”

 

“How long…has this been going on?” Clarke dared ask.

 

Bellamy sighed. “A few months.”

 

“MONTHS?” With that, Octavia lunged for Bellamy but thankfully – for Bell – Clarke wrapped her arms around Octavia to restrain her.

 

“Okay lets not get physical.” She said to her friend before turning her tone to Bellamy, her arms still around Octavia. “Bell, go. Give her till the morning to cool off or she’s gonna rip you to shreds.”

 

“And you should let me.” Octavia hissed, not moving even the slightest but Clarke still holding on to her.

 

“Fine.” Bellamy nodded and headed out the door.

 

“And if you go to Raven’s place, Bell, I swear to god-”

 

“I’m going back to my place.” He said, closing the door behind him.

 

Once the door closed, Clarke let go of Octavia, as there wasn’t anyone she could hurt in the apartment. Clarke might need to text Raven telling to stay away until she talked to O over the phone or something. Same with Bellamy, but he probably got that message.

 

“How could they not tell me?” Octavia sounded disappointed as she walked up to the couch and slumped down.

 

Clarke sighed, sitting down next to her and wrapping her arms around her friend, pulling her into a hug. “I had no idea O. You know I would’ve told you, right?”

 

“I know.” Octavia sighed, letting her head rest on her friend’s shoulder. “We knew Raven was seeing someone, like it was a casual thing. But with BELLAMY? SERIOUSLY?”

 

“I didn’t think Bellamy was seeing anyone.”

 

“At least one of them had the decency to tell half the truth.” The anger was gone from Octavia’s voice; now sounding more hurt and disappointed, something very rare for her. “If they’d told me, I wouldn’t have been mad to be honest. If anything I’d be happy for them; I mean Raven’s closer to Bell’s age than ours and it’d be nice knowing Raven was seeing someone decent for a change.”

 

“Are you mad at Raven?” Clarke asked.

 

“Yes.” Octavia simply stated to which Clarke only nodded.

 

After a few moments of silence, they pulled apart and the brunette looked up at Clarke. “Okay now give me something to make me feel better.”

 

“What’d you mean?” She asked, sitting up straight.

 

“Lexa. Did you call her?” Octavia said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

 

“Yes.” Her friend only nodded.

 

“And…?” She pushed on. “Are you two getting together tomorrow night?”

 

The blonde nodded. “But she guessed it was you that sent the text.”

 

“Doesn’t matter.” Her friend waved her hand, brushing it off. “So dinner?”

 

“Pizza.” Clarke nodded. “And _Game of Thrones_.”

 

“She watches _Game of Thrones_?” She asked, her eyes wide and mouth wide open.

 

Clarke nodded hesitantly.

 

“IT’S _MEANT_ _TO BE_ CLAKRE. SHE’S YOUR _SOULMATE_.”

 

Clarke looked up at the ceiling and let out an exaggerated sigh. Okay fine, it was no secret that Clarke was more than a little into _Game of Thrones_. If she started talking about it, it was not so easy to get her to stop. Octavia found it adorable and Raven said she found it annoying but both Octavia and Clarke know that’s not true.

 

“It’s _FATE_.” She said once Clarke looked back at her.

 

“Shut up. Its not even a date.” She couldn’t help the laugh that left her lips. Octavia seemed all right for now but she knew it wouldn’t stay that way the next time she saw Bellamy or Raven.

 

“Not a date? Okay. What is it then?”

 

“Just two people getting dinner and watching an awesome show. I don’t know O, but I read somewhere it’s called hanging out.”

 

“Not when you’re both single and someone as gorgeous as Lexa is involved.”

 

“Shut up and lets go to bed.” Clarke said standing up from the couch and holding her hand out for her best friend. “You can sleep with me tonight if you want…after that thing with Bellamy and all.”

 

Her friend gave her a goofy smile. “You love me.”

 

“And to this day,” Clarke started as they began walking towards her bedroom, their arms linked. “I ask myself ‘why?’”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked that one. 
> 
> Yes? No? Let me know k17l53.tumblr.com/ask


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia and Clarke being adorable and also clexa being adorable. hopefully it makes up for the lack of them in the last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second half is pretty much clexa.

“Answer your phone goddammit.” Clarke all but yelled into her phone as she walked through the living room towards her kitchen, stopping to look behind her to make sure she hadn’t woken up Octavia.

 

It was still _relatively_ early, about 10:30am; Octavia still asleep in Clarke’s room and after the events of the past night, the blonde decided her best friend deserved to wake up to a stack of pancakes. Placing the phone between her ear and shoulder – waiting for Bellamy to answer, Clarke filled a glass with water and took a sip. The call went to voice mail,

 

“ _Hey this is Bellamy Blake. You know what to do._ ” Followed be a beep.

 

Clarke rolled her eyes, – the least he could do about this whole thing was be mature about it and _talk_ to her – hanging up, she placed the phone on the counter. _Blueberry or chocolate chip…?_ Clarke thought for a second before deciding on the latter and grabbed the ingredients from various cupboards in the kitchen.

 

Once the batter was made and the first pancake was on the pan, Clarke went back to her phone and called Raven…who answered on the second ring, “Morning.”

 

“Morning.” Clarke greeted in return. “This is a courtesy call to let you know that Octavia Blake has you on her hit list." She informed her friend monotonously. 

 

Raven sighed. “I’m sorry.” She started. “I know I should’ve told you guys but…I knew Octavia wouldn’t approve so I-”

 

Clarke cut her off. “Yes, you should’ve told us but I’m serious Raven, she’s really pissed at you guys.”

 

Raven took a moment to answer, contemplating whether Clarke needed to know where she already knew that from. The blonde took the chance to walk back over to the stove and flip the pancake. She let herself a moment of triumph at the sight of it having turned out perfectly golden.

 

“I know,” Raven finally said. “Bellamy told me.”

 

"Did you see him last night?" Clarke asked in disbelief. 

 

“No, no.” She said quickly. “But he called me…to, you know, warn me about you and O."

 

"Can I ask you something?"

 

"Yeah shoot."

 

"Why Bellamy? You knew Octavia wouldn't be okay with it so why him?"

 

There was a slight pause before Raven answered, "He's always there for me. Well, for the three of us. And he's not looking for a relationship, we figured we can just give each other a call whenever we need to you know…so we kinda figured _why not?_ "

 

"Umm maybe because his younger sister is your best friend?" Clarke suggested rhetorically as she removed the pancake from the pan, onto a plate and poured more batter into it.

 

“How about this then,” Raven tried to give Clarke another reason, “He’s the most decent guy I’ve met so far.”

 

The blonde went silent for a moment, _She’s not wrong._ “Alright fine. I’ll give you that.”

 

"So you're okay with it?" Raven asked after a brief pause, her question coming out in fragments.

 

"You and Bellamy, yes." Her friend replied in defeat. If she was being honest with herself, this might actually be a good thing for both Bellamy and Raven. "Not telling me and Octavia on the other hand? No."

 

Raven sighed. "Fine."

 

"Oh and,” Clarke said just as they were about to hang up. “give Octavia a call some time today. Might calm her down."

 

"Was planning on it."

 

Clarke flipped the second pancake as they hung up and tried to call Bellamy again – who didn’t answer, _again_. So she opted for a text instead.

 

 

 

> **Clarke**
> 
> **10:39am**
> 
> Can u please call me back?
> 
>  

Pressing send, she typed out another text,

 

 

 

> **Clarke**
> 
> **10:39am**
> 
> Octavia's not gonna stay mad at u forever u know? She'll understand but u need to talk to her.

 

Both Octavia and Bellamy could be stubborn, especially with each other. They knew how to hold their ground, which made any argument between them – even a small one – drag out for quite a long time.

 

Octavia walked into the living room about ten minutes after Clarke had sent Bellamy the texts. Breakfast was quiet; Octavia didn’t feel like talking about it but made it very clear that she was still very angry at her brother and Raven.

 

“Wait,” The brunette said suddenly. “Don’t you have a date with Lexa tonight.”

 

The blonde rolled her eyes with a sigh, “It’s not a date.”

 

“Whatever you wanna call it, Princess.” Octavia responded. “But you are seeing her tonight, right?”

 

Clarke only nodded as she took another bite of her pancake.

.

 

“I don’t know what to wear.” Clarke whined to no one but herself as she stood in front of her closet. She’s supposed to be at Lexa’s place in a little less than two hours but she was still standing in her bedroom in her pajamas.

 

“I thought you said it wasn’t a date.” A voice suddenly said from behind Clarke, making her jump.

 

“Jesus Christ O, don’t sneak up on me like that.” Clarke turned around to face her friend who stood in her bedroom’s doorway, arms crossed over her chest with a satisfied grin.

 

“Well you _were_ talking to yourself.” She started with a shrug and walked over to the blonde.

 

“And no, it’s not a date.”

 

“So…you _don’t_ wanna impress her?”

 

“No…” Clarke hesitated. Either a yes or a no would pretty much mean the same thing.

 

“Just wear whatever then.”

 

“No bu-” Clarke stopped herself, not really knowing what to say. _Hanging out with Lexa wasn’t a big deal…right?_

 

Octavia gave up trying to get her best friend to talk and stood next to her, looking into her closet. After a couple of second she spoke up, “Keep it casual. You don’t wanna seem like you’re trying too hard.” She stopped and added inaudibly, “which you clearly are.”

 

“I’m not.” Clarke complained.

 

“Keep telling yourself that.” She said quickly before going back to talking about what her friend should wear. “But also make sure its something cute.”

 

The blonde rolled her eyes in response and Octavia thought for a moment before continuing, “How about jeans, t-shirt and…” She paused again and rifled through the closet in front of them for a couple of seconds before triumphantly pulling out an article of clothing “…and you’re red plaid.” She handed it to Clarke.

 

“You sure?” Clarke asked.

 

“Yep. It makes you look hella adorable.” She paused. “When do you have to be there anyways?”

 

“Eight-ish.” Clarke replied. “What about you and Lincoln? Are you two going out?”

 

Octavia nodded as she walked over to the bed and sat down. “Yeah, we’re meeting up with Jasper and Monty probably. We might come back here for the night though. You know, since you’ll be with Lexa.” She told her with a smirk.

 

“We’re just hanging out. Is it that hard to believe?”

 

“Yep.” She responded, not missing a beat, before going silent for a few seconds. “Hey Clarke?”

 

“Hmm?” Her friend hummed in response as she walked over to the bed and sat down opposite Octavia.

 

“Have you heard from Bellamy or Raven all day?”

 

Clarke nodded. “I called Raven this morning.” Octavia probably wouldn’t want that but she knew better than to keep something away from her.

 

“To warn her about me?” The brunette took a wild guess.

 

“Partly.” Her friend started. “Also because I was kinda pissed at her for sleeping with Bellamy and not telling us about it.”

 

“And Bell?”

 

“I did call him but he didn’t answer.”

 

Octavia nodded. “Because Raven called me. She apologized for not telling us. But…I don’t know…”

 

“I get you being mad at her.” Clarke started. “But she’s still our best friend. And yes she fucked up with this but you can’t hold it against her forever.”

 

“But I can hold it against her for, like, a couple of days right?” Octavia asked with a small, unsure shrug.

 

Clarke sighed. “Yes, yes I guess you can.”

 

“Good.” Octavia stopped, causing Clarke to suspect her of not telling her something.

 

“What are you not telling me?” Clarke questioned suspiciously.

 

She remained silent for a couple of long seconds before giving in. “Well I think they’d be good for each other.” Her sentence came out in fragments.

 

Clarke rolled her eyes. “If Raven’s anything to go by, they’re kinda just…friends who occasionall-”

 

“I GOT IT. Please stop talking.” Octavia exclaimed quickly with a disgusted look on her face, stopping Clarke.

 

The blonde suppressed a smile, allowing her friend to continue, “That’s kinda why I think they’d be good for each other. Like, Raven could use someone who won’t force her into a relationship. And Bell needs someone he can talk to and stuff other than just the two of us.”

 

Clarke nodded. “But we’re still mad at them right? For a couple of days?”

 

“Yeah, definitely.” Octavia replied, standing up from the bed. Clarke looked at her questioningly. “Lincoln’s gonna be here in a little while and I need to ge-“

 

Before Octavia could finish, Clarke’s phone rang. “Who is it?” The brunette asked as her friend reached for the phone from the nightstand.

 

“It’s Lexa.” Clarke smiled at the phone without realizing as she answered.

 

“I’m gonna go,” Octavia mouthed as she left her best friend’s room.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Came from Lexa’s end of the call before Clarke could even say _hi_. “I just got called into work.”

 

“Hey, its fine.” Clarke responded, hoping the disappointment she felt didn’t convey through her voice. There wasn’t much either of them could do about it and Clarke knew that.

 

“I’m _really_ sorry. But something’s come up and they need all hands on deck.” Lexa actually sounded disappointed that she was having to cancel on Clarke tonight.

 

 _On a Saturday night?_ Clarke thought. _That’s a little harsh._ “No really, its fine. It’s not your fault.”

 

She could hear Lexa sigh on the other end. “You’re not mad? Because I would not really blame you if you were.”

 

“Not at all.” Clarke reassured her with a smile before realizing Lexa couldn’t see her. “There’s not much you can do about it so why would I be?”

 

Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat. “I was looking forward to tonight.” _Clarke didn’t need to know that!_ The small voice in her head screamed.

 

“Yeah, me too.” Clarke confessed, her voice small.

 

There was a pause, Clarke not sure what to say next and Lexa contemplating whether it would be alright for her to ask the blonde what she wanted to. Deciding she ought to, Lexa spoke, “Well I could give you a call after I’m done…? You know, if it’s not too late by then.” _This is a terrible idea._ The small voiced in her head scolded her.

 

Lexa was almost certain Clarke was going to decline. “Yeah, sure.” Her response took both her and Lexa by surprise. The blonde was sure she sounded too eager, so she added quickly, “If you’re not too tired after you get back.”

 

“Mmm hmm,” Lexa hummed in agreement. “How late is…late…” She hesitated.

 

“It’s Saturday night so if its still dark outside, its not too late.”

 

“I’ll probably see you later then.” Lexa said, about to hang up, her smile apparent in her voice.

 

“Yep.”

 

Clarke walked out of her room after a few minutes and towards the kitchen to get a snack. _It’s gonna be a long and boring night._

 

“Why are you still in you pjs?” Octavia asked from her bedroom. The mirror on her wall was directly opposite the living room and if her door was open, she could see almost everything going on in there and partly in the kitchen.

 

“Lexa got called into work.” The blonde said casually.

 

“On a Saturday? Damn that’s harsh.”

 

“I know right? But she said she’ll give me a call after she gets out…if its not too late.”

 

.

 

Clarke was sitting in front of the TV watching _Kitchen Nightmares_ – _the only reality TV worth watching,_ as she liked to say – when her phone buzzed with a text.

 

 

 

> **Lexa**
> 
> **12:47am**
> 
> Hey,
> 
> I just got home. I’m not sure if you are still awake so I didn’t want to wake you up by calling.

 

The blonde smiled, that was nice of Lexa. And it wasn’t too late, Octavia was still out with Lincoln as well as Jasper, Monty and Monty’s new “ _friend_ ”, Miller, if her Instagram was anything to go by.

 

Without thinking too much, she typed out a reply and pressed send.

 

Lexa had only locked her door when her phone vibrated in her pocket with a reply from Clarke.

 

 

 

> **Clarke**
> 
> **12:47am**
> 
> I’m very much awake. But thanks for being so considerate.
> 
>  
> 
> **Clarke**
> 
> **12:48am**
> 
> If u’re not too tired, I can be over in about 15 mins…
> 
>  
> 
> **Lexa**
> 
> **12:48**
> 
> I’ll see you in a little while then.

 

Clarke walked back to her room and grabbed the cloths Octavia had suggested. It didn’t take her more than a few minutes to get dressed. As she pulled on her jacket, she remembered how Lexa had been at work since a little after six and probably hadn’t had dinner. There was one pizza place that Clarke knew off that did take out till about 2am.

 

Walking out her front door, she dialed their number and placed her order, letting them know she’d be there to pick it up in a few minutes, “Hey Harper, its Clarke.” She and Octavia were regulars…especially late at night. And Harper was the unlucky employee who always had the graveyard shift.

 

“No wait, let me guess,” She said before Clarke say what she wanted. “One large four-cheese and a bottle of _Coke Zero_?”

 

“It’s like you read my mind.” Clarke responded, “I’ll be over in a few minutes.”

 

“See you then.”

 

The blonde arrived at Lexa’s apartment almost exactly 15 minutes since they’d spoken. She parked her car across the street and walked over. Clarke decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator considering Lexa only lived on the 2nd floor.

 

“Hey,” Lexa greeted her with a smile, opening the door.

 

“Hey,” Clarke smiled back. “I brought pizza.” She said as she walked inside.

 

“You didn’t have to.” Lexa closed the door and turned back to look at Clarke.

 

“You’ve been at work all night, I thought you…might be…hungry…” her sentence trailed of as she looked at the brunette, more specifically at her right arm. “Sorry, I’m staring.” She shook her head. “That’s a really nice tattoo by the way.”

 

Lexa smiled sheepishly, “Thanks.”

 

“Sorry,” The blonde said again as she managed to look away. Quiet a contrast to the last time she’d seen Lexa, the brunette was wearing a white tank top, which showed off her toned arms nicely, her hair was hanging loosely past her shoulders in soft curls.

 

Clarke followed Lexa to her kitchen, grabbing a couple of plates and glasses and walked over to the living room. Placing the things on the coffee table, the blonde and the brunette sat down on either sides of the couch.

 

“I hope you don’t mind,” Lexa started as she picked up the TV remote. “I went ahead and picked a movie instead of Game of Thrones. It just felt a little too late for it and I knew I wouldn’t be able to concentrate.”

 

“Not at all.” Clarke leaned towards the coffee table and grabbed a slice of pizza. “What are we watching?”

 

“ _The Heat_ …?” Lexa replied, unsure.

 

“I love that one.” The blonde responded. “Sandra Bullock’s great in pretty much everything.”

 

They both fell quiet as the movie started and it remained that way for the first few minutes when Lexa spoke. “You were right, I was hungry. Thanks for the pizza.”

 

.

 

Lexa wasn’t sure if it was a good thing that she was already so comfortable around Clarke. She’d only just met her yesterday but she felt at ease around her. One third through the movie, the two of them were throwing in their own commentary and laughing at almost anything that was remotely funny; something Lexa didn’t usually do. Clarke had pulled her feet up on the couch and somewhere along the way; they’d found their way on Lexa’s lap, which she didn’t mind. Also somewhere along the way, Lexa’s hands had found their way to Clarke’s feet, messaging them gently.

 

As the credits rolled, the blonde felt a sudden jolt from Lexa’s end of the couch, causing her to look over at the brunette who had fallen asleep not too long ago.

 

“Fuck.” The brunette cursed under her breath, shaking her head slightly before looking around her.

 

Clarke sat up straight and scooted closer towards her. “Hey,” She called. “You okay?”

 

Lexa rubbed her eyes and let out a deep breath, “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.”

 

“Are you sure?” Clarke asked; she seemed a little shaken up.

 

She gave Clarke a reassuring smile. “It was nothing.” She stifled a yawn.

 

“Did you have a nightmare?”

 

Lexa nodded slowly. “Yeah, but its nothing new.” She brushed it off and looked at her watch – which read 2:58 – to distract herself. “Wow it’s late.” Looking back at Clarke, she continued, “I’m so sorry I kept you up till this late.”

 

“No, no don’t apologize.” Clarke reassured her. “If it weren’t for you, I’d be sitting alone in front of my TV watching terrible reality shows.”

 

As Clarke walked up to the door, Lexa close behind her, she turned around and looked at the brunette. “Are you sure you’re okay? You seem a little shaken up.”

 

“Yeah. But thanks for asking.” Lexa nodded with a small smile. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay driving back this late? I’d be more than happy to drop you off.”

 

“It’s fine, really. But thank you.” Clarke told her as the brunette opened the door.

 

“Text me when you get home safe?” She asked, unsure whether she should’ve asked.

 

“I will.” The blonde smiled as she stepped out. “Are you sure you’re alright?” She asked again.

 

“It was just a nightmare. I’m used to it by now.” Lexa shrugged. “I’ll see you…later…?”

 

“I hope so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah that's chapter 4. good? awful? let me know.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's mostly backstory on Lexa/Anya/Lincoln and Clarke/Octavia/Bellamy/Raven. And clexa. They're pretty much the only ones in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a bit of a time jump after the first 100-ish words or so. And the starting felt a little all over the place, so i'm not too sure about it.

“Fuck me.” Lexa muttered under her breath as she closed the door behind Clarke, letting her head fall against the cool hardwood. “I don’t need this right now.”

 

Standing up straight a moment later and walking back to the couch, Lexa realized she was too tired to go back to her bedroom and change before getting into bed; crashing on the couch seemed more appealing. At that moment, she was glad she’d decided to invest in a couch comfortable enough to sleep on.

 

_“Isn’t that a bit too expensive for a couch?” Anya asked as she and Lexa finished moving it into place._

_“Well, yes.” Lexa started. “But if you’re anything like me and sleep on the couch more often than your own bed, then no, it’s not too expensive.”_

 

.

 

Lexa stood in front of her open fridge after coming home from work, going over the events of the past two months.

 

They had passed rather quickly but Lexa had to admit, it was more eventful than the last 6 months of her life. Lincoln had moved into his new place the past week and it felt a little weird to have the apartment back to herself. She had also been spending a considerable amount of time with not only Clarke but her friends as well. Raven was, believe it or not, someone you’d want to hang out with. She was mostly in a good mood, cracking jokes and just a fun person to be around. Octavia and Clarke seemed to have a very strong bond that was very unlikely to be broken; minus all the teasing, they seemed to care about each other more than anything else. Bellamy Blake, to her surprise was a genuinely nice guy. He was very protective of his sister – _and Clarke_ – and loved her more than Lexa thought was possible to love family. Watching the two of them made her realize what she’d missed out on. He was also really close to Clarke; if anything, they could be mistaken for siblings. Monty and Jasper seemed to be best friends but they were hardly ever around for Lexa to know much about them. Lincoln had suggested inviting Anya for one of their movie nights – which was almost every weekend – and Lexa agreed. Clarke and her friends seemed to get along with her right from the start and Raven may have finally met someone who had a comeback for whatever she says; in other words, Raven had probably met her match.

 

Suddenly Lexa was pulled out of her thoughts when her phone buzzed from the kitchen counter next to her. Without looking at whom the text was from, Lexa unlocked the phone.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**8:08pm**

Can’t go to Lincoln’s place for movie tonight :(

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**8:08pm**

I have this paper due tomorrow and I haven’t written most of it.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**8:08pm**

The others are expecting u though. They were supposed to start the movie like 8 mins ago.

 

 _Damn she could type fast_. Lexa thought as she typed out her reply.

 

**Lexa**

**8:09pm**

I can’t go either. I told Lincoln to let you guys know.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**8:09pm**

Something come up?

 

It wasn’t unusual for Lexa to cancel on the last minute. Not that it was her fault, it was work; either a body drop or paper work needing to be completed by the next day. Clarke didn’t mind. And as far as she could tell, neither did the others.

 

**Lexa**

**8:09pm**

Yeah. Just closed a case so there’s paper work and they want it done by tomorrow morning.

 

Lexa hesitated before sending her next text. Although she had been around Clarke and hung out with her more than a handful of times since they’d met, the brunette still wasn’t sure whether it was overstepping by asking or suggesting something.

 

**Lexa**

**8:11pm**

I could come over…if you want. To keep you company? We both have work so I guess its better than spending the night alone.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**8:11pm**

Yeah sure.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**8:11pm**

If you’re okay with that.

 

**Lexa**

**8:12pm**

I’ll see you in a little while then.

 

Lexa grabbed her keys, jacket and backpack with all her paperwork and as she opened the door she turned back around, walking back to her bedroom, she grabbed her gun and badge because there was no telling whether she’d get called in later tonight.

 

It took a little under 15 minutes for Lexa to pull up by Clarke and Octavia’s apartment. Getting out of the car, she grabbed her bag and walked up to the building. Despite the fact that they lived on the 5th floor and there being a perfectly usable elevator right there, Lexa opted for the stairs.

 

“You gotta stop taking the stairs.” Clarke said, shaking her head disapprovingly, as she opened the door.

 

Lexa seemed a little taken back, “How do you know I took the stairs?”

 

“Because I know you.” Clarke said as she stepped in to the apartment.

 

The two of them walked over to Clarke’s room. The first thing Lexa noticed was the number of papers and books strewn all over her bed. “You have a lot of work left to do, don’t you?” Lexa asked.

 

“What gave it away?” She responded with an almost-convincing puzzled look on her face before smiling. “So you’re okay working on the desk?”

 

“Yeah.” She replied, placing her bag down.

 

About an hour later, there was a knock on the door. “That must be dinner.” Clarke said, beginning to get up.

 

“I got it.” Lexa beat her to it.

 

By the time Clarke walked into the living room, Lexa had already paid the deliveryman and was closing the door. She peeked inside the box as she followed Clarke into the kitchen. “Pepperoni?” She asked. “But I thought you only liked cheese.”

 

The blonde grabbed two bottles of beer from the refrigerator and turned to look at Lexa, “Yeah but you’re favorite’s pepperoni and I don’t mind it, I kinda like it.”

 

She did her best to hide the smile on her face as she followed Clarke back to her room.

 

“Are you listening to _Badlands_?” Lexa asked as she walked past the open laptop, back to the desk.

 

“Yeah, why?”

 

“We’ve been listening to the same music but with separate headphones.”

 

“You like Halsey?” Clarke asked.

 

“She’s all I’ve been listening to since _Badlands_ came out.”

 

The room fell silent minus the music now playing out loud from Clarke’s laptop as the two of them went back to their work; Clarke was about a third into her essay and Lexa still had a long way to go.

 

.

 

“What movie are they watching anyways?” Lexa spoke for the first time in hours.

 

“ _Movies_.” Clarke corrected. “ _Lord of the Rings_ marathon.”

 

“All three?”

 

The blonde nodded.

 

“It’s been forever since I watched them.” One thing Clarke had picked up about Lexa in these couple of months was that she was a huge geek; _Lord of the Rings_ , _Harry Potter_ , you name it. And if _Marvel_ was classed as something you could get addicted to, she definitely needed help.

 

.

 

“Finally done.” Lexa said as she leaned back onto the chair, putting down her pen.

 

“Me too.” Clarke spoke. “Well one more line…” She paused for a couple seconds before looking up from her screen. “Done…and it took only…5 hours. _Fuck_ it’s late.”

 

“Wow.” The brunette added. “I didn’t realize.”

 

“Do you have work tomorrow?”

 

Lexa nodded. “But I won’t be able to sleep for a few more hours.”

 

“Same.” Clarke said as she began to put away all her books and papers on to the nightstand. Once done, she motioned Lexa over with a nod.

 

She sat down by the edge of the bed. “Octavia’s not going to be back till…?” Lexa paused and thought before adding hesitantly, “…like 8am? If I’m not wrong, all three movies take a little over 11 hours…?”

 

“That’s when they’d be done watching, yeah but she probably won’t be back till noon.” The room fell silent again, Clarke contemplating whether it was alright to ask Lexa what she wanted to or whether that would be over stepping. “Can I ask you something?”

 

“Yeah sure.” Lexa shrugged.

 

“You and Anya…you guys seem really close.” Clarke started. “Tell me to stop if I’m overstepping.” She added before continuing. “And you obviously know Lincoln through her but like…how do you guys know each other? …Is that too personal?”

 

Lexa thought for a second before giving the her a small smile. “Not at all.” She pulled up her legs on the bed and crossed them under her. “It’s kind of a long story and I’m more than willing to tell you, if you wanna listen to it.”

 

“Yeah.” Clarke nodded enthusiastically.

 

“Well…” She started. “Anya and her parents moved into our neighborhood the summer before I started high school. They were across the street, two houses down to the left.” She smiled at herself for remembering as she continued, “I ended up spending more time there than at my own house to be honest.”

 

Clarke noticed how Lexa’s smile was now gone and replaced by something she hadn’t seen on her face till today. Clarke’s confusion didn’t go unnoticed, and so she explained. “As to why is another long story, I just preferred her and Lincoln’s company over my parents’.” Clarke would’ve probably asked why but there was something about the way Lexa had said it that made her decide not to.

 

“I met Lincoln before Anya though. He knocked on our door the day after they’d moved. Lincoln was just very good at talking to people and basically, he was very likable. Umm, I opened the door and he introduced himself, I was pretty much the complete opposite of him when it came to new people but he was really nice and we got along well from the start. We spent the next couple of days just getting to know each other; mostly because there wasn’t anyone else his age in the neighborhood. My parents thought it was a good thing that I was spending so much time with a boy.” Lexa rolled her eyes, the annoyance from all those years ago still apparent in her voice. “I met Anya a few days later. She was two years older than me and seemed a little detached at first but by the end of the summer, it was like we’d known each other forever.

 

“High school wasn’t too kind to me and well…” She paused. “Those four years were probably the worst years of my life.” Lexa stopped for a moment.

 

“Hey,” Clarke said. “It’s alright if you don’t want to talk about it, I get it.”

 

“No, it’s fine.” Shaking her head slightly, Lexa continued. “A couple of months into my first year, my parents found out I was gay. Umm…” Lexa closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “…let’s just say that wasn’t the greatest thing that could’ve happened to me.” She didn’t want to get in to that, not now. “Anya was there for me when I didn’t really have anyone else. She helped me make it through the day basically. And Lincoln was like an overprotective little brother.” She smiled. “If anyone ever brought it up at school, he was the first one to jump in and shut them up. I didn’t really mind, I mean yeah, I didn’t like it but I could block it out.

 

“Then Anya left for college, came here.” Lexa shifted, lying down by the foot of Clarke’s bed, her legs sticking out, staring up at the ceiling. “Things went a _little_ downhill if anything.” _Definitely not just a little._

 

Clarke followed her lead, lying down next to her but not too close, both their legs hanging out. The brunette turned on her side, looking at Clarke. “But Lincoln was still there and I still talked to Anya, she visited every time she came over to see Lincoln and her parents.” She told her. “It was only about a four and a half hour drive from New York to DC and she came over every chance she got.”

 

“You’re from DC?” Clarke asked to which Lexa only nodded with a half smile. “Cool.”

 

“By the time my senior year rolled in, I was desperate to just get out of there though.” She continued. “I came here for college and when I told Anya, she was over the moon. Lincoln went to California and I hadn’t seen him for more than a few days at a time till he came over a couple of months ago.

 

“Anya gave me a reference for the NYPD. Mostly because I was – still am – really into crime fiction and I’d asked her about it, she thought I’d do reasonably well. A year later, I got transferred to homicide along with Anya. And after a year of working in homicide – last year – I got my new badge. And…we’re still partners so yeah, that’s about it.” Lexa smiled awkwardly as she finished. “What about you and Octavia? You two seem really close. And Raven and Bellamy?”

 

Clarke smiled. “That’s also a long story, if you’re up for that.”

 

Lexa nodded and Clarke continued. “Me and Octavia pretty much grew up together. She and Bellamy lived with their mom next door to us.” She started. “We’ve known each other since we were…” the blonde thought for a moment, “9 years old. Bellamy was 14 but he spent more time with his sister than anyone else. And so in turn, he ended up spending a lot of time with me as well. My mom liked them almost instantly. They’re mom wasn’t around much, she owned this designer boutique which took up most of her time, but she still loved the two of them more than anything. My mom wasn’t around much either; she’s a surgeon so pretty busy. Octavia and Bellamy…they kinda became family; I couldn’t be any closer to O even if were actual siblings.

 

“When we were 13, Bellamy and O’s mom passed away.” Clarke said in a small voice. “Well she was murdered outside her boutique. Mugging gone wrong.” She repeated the words that had been said to Bellamy and Octavia by the police officer working the case. “It hit them hard but fortunately, Bell was 18 so technically he was in charge of O.” She sighed. “And he did everything he could and more to make sure his sister was alright.

 

“High school rolled in two years later and Octavia had put her mother’s death behind her, so to speak. She was the life of the party. I ended up being the responsible one. Nights before tests and exams were spent with me helping her study till the wee hours of dawn either at my place or theirs.

 

“That’s also when we met Raven. It’s a funny story.” Clarke couldn’t suppress the smile as her mind went back to that memory. “Raven’s about a year older than us, a sophomore, us still freshmen.” She explained. “So Octavia was in the school’s soccer team and the team held practices every Tuesdays and Thursdays after school… _I think_. O, however, put in an extra day between them. And I didn’t have a choice but to go along with her ‘cause no one else was there; I’d just sit on the bleachers and draw till she was happy with how she kicked that damn ball.

 

“So on one of O’s _extra_ practice days, Raven was out on the field after school testing out one of her projects…I think it was for her physics class; she’s crazy smart with stuff like that. And Octavia walks out on to the field, kicking the ball as far as she can without realizing someone’s out there. By the time she realized she wasn’t the only on there, it was too late. Unfortunately, the ball went straight up to Raven and decided to land on her…thing.”

 

“That couldn’t have ended well.” Lexa said with an amused smile.

 

“No.” Clarke responded seriously, shaking her head. “Octavia ran over to make sure she hadn’t done any damage…which she had. And Raven looked pissed. By the time I reached them, they…seemed to be pretty mad. O was mad because she _had no way of knowing someone would be out here_ and Raven, obviously, was mad because someone had just broken her thing, whatever it was. I intervened and calmed them down, Raven admitted that this was just a prototype so it wasn’t going to cost her anything and Octavia apologized… something she almost never does, especially to a stranger. And since then, we’ve pretty much been friends.

 

Raven was gone for college though, MIT ‘cause she loves to show off.” Clarke rolled her eyes, pretend annoyance. “But she totally deserved it. I was gone for college too, John Hopkins at Baltimore. O and Bellamy stayed here. She went to NYU, same as her brother. I decided to come back here, missed those idiots too much.”

 

“Where do you go now?” Lexa asked.

 

“Columbia.” Clarke replied simply.

 

“Impressive.” She commented with a nod.

 

The blonde smiled before continuing. “Raven called us after she came back. She wasn’t sure what she’d do after college but she got a job offer here so that paired with the fact that me and O were here too, it was no brainer.”

 

The room fell silent for a few long seconds before Clarke spoke again, “Our high school years were crazy. _We_ were crazy. Well I was the most responsible one but it wasn’t enough when you have two people like Raven and Octavia. They ended up getting in trouble, getting _me_ in trouble.” She sighed with a smile. “Bellamy was there for us though.”

 

“What the four of you have, it’s special.” Lexa responded.

 

“Like you and Anya and Lincoln.”

 

She nodded.

 

“We’ve had our highs and lows. Octavia didn’t take her mom’s death too well and I didn’t take my dad’s one too well.”

 

“Your dad?” Lexa asked, confused, Clarke had never mentioned it.

 

“Yeah,” She nodded. “Car crash. This idiot thought it was a good idea to get behind the wheel while drunk. Drove straight into my dad’s car.” Clarke could feel her throat tightening up, words getting harder to get out.

 

“Were you close?”

 

“Very.” Clarke looked up at the ceiling, hoping Lexa hadn’t noticed her eyes getting teary.

 

Which she clearly had, and without thinking, Lexa reached out and grabbed the blonde’s hand. It took them both by surprise but neither of them seemed to mind.

 

“Octavia and Bellamy were there for me. It made it a little easier.” Clarke clenched her jaws and swallowed the lump in her throat, Lexa making soft circles with her thumb on the back of Clarke’s hand. “I don’t know what I’d do without them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The starting felt a little all over the place, but by the end of it, i thought it was fine. so yeah, let me know what you think?


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of clexa and there's a fair amount of Anya and Lexa being adorable. Basically, its a really cute chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who's read it, commented and left kudos. I love you guys so much, thank you :)

“Hey Clark-” Octavia burst into the room a second later only to stop abruptly at the door.

 

Clarke and Lexa pulled their hands away, sitting up straight in a flash.

 

“Okay…sorry I interrupted.” She suppresses her smile and backs out the door, closing it behind her before Clarke or Lexa can say anything.

 

“Shit.” The blonde mutters under her breath as the door closes with a quiet click.

 

“I should go.” Lexa turns her head to look at Clarke and stands up, grabbing her bag.

 

Cursing at Octavia in her mind, the blonde follows Lexa out of her room.

 

“Oh hey,” Octavia stops them as they enter the living room. “I didn’t mean to interrupt, you don’t have to _leave_.”

 

“You didn’t interrupt anything.” Clarke tells her friend, trying to convince herself.

 

“Yeah,” Lexa nods. “And I have work in the morning.”

 

“Didn’t interrupt anything, are you su-” Octavia shakes her head with a sigh, stopping herself mid-sentence. “You two have proved to be impossible so I won’t even bother this time.” She told her roommate and Lexa with a forced smile, walking back over to the couch.

 

Lexa had gotten accustomed to Raven and Octavia being hell bent on getting her and Clarke together. Lincoln had given up after a week and according to the blonde, Bellamy was in agreement with his sister and Raven but didn’t really say anything when she was around. Anya was very much the same, without Clarke around, she was as bad as Raven and Octavia but around her, it’s like she didn’t even know what Clarke’s friends were talking about.

 

But today felt… _different_. She didn’t interrupt anything really… _did she?_ Lexa and Clarke both had the same thought running through their heads but couldn’t find it in them to voice it. The brunette forced the little voice in her head to shut up and stop scolding her for holding Clarke’s hand; and Clarke just chose to completely ignore it.

 

“I’ll see you later _…?_ ” Lexa didn’t mean to, but it came out as a question rather than a statement.

 

The blonde nodded with a smile as she held the door open.

 

Closing the door behind Lexa, a bit reluctantly, Clarke walked back over to Octavia who was sitting on the couch. “I thought you guys were watching _Lord of the Rings_?” She sat down next to her friend.

 

“Yeah we were.” The brunette started. “But then Jasper ended up spilling his drink on the DVD player…?” Her sentence came out as a question. “I don’t even know how he managed that. And the thing was fried. Raven and Monty took a look but they couldn’t do anything about it so we had to call it a night.”

 

“And you didn’t stay over?” Her friend asked.

 

“If I’d known Lexa would be here, I would’ve.” She answered. “I didn’t mean to interrupt you guys, ‘cause clearly it was going somewhere.” Octavia said quickly, before Clarke could stop her. “But Lincoln has work in the morning and I didn’t want to be woken up.”

 

Lincoln was a nurse who usually worked the mornings. Some times he was in at night as well but he said he preferred waking up early and getting the nights to himself. Somehow, Lincoln could go the entire day with very little sleep. Clarke had mastered the art of surviving on minimal sleep with school and everything but Lincoln was…he was insane.

 

“Wait, if he had to be up early, why’d you guys decided on a _Lord of the Rings_ marathon on a Sunday night?” Clarke asked. If the movies lasted till past 8am, and Lincoln needed to be at work probably before that, she wasn’t really sure if that as a good idea.

 

“He wasn’t gonna watch the whole thing. Lincoln was about to call it a night when Jasper spilled his drink on the DVD player.” Octavia told her. “ _How did he even manage that?_ ”

 

The blonde shrugged, standing up. “I’m gonna go to bed O, I have class in the morning.”

 

Halfway to her bedroom, Octavia called out. “Wait, you and Lexa…”

 

“There was nothing going on oh my god.” Clarke threw her head back, staring at the ceiling; her back still turned at her roommate.

 

“But you guys were _holding hands_!”

 

“Umm…so?”

 

The brunette groaned in frustration. “You’re impossible.”

 

“I got that from you, O.” She stated simply. “I got that from you.”

 

.

 

The next couple of weeks were busy for both Clarke and Lexa. Clarke had a number of papers due in a short span of time and Lexa was working on a high profile case so they didn’t see much of each other. The blonde would stop by Bellamy’s coffee shop, _The Ark_ , every morning for coffee. It started out with her giving Octavia a ride to work but now Clarke just prefers to get her morning coffee from there. It used to be a short drive from their previous apartment but now its more convenient as it’s only a block away. Lexa had also started stopping there for her coffee on the way to work. _Obviously_ it had nothing to do with the fact that Clarke was there every morning but because it was on her way to work and their coffee was really good. Bellamy, Octavia and pretty much everyone that worked there knew why she _actually_ stopped there and not at the _Starbucks_ across the street from her precinct, however Clarke remained oblivious. Bellamy had asked Lexa about it, “Well for one, its just as good.” Which definitely gave his ego a boost but it was no secret that his customers kept coming back. “And also, it’s cheaper.” _Marginally_.

 

Clarke was typing out the first draft for a paper when her phone rang next to her laptop. Forcing her fingers to stop typing and tearing her eyes away from the screen to look at the phone, she picked it up and answered.

 

“Hey,” Lexa greeted from the other end, the happiness and excitement more than apparent in her voice.

 

“Hey,” Clarke greeted back with a smile.

 

“So we just closed our case.” She started, referencing to herself and Anya. “And since it was a big win, Anya asked me to give you guys a call and ask whether you’re free for the night and want to come down to _Grounder’s_ for a drink.”

 

She had been working all day; Clarke decided she deserved to call it a night. “Yeah sure. I’ll be there in like 15 minutes?”

 

“Could you give Bellamy a call?” Lexa asked. “Anya called Raven and I called Lincoln, Octavia’s with him so…”

 

“Will do.” Clarke replied. “But I don’t know if he’s gonna make it. Boys night out.” She explained.

 

“Understandable.” Came the brunette’s response. “I’ll see you soon?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

As they hung up, Clarke sent a text to Bellamy letting him know and his reply came only a moment later. As expected, he couldn’t make it. Exiting the messaging app, she called Raven.

 

“Reyes,” She greeted as her friend answered the phone.

 

“Hey Princess,” Raven greeted back.

 

Clarke rolled her eyes at the nickname her friends had given her. It was Octavia who’d originally come up with it when they were sixteen – sophomore year of high school, the two of them and Raven had been invited to a Halloween party. Clarke was too busy to prepare a costume and had asked her mom to pick up something for her. Octavia went all out with a post-apocalyptic warrior costume, and Raven had gone as an astronaut.

 

_“What are you going as?” Clarke asked._

_“Post-apocalyptic warrior.” Octavia replied, trying to contain her excitement._

_“How do you even come up with something like that?” Her friend questioned in response._

_“Go big or go home.” She said simply with a shrug. “And this is our first high school Halloween party. It’s a big deal and I wanna make a good impression.”_

_The blonde nodded._

_“What about you? What are you going as?”_

_“I don’t have the time to get a costume ready. I’ll have my mom pick something up for me.”_

 

Clarke probably shouldn’t have done that because a few hours before the party, her mom handed her a brown bag with her costume, which turned out to be a princess one. Octavia all about died laughing and Raven would not let it go; she’s probably the reason the nickname was still around. Bellamy did his best to not say something about it when Octavia had sent him a picture of the three of them; but he never let it go either.

 

“ _Grounder’s_. Anya called you right?” Clarke went straight to the point.

 

“Yep, I’ll meet you at your car?” Raven asked. “Or mine…” She added, the only difference being she had to cross the street to get to Clarke’s.

 

“Mine’s fine.”

 

_Grounder’s bar_ was a five minutes drive from Lexa and Anya’s precinct and so by the time Clarke and Raven arrived, the two of them were already there, sitting at their usual booth by the back. A lot had changed in the past couple of months. Lexa and Anya didn’t have a “usual booth”, as a matter of fact; they didn’t even come to _Grounder’s_ too often. It was either Lexa’s place or Anya’s after a case – if they were up for it. But ever since Clarke came along – or since her friends and Lincoln came up with the brilliant idea of setting her and Lexa up together – weekends were less lonely.

 

“Hello detectives.” Raven greeted as she sat down on one end of the semi-circular booth and slid further inside.

 

“Hey,” Clarke said in a small voice, following Raven’s lead but on the opposite side, settling down next to Lexa.

 

Anya said _hi_ and Lexa gave them a small wave before Octavia and Lincoln walked up to them, sitting down from Clarke’s end.

 

“So what’s everyone drinking? First round’s on me.” Anya said, moving in her seat to get up, causing Raven to get up as well.

 

“You look really tired.” Clarke said to Lexa once Anya had walked off with Raven behind her who realized Anya couldn’t possibly carry all their drinks alone.

 

“It was a really long day. I’ve been up since 5am I think.” Lexa replied, straining to keep her eyes open. “I really don’t know why Anya’s not tired.”

 

“Well we won’t keep you guys up too long.” She said with a smile. But her phone buzzing made that disappear.

 

“Who is it?” Lexa asked, slightly concerned.

 

“My mom.” Clarke sighed.

 

She opened her mouth to speak but Octavia beat her to it.

 

“What are we celebrating?” Octavia leaned ahead from her seat so she could look at Lexa.

 

“Anya’s the one celebrating. I just want to go home and sleep.” Lexa told her.

 

“ _We_ are celebrating this little genius.” Anya had obviously heard them talking as she and Raven walked up to the table, setting the drinks down on the table. “Or should I say idiot.”

 

“It wasn’t a big deal. Honestly.” Lexa shook her head with an embarrassed smile.

 

“Not a big deal?” Her friend asked, surprised.

 

The others sitting around the table just watched them amusedly. “Well, what happened?” Raven asked.

 

“For one, we would’ve never solved this case if it wasn’t for her.” Anya started. “I was in interrogation with our suspect – who me along with everyone on the task force believed to be the killer – _this_ close to him crackin-”

 

“Or so you thought.” Lexa points out.

 

“…when Lexa just bursts in through the door going ‘He’s not our guy!’” Anya continued, pretending not to have even heard her partner.

 

Lexa suppresses the smile on her face, holding up two fingers against her mouth before speaking. “I wasn’t wrong.”

 

“She wasn’t.” Her friend agreed. “But you could almost hear the entire precinct groan in unison. It was already past midnight and we just wanted to call it a night and go home, get some actual sleep without having to wake up at the crack of dawn just to stare at the same murder board again.”

 

Lexa let out a small laugh along with the others. “So I dragged her out of the room.” She motions towards Anya. “And walked up to the board…”

 

“All the while talking.”

 

“Yes. But then I turned out to be right.”

 

“We cut our suspect lose because we didn’t have anything to hold him, went home for the night, only to come back a few hours later because this one,” Anya tilted her head towards her friend. “found something.”

 

“They must _love_ you down at the station.” Lincoln commented sarcastically.

 

“You’d expect her to be the least favorite person there.” Anya responds. “But she’s the reason our case closure rates are so high.” She beamed.

 

“Please stop.” Lexa looked away from everyone’s stare – and Clarke’s amused smile. “This is getting embarrassing.”

 

“So we spend the next 10 hours gathering evidence on this new guy Lexa suggests is the killer. We also got a warrant for his arrest.”

 

“Was she right about him?” Clarke asks.

 

“Almost.” Anya answers, causing her friend to roll her eyes. “Right down to it, we figured he’d be in either one of two places.” They all nod as she continues. “So we each decide to check them out.”

 

“We probably should’ve waited for back-up.” Lexa suggests.

 

“I did. _You_ should’ve.”

 

“Oh my god.” Clarke mutters under her breath.

 

“It would’ve been too late, I _just_ made it in time.” Lexa adds defensively.

 

“But then you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”

 

“But they’d have gotten away by then.”

 

“They?” Everyone around the table but Clarke ask in unison.

 

“Wait, _get hurt_? What?” The blonde asks, clearly confused and slightly worried.

 

“It’s nothing.” The brunette looks embarrassedly at everyone around the table, particularly Clarke. “I broke a finger, my left pinky. That’s it.” She holds up her left hand from under the table.

 

The blonde sighs. “What did you do?”

 

“Well we thought there was only one person there. Turns out we had _two_ killers…and I managed to handcuff one of them when the other guy came out of nowhere.” She pauses before adding almost inaudibly and quickly, “And I broke it when he, quite literally, tossed me on the floor.”

 

“He _what?!_ ” Clarke’s eyes widen. “Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine.” Lexa smiled. “Really, its nothing.”

 

“Things like this happen fairly often at work.” Anya told her. “She doesn’t wait for back-up half the time and almost gets me killed along with her.”

 

The blonde all but glared at Lexa.

 

“What?” She asked defensively, looking around the table. “If I waited, our killer would’ve gotten away. And I didn’t almost get killed.”

 

“That’s only because you’re back-up got there in time.”

 

“I would’ve been fine.”

 

“See what I have to put up with?” Anya asked Clarke.

 

“Well, you don’t want me to die or anything.” Lexa added casually.

 

“That’s only because there’d be too much paper work.”

 

“Ouch.” Lexa pretended to be hurt by that, causing everyone else to laugh.

 

They talked for a couple more hours. It was mostly Anya telling the other’s how annoying it is to make sure Lexa doesn’t get herself killed.

 

“Lexa, you’re life’s not a video game. You can’t just respawn.” Octavia told her after Anya finished telling them about a particularly “ _brilliant_ ” encounter with a suspect.

 

“I’m with O on that.” Clarke backed up her friend. “You gotta be more careful…at least take someone with you when you go to track down people with… _violent tendencies_.”

 

Lexa only shrugged.

 

As they all finally left the bar, Clarke walked up next to Lexa. “I really didn’t take you to be one of those cops.”

 

“What do you…what’d you mean?” Lexa asked as they walked.

 

“Not waiting for back-up; not really caring whether you get killed by the guy behind the door; forgetting your Kevlar vest…I could keep going.” The blonde responded.

 

“I guess some times you just have to go for it and not think about the consequences. Its either that or spending more hours looking for the killer…or maybe even not getting him in the end.” She said. “And besides, Anya’s always there to watch my back.”

 

Clarke nodded. “She’s probably saved your life more than once now.”

 

“You have no idea.” The brunette almost laughed.

 

.

 

Clarke had seen Lexa almost everyday for the past week. There wasn’t much work for her to day and Lexa was off from work till her broken finger was healed. “It’s a broken pinky, _on my left hand_ , not a broken arm. I could be working.” It was no secret that her life revolved around her work and not being able to do what she loved was something Lexa wasn’t too fond of. Especially if it meant having nothing to do other than sit at home doing…pretty much nothing. However, she had to admit that it wasn’t that bad with Clarke and her friends around.

 

Her third day back at work, the blonde hadn’t heard from her all day. It was a little unusual because most days there would be at least a text. Raven and Octavia had noticed her checking her phone every few minutes.

 

“Clarke!” Octavia exclaimed, making Clarke look up from her screen. “Staring at that thing won’t make a text from Lexa magically appear.”

 

“Yeah Griffin,” Raven agreed. “If you want to hear from her that bad, send her a text, ask if everything’s alright.”

 

Clarke locked her phone and pocketed it, walking over to her friend in the kitchen. Octavia wanted to make cookies and Raven thought the only way to make sure the apartment wouldn’t go down in flames was if someone helped her. And since Clarke had homework, Raven didn’t have a choice.

 

_“Umm…why?” The blonde asked her roommate after she’d been told they were making cookies._

_“Because I have nothing better to do.” Octavia replied as though it was the most obvious thing ever. “And everyone likes cookies.”_

_“If you don’t burn the place down in the process.” Raven muttered under her breath._

_“What?” Octavia asked, clearly not having heard her friend._

_“Nothing.” She replied quickly with a smile. “Come on, I’ll help.”_

 

“Nah.” Clarke shook her head. “She’s probably busy.” The blonde leaned down in front of the oven, looking at the first batch of cookies inside. “They don’t look too bad.” She commented.

 

“If the dough’s anything to go by,” Raven started. “I think me and O did a good job.”

 

Octavia nodded from the kitchen counter, where she was sitting as Clarke’s phone rang. She quickly silenced it, pressing the lock button.

 

“Who was it?” Raven asked. “I thought you were waiting for a phone call.”

 

“From Lexa, yes.” The blonde admitted absentmindedly. “My mom, no.”

 

“Your mom’s been calling you?” Her roommate asked. “What is it this time?”

 

Clarke thought for a second before replying. “Just…stuff. You know what she’s like, nothing’s _ever_ enough.”

 

Her friends nodded as the doorbell rang.

 

“I got it.” Clarke told them as she walked over to the door. Without asking who it was, she unlocked it and swung the door open.

 

She was greeted by an almost traumatized Lexa; the top half of her light blue button-down soaked in now-dry blood. The blonde’s eyes widened, “Lexa? What happened?” She stepped out of the way letting her in through the door.

 

Clarke could hear her friends gasp audibly from the kitchen as Lexa walked in. “Are you okay?” She asked, her eyes scanning over the blonde making sure she wasn’t hurt.

 

“Yeah.” She seemed detached but nodded slowly. “It’s not my blood.”

 

The blonde, along with her friends, let out a small sigh of relief.

 

“Who’s is it…?” Octavia asked hesitantly.

 

Lexa took a shaky breath. “Anya’s.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY THEN. I felt like there was too much fluff and i needed to do something about it. If you've read any of my caskett ones on fanfiction.net , u'll know fluff isn't my style.
> 
> Did i do the right thing with that ending? Yes? No? Let me know.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So....what happened to Anya?  
> This deals with the aftermath of that and also a lot of Clarke and Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I did what I did at the end of the last chapter. Thanks for the comments though, they made my day.  
> Hope you guys like it.

 “Wait, what?” Clarke gasped as she led Lexa towards the couch.

 

“What do you mean?” Octavia hesitated, stepping towards them. Raven, however, remained at her spot, unsure of what was happening.

 

“Umm…” Lexa had to force the words out. “She was shot.”

 

“Oh god.” Octavia breathed. “Lincoln, does he know?”

 

Although her mind registered the question, it didn’t quite tell her who was talking or even if they were talking to her. “Yeah…” It took her a moment before answering, her voice low and raspy.

 

Clarke sat down next to her, placing her hand on Lexa’s back, encouraging her to continue.

 

“Someone at the station called him right after…” Lexa continued, still trying to take in her surroundings, barely noticing anyone around her. She wasn’t even sure who she talking to at this point.

 

“You should…” Raven started, looking at Octavia.

 

She nodded as she finished her friend’s sentence. “I should go.”

 

The blonde nodded at her roommate from the couch. Octavia grabbed her jacket and keys before rushing out the door.

 

The door closed behind her with a reasonably loud bang, bringing Lexa back to reality. “I’m sorry.” She started, shaking her head slightly, as though noticing Clarke for the first time. “I didn’t know where else to go and I just…” She took a deep breath. “I don’t think I can be alone right now.”

 

The blonde nodded, “Yeah, yeah no problem. You shouldn’t be alone right now.” Clarke let a moment pass before she spoke again, hoping for the best. “How’s Anya?”

 

“I don’t know.” Lexa muttered almost inaudibly, her voice trembling. “She got out of surgery not too long ago and I was stuck at the precinct all day with all the paper work and…” She trailed off.

 

Clarke let out a small sigh of relief. “Did you get to see her?”

 

Lexa shook her head. “No, they won’t let anyone in right now. She’s not doing too well.”

 

“I’m so sorry.” Clarke told her, gently rubbing her hand on Lexa’s back. “Do you wanna take a shower, get out of these cloths?” She asked softly.

 

She nodded slowly after a moment and Clarke took that as a queue to stand up. She held out her hand for Lexa, “Come on.”

 

The brunette took her hand, standing up and followed her to the bedroom.

 

“Thank you.” Lexa said to Clarke, her voice just above a whisper. The blonde was inside her bathroom making sure everything was in place.

 

“You’re welcome.” She smiled, stepping out. “Clothes are in the drawer,” Clarke pointed to the chest of drawers on the opposite side of the room. “Well, t-shirts and pjs.” She walked over and pulled the seconds drawer open partly. “Pick out whichever.”

 

Lexa nodded.

 

“And there are towels by the shower.” The blonde continued, walking past her, back towards the door. “I’ll be in the living room. Call me if you need anything.” She gave her a warm smile and walked out, pulling the door closed behind her. “Oh and throw your clothes on the floor outside the bathroom, I’ll put them in the washer.”

 

Lexa made a beeline for the bathroom as soon as the door closed behind Clarke. Once she had the shower running, she stood in front of the mirror, looking down at the reflection of her bloody shirt, and replayed the events of the day.

 

_“Did you call it in?” Anya asked Lexa as they approached the apartment._

_“No.” Lexa replied. “We’re only here to pick up a witness, I didn’t think we needed to.”_

_Her partner shrugged. “I guess you’re right.”_

_The apartment’s door was open and they walked in with a knock and Lexa announced themselves, “NYPD, Jake Collins?”_

_The two of them waited in silence for a moment and as they advancing further into the apartment, they were suddenly met by a hail of bullets._

_“Shit.” Lexa hissed under her breath, rushing to duck behind the couch. She felt something warm and wet on her left arm; looking down at it, she realized one of the bullets had grazed her. “Really?” she asked rhetorically, clearly annoyed._

_Lexa looked around for Anya but could not see her from where she was. The bullets kept pouring onto them and through the chaos, she was able to determine, there was one shooter, – thankfully, and he/she was shooting from across the living room – where she and Anya were. Lexa pulled out her gun and tried to picture the layout of the apartment although she had only seen it briefly._ Couch, coffee table, TV, hallway…kitchen _; that was her best bet, the shooter had to be there, probably behind the counter, that might give him a relatively clear view of the living room and front door as well as something to stay behind to protect him from their bullets. Lexa waited a couple of seconds; soon the bullets seemed to stop. She assumed the shooter had run out of ammo and took the opportunity to look above the couch, towards the kitchen._

_She was right. The moment he saw her, he fired. Lexa fired back as she ducked back down behind the couch;_ So he’s not out of ammo, _she rolled her eyes, hoping that at least she hit him._ Silence _. It lasted too long, so she decided to take a look once again; she could see blood pooling on the hardwood floor by the kitchen counter. Lexa stood up straight with a sigh of relief, and scanned the room for Anya as she spotted her bleeding out on the floor by the coffee table._

_“No!” Lexa gasped as she rushed over…_

 

Lexa shook her head, pushing the images aside. She couldn’t relive that again. It was bad enough as it was. She moved her hands up to unbutton her shirt when she felt a sting on her left arm; _Right_ … Lexa had almost forgotten about the stitches on her arm; fine, maybe not _all_ of the blood on her shirt belonged to Anya. It wasn’t too bad though, only a few stitches. Nothing really, compared to her partner. Her hands quivered as she fumbled with the buttons. It took her longer than expected to undo them, it was a simple task but her hands weren’t cooperating. Once out of her clothes, Lexa cracked the bathroom door open, dropping them on the floor outside. She walked over to the shower and stepped in, letting the scorching hot water wash away the dried blood from her skin as she let herself fall apart for the first time all day.

 

.

 

“How’s Lexa?” Raven asked, biting into one of her and Octavia’s cookies.

 

“She’s shaken up.” Clarke replied, walking over to her and picking up a cookie from the tray. “Not bad,” She commented subconsciously, her voice muffled by the cookie.

 

“Is Anya going to be okay?”

 

“God, I hope so.” She replied, walking over to one of the cupboards.

 

“What are you doing?” Raven asked, uncertainly, as her friend pulled out a saucepan and began filling it with water.

 

“I thought I’d make her something to eat.” The blonde replied. “Mac and cheese always helps.”

 

Raven smiled as she hopped off the kitchen counter. “I’ll leave you two to it.” She grabbed a few more cookies from the tray and headed towards the door.

 

“You don’t have to leave.”

 

“No, Lexa needs you right now. I’ll give Bellamy a call.” Raven told her.

 

Clarke rolled her eyes.

 

“No, not like that.” Her friend corrected. “Just hang out, you know. Maybe watch a movie or whatever’s decent on _Netflix_.”

 

“So Netflix and chill?” The blonde asked with a smirk.

 

Her friend made a disgusted face, clearly disappointed by Clarke. “What are we? Sixteen?” With that she opened the door. “Later, Griffin.”

 

“Bye Raven.”

 

Clarke turned on the stove and left the water to boil before heading back to her bedroom to get Lexa’s clothes. As she walked up to the pile of clothes, and leaned down to pick them up from the floor, she noticed how much blood was actually on them – it had soaked right through her shirt and onto her bra. Clarke also noticed the small rip on the left sleeve. Although she wan’t sure what had caused it, Clarke didn’t think much in to it. As she stood up, she could hear Lexa from the other side, her sobs muffled by the sound of the running water. She brought her hand up to the door, about to knock to ask if her friend was alright but stopped herself, deciding it was best to leave her alone.

 

.

 

Clarke sat in front of the TV, staring at the screen, not really sure of what was on – it was animated and not for kids is as much as she could tell – and unable to concentrate on anything but the brunette. The mac and cheese was sitting on the stove and Lexa’s clothes were in the washer. It had been over half an hour since Lexa had gone into the shower and Clarke was starting to get worried. Just as she was about to get up and walk back over to her room to check up on her, she heard footsteps behind her.

 

The blonde turned in her seat to look behind her. Clarke had to make herself tear her eyes away from Lexa. She was wearing Clarke’s pajama bottoms, – the white one with the pink, purple and blue puppies on it – a worn out t-shirt, and a half zipped dark hoodie over it. She looked tired and her eyes were bloodshot…she looked exhausted.

 

“Hey,” Lexa muttered, her voice low and hoarse as she walked over to Clarke.

 

“Hey,” She replied as Lexa sank into the couch next to her. “Feeling any better?”

 

The brunette only shook her head slightly in response. “Just tired.”

 

“It’s going to be alright.” Clarke tried to comfort her as she turned towards Lexa, pulling her into a hug. “She’s going to be okay.”

 

Wrapping her arms around the blonde, she closed her eyes and let herself a moment of content in Clarke’s arms. She filled her with a warm feeling, almost giving her hope that Anya would be alright. “I don’t know if I can handle it if she isn’t.” Lexa confessed, her throat tightening and tearing threatening to spill.

 

She brushed the tears away as they pulled apart a moment later. “God, I’m a mess.”

 

Clarke shook her head. “Its completely understandable. You’re going through a lot right now.” She brought her hand up and squeezed Lexa’s arm reassuringly, making her flinch and pull away. “What’s wrong?” The blonde withdrew her hand in a flash.

 

“Nothing.” Lexa replied quickly. “It’s nothing.”

 

“Are you hurt?”

 

“It’s nothing. Really.” She tried to brush it off but Clarke’s piercing blue eyes almost glaring at her made her give in. With a sigh, she pulled down the hoodie from her left shoulder, revealing the stitches on her upper arm.

 

“How did that _happen?!_ ” Clarke exclaimed, her fingers ghosting over the angry red skin.

 

“Bullet graze, its not a big deal.”

 

“Maybe not to you but there are stitches and…” Clarke stood up and began walking towards the kitchen, “…you need to keep that covered.” She came back a moment later with a first aid box. “Take off the hoodie.”

 

Lexa did as she was told, unzipping then slowly pulling her arm out. Clarke moved closer to her. About a minute later, her upper arm was wrapped in white gauge once again. Lexa had taken off the one they’d given her at the hospital after her shower – mostly because it was now wet but also because she found it very irritating and uncomfortable.

 

“I'll get you something to eat.” Before Lexa could say anything, Clarke was already on her feet and walking back to the kitchen.

 

“You didn’t have to.” Lexa said as her friend walked back to the couch with two bowls in her hand.

 

“I’m almost completely certain that you haven’t eaten anything all day.” She started. “So yeah, I did.”

 

The brunette took the bowl from her as Clarke sat down. “Mac and cheese?”

 

“Whenever I have a bad day, it makes me feel _at least_ a little bit better.” She explained and continued with a small smile, “So I was hoping it might help. Even if it's just a bit.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

A few hours had passed with the two of them sitting on the couch, neither of them keeping track of time. An empty carton of _Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough_ ice-cream along with the half empty baking tray with Raven and Octavia’s cookies sat on the coffee table as a movie played on TV. Lexa and Clarke stared at it blankly, not entirely sure what they were watching. Lexa couldn't get herself to think about anything other than Anya and Clarke couldn’t stop thinking about how all of this was effecting Lexa.

 

As the credits rolled, the blonde nudged at Lexa as she began getting off the couch, “Come on.”

 

Lexa looked at her questioningly, not so much as making an effort to stir in her seat on the couch.

 

“Let’s go to bed, it’s late and you’ve had a long day.” She explained.

 

“Oh,” Lexa nodded. “Umm, I can sleep on the couch.”

 

“No, no.” The blonde shook her head. “I can sleep in Octavia’s room if sleeping in the same bed makes you uncomfortable, but you don’t have to sleep on the couch.”

 

She shook her head. “I don’t want _you_ to be uncomfortable.”

 

Clarke smiled as she held out her hand, “Come on.”

 

.

 

“Which side’s your’s…” Lexa asked awkwardly as they walked up to the bed.

 

“Left.” Clarke replied without a thought, walking to the bathroom and turning on the tap. “You can turn the lights out, I’ll be there in a sec.”

 

She got in to bed with a sigh and laid down, her back towards Clarke’s side of the bed. Lexa closed her eyes and tried not to think about the day she’d had but in no vain. The only thought going through her head was Anya and whether she was alright. She was glad she didn’t have to be alone tonight but Lexa didn’t really want anyone – _especially_ _Clarke_ – to see her like this.

 

Moments later, Lexa felt the mattress slightly sink as Clarke settled down next to her. She stayed still for a few long seconds before speaking in a soft voice, “Hey, its gonna be okay.”

 

Lexa sniffed, not really sure why Clarke was saying that when she realized for the first time that she was crying.

 

“Look at me.” The blonde tried. “Please.”

 

Reluctantly, she turned around to face Clarke, who, without a word, pulled her in closer. Lexa didn’t hesitate but went along, resting her head on the blonde’s chest before her the small voice in her mind could tell her otherwise. She was a mess and there was no denying it, it made her feel weak to be breaking down like this, but Lexa couldn’t help it tonight. “I don’t know what to do. This was all my fault.” She said between sobs.

 

“It wasn’t your fault. Why would you even say that?” Clarke asked, rubbing her hand up and down her back, trying to comfort her.

 

Between the sobs and blaming herself for it, it took longer than expected to tell Clarke about what had happened that led to Anya getting shot.

 

_“I should’ve called it in.”_

_“I should’ve done something.”_

_“I should’ve protected her.”_

_“It should’ve been me.”_

 

“No, no. It wasn’t your fault. There’s nothing you could’ve done to stop it.” She tried again. Clarke could feel tears soaking through the thin material of her t-shirt. “Whatever happened today, that’s not on you.”

 

She could feel Lexa shaking her head against her in disagreement. “She’s my partner, whatever happens to her; it’s on me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone that left kudos and commented. The comments really, they made my day so thank you.
> 
> Oh here's a really basicsketch of the layout of the place where Anya got shot coz i know it sounds confusing http://i.imgur.com/hSUBlrk.png
> 
> Loved it? Hated it? Let me know in the comments or on my tumblr k17l53.tumblr.com/ask


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ummm......angst....?  
> Picks up from where the last chapter left off. There's a bit of Lexa and Anya and a considerable amount of Clexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone that read, commented, left kudos. It means a lot and I'm glad you guys are enjoying it.  
> This chapter was kinda hard to write so I hope you guys like it.

“What are you doing?” Clarke asked groggily, cracking an eye open to look at Lexa, who was walking out of the bathroom, dressed in a pair of skinny jeans and t-shirt from the blonde’s closet.

 

“The hospital called.” She replied.

 

“What did they say?” Clarke sat up straight.

 

“Anya’s stable. For now.” Lexa told her. “I borrowed some cloths, hope that’s okay.”

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Clarke brushed it off. “What time is it?”

 

“Umm…” She looked at the watch on her wrist. “2:05 am.”

 

The blonde only nodded. “Come on, I’ll drive.”

 

“You don’t have to.” Lexa tried but Clarke was already getting out of bed. “It’s late and you should sleep, you have class in the morning.”

 

“It’s fine. You shouldn’t be behind the wheel right now.”

 

She thought for a moment before nodding. “Alright.”

 

“Give me 2 minutes.”

 

.

 

The ride to the hospital was a short one but felt a lot longer. Lexa was very anxious and Clarke wanted to say something that would calm her down but she couldn’t think of anything that would help. The small voice inside Lexa’s head wouldn’t stop telling her how badly she messed up and if anything happened to Anya, it would be her fault. She didn’t know what to expect once she saw Anya again. She hadn’t seen her since they rushed her into surgery – probably one of the most terrifying moments of her life. Her hands were shaking, Lexa looked down at them, almost feeling Anya’s blood on them once again, warm and wet against her skin. She clenched her hands into a fist in an attempt to stop the trembling and hoped Clarke hadn’t noticed.

 

“You okay?” Clarke asked, glancing towards Lexa for a fraction of a second before her eyes darted back to the road.

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Lexa replied quickly. “I’m just not sure what to expect right now.”

 

“She’ll be fine.” She told her. “You have to stay positive.”

 

“Not the easiest thing to do right now.” Lexa muttered.

 

Arriving at the hospital, it only took a couple of minutes to find a parking spot. Lexa stepped out of the car, frozen to her spot. “What if something happens to her?”

 

Clarke circled around the car and linked her arm with Lexa’s. “Well, we have to hope for the best. But…” She paused, continuing reluctantly, “…if something does go wrong, – _if_ – you won’t be alone, I’ll be right here.”

 

“Thanks.” Lexa nodded and with that, they made their way towards the entrance and up to the floor where Anya’s room was.

 

As they approached, they noticed Octavia sitting on one the chairs on the wall opposite Anya’s room. “Lincoln’s inside.” She told.

 

Lexa nodded as she walked up to the door.

 

“I’ll be right here okay?” The blonde told her.

 

She nodded as Clarke took a seat next to her roommate.

 

“How’s she doing?” Octavia asked her friend, looking straight ahead as the door closed behind Lexa.

 

“As well as you’d expect.” Clarke sighed. “What about Lincoln?”

 

“Lexa’s probably better at dealing with her emotions than he is.” She turned to look at Clarke as she continued, “He’s a total wreck.”

 

“Not by much but yeah, probably.”

 

Octavia turned to Clarke and spoke 'If something happens to Anya…’ letting the sentence hang in the air unfinished.

 

.

 

“Hey,” Lexa said softly as she entered the room, standing by the door as Lincoln stood up from the chair next to Anya’s bed. He muttered something into his sister’s ear, kissed her forehead and walked towards the door causing Lexa to move further into the room.

 

“Hi,” Her friend greeted her as the door closed softly behind her brother. Her voice was barely audible amidst the sound of the machines beeping in the background; it was reassuring in a way, Lexa thought, it meant her friend was still alive.

 

“How are you doing?” She asked, sitting down next to her partner.

 

“Not too well.” Anya sighed. “I just wanted to see you one more ti-”

 

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence.” Lexa cut her off, her voice low and gravelly, almost stern. Taking her hand, she continued, “It’ll be okay. You’re gonna be okay.”

 

“I wouldn’t be so sure.” She forced the words out.

 

Lexa shook her head, not saying anything.

 

“Try to see it as it is.”

 

“Please don’t…” Tears threatened to spill. Anya would be okay. She _had_ to be. “You’re going to be fine. In a few months, you’re going to be back at the station with me, catching killers, doing what we do best…” She could almost feel her heart tightening in her chest as she forced the words out.

 

“Lexa…”

 

“And I’m going to stop messing up like this.” She blinked the tears away as she continued. “I’m going to wait for back-up and…and I’m going to call it in…”

 

“Lexa stop.” Anya cut her off. “We both know that’s not happening.”

 

“Don’t do this to me. Please.” Lexa shook her head. “I know I messed up this time. Like _really_ messed up and I’m so sorr-”

 

“It wasn’t your fault, please don’t say that.”

 

“But it was.” Lexa looked away from her friend and down at her hand holding Anya’s, muttering, “It should’ve been me.”

 

“No.” She shook her head ever so slightly. “You can’t do that to yourself, Lexa.” Anya paused. “I need you to promise me a couple of things.” When Lexa didn’t look up at her, she pressed on. “Please.”

 

“Okay,” She whispered, finally looking up.

 

“Promise me you’ll look out for Lincoln.” Anya started. “You know how he can be.”

 

“Don’t say it like that.” Lexa pleaded, trying her best to not let the tears spill. “Don’t say it like you’re not going to be around to do it.”

 

“I probably won’t be.” Her voice wavered. “He’s all I have.” Anya continued. “You and Lincoln. You’re all I have left. And the two of you mean more to me than anything else in this world, you know that. And I need to know you’re going to look out for each other if I’m not around.”

 

“I will. I promise.” Lexa tried to stay strong, wiping away the tears now spilling as she nodded. “But I don’t think he will want to see me after what I did.”

 

“He’s not mad at you.” She started. “He knows it wasn’t your fault.”

 

“But it was.”

 

“Another thing I want you to promise,” Anya continued, dismissing what Lexa had said. “This one’s about you.”

 

“What’d you mean?”

 

“Promise me that if I don’t make it, you’re not going to spiral out of control.”

 

Lexa sighed looking away once again, not saying anything.

 

“Promise me you’re not going to shut yourself out and you’re going to let people help.”

 

She scoffed. “Who do I have left?”

 

“Clarke.” Her friend answered, straining to speak. “She cares about you. Whether you choose to believe it or not…”

 

Lexa went silent for a second before answering, “I can’t promise you that. I’m sorry, but you know I can’t.”

 

Anya hummed in acknowledgement. It wasn’t anything unfamiliar when it came to Lexa; whenever something bothered her or something bad happened, she would shut everyone out, pretend she was perfectly fine. Anya had believed her too, the first few months. But then one day, she just broke down. It was something small that finally sent her over the edge, making her crumble. “There’s another thing.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“You can’t blame yourself for this.”

 

The moment the words left her mouth, Lexa let go of her hand and leaned back into her chair, refusing to look at her partner.

 

“And you can’t take it out on yourself.”

 

Lexa sighed, “I’ve been clean for years now.”

 

“Not completely.” Anya reminded her of the night last year, after her mom had called.

 

“Clean enough.” She corrected herself.

 

“Fine, _clean enough_. But I don’t want this to push you over the edge.”

 

“Nothing’s going to happen to you.” Lexa told her, trying to convince herself more than Anya. “And who’s going to pull me back over the edge without you around?”

 

“Clarke.” Anya was having more difficulty speaking. “Like I said, she cares about you and you have to let her in.” She repeated.

 

“She’s not going to want to stick around after all this.” Lexa paused. “After she sees me like this.”

 

“You don’t know that.”

 

She let a moment pass before agreeing reluctantly, “Fine. I’ll let her in… _if_ she wants me to.”

 

Silence fell over for a couple of seconds before Lexa finally spoke. “You know I love you right?”

 

“Of course I do, why would you even ask me that?” Anya’s voice was just above a whisper. “I love you too.”

 

Lexa smiled through the tears.

 

“And Lexa?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“This wasn’t your fault.” Anya tried again.

 

“I don’t know if I believe that. Or if I ever will.” Lexa leaned forward and took her friend’s hand once again. “You’re going to be okay.”

 

Her friend forced a smile, closing her eyes. Lexa made small circles on the back of Anya’s hand with her thumb. Silence fell, the sound of the machines and Anya’s breathing almost soothing. Everything was calm and for a moment, Lexa believed everything would be alright again; that everything would go back to the way it was before… _all this_. And that Anya would be back at the station, by her side in a matter of months.

 

All of a sudden, everything changed. The rhythmic beeps of the machines in the background changed to one more urgent as a wave of doctors rushed in to the room and Lexa was practically shoved out. “No wait,” she wasn’t sure what had happened, assuming the worst. “What’s happening? Is she okay?” She craned her head to look but couldn’t as the door slammed shut in her face.

 

Lexa remained rooted to her spot outside the door as Clarke almost ran up to her. “What happened?”

 

“Something’s wrong.” Her voice trembled as she answered.

 

“Come on,” Clarke placed her hand on the small of her back, guiding her to one of the chairs in the hallway.

 

“Lexa, what’s wrong?” Lincoln asked, standing next to them. Lexa had completely missed him standing right outside the door when she got, practically, thrown out. “Is Anya okay?”

 

“I don’t think so.” Lexa replied, her voice almost inaudible.

 

Silence fell as Octavia led Lincoln back to his seat, trying to comfort and reassure him that his sister would be alright while Clarke did the same with Lexa. Clarke wanted to say something to help calm either one of them down but decided against it. After a few agonizing minutes, the door to Anya’s room opened as a doctor stepped out. Both Lexa and Lincoln stood up and walked over to her, asking if Anya was alright. The doctor – Dr. Cartwig – spoke in a low voice, Clarke and Octavia unable to hear a word.

 

A moment later, Lincoln stormed off down the hall causing Octavia to take off after him. And Lexa stumbled a step backwards, almost collapsing into the chair behind her; her entire world crumbling around her. Clarke rushed over but Lexa didn’t speak, she just stood silent for a few moments.

 

“She’s gone.” The brunette finally said, her voice low.

 

“Oh god.” She gasped, wrapping her arms around Lexa. “I am so sorry,”

 

Lexa remained stiff, unsure of what to do with herself. It felt like her entire world was crumbling around her but she couldn’t even move.

 

Clarke remained quiet for a few long moments before pulling apart, “Let’s take you home.”

 

.

 

“She’s gone because of me.” Lexa said as she laid down in bed, speaking for the first time since they left the hospital. “It’s all my fault.”

 

“No, it’s not.” Clarke tried.

 

“But it is,” She raised her voice slightly as she sat up straight, swinging her legs off the bed. “Her blood’s on my hands. I should’ve done something…”

 

“There’s nothing you could’ve done,” The blonde followed her friend’s lead, sitting up and scooting closer to Lexa. She settled right behind her. “You know, it wasn’t your fault. It’s on the son-of-a-bitch that shot her, not you.”

 

“But she is-” Lexa stopped herself before continuing, her words having to be forced out. “ _Was_. She was my partner. I was responsible for everything that happened to her just like she was responsible for everything that happened to me.”

 

Clarke didn’t say anything, just moved closer and rested her head on the back of Lexa’s shoulder, letting her know she wasn’t alone.

 

“I feel so empty right now.” Lexa whispered, tears spilling. “It feels like my entire world is collapsing and someone is tearing up my insides.” She sucked in a shaky breath.

 

“You’re not alone on this okay?”

 

“Why does it feel like I am?” She questioned. “Anya’s _gone_ and Lincoln _hates_ me…”

 

“Lincoln doesn’t hate you. He doesn’t even blame you for what happened.” The blonde told her.

 

“He does.” Lexa said before Clarke could continue. “He’s not going to say it. He never would.”

 

“You shouldn’t blame yourself.” She nudged Lexa as she did lied down, asking her to do the same.

 

Lexa followed, lying down on her back, looking up at the ceiling. “God, I’m having a serious case of déjà vu.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Clarke asked, puzzled.

 

“I get the people I love killed.”

 

“Why would you say that?”

 

“Because Anya isn’t the first person that died because of me.”

 

“Anya didn’t die because of you.”

 

Lexa shook her head.

 

“And who are you talking about?”

 

“Costia.” She replied.

 

Clarke waited for her to continue.

 

“She was my girlfriend through the last two years of college.” Lexa explained. “I thought it meant something…I mean two years is kind of a long time. But we lost touch after graduation.” She paused for a moment. “She came back though, during my first year in homicide. As a cop.” The brunette almost smiled, still unable to believe Costia hadn’t told her. “The two of us had talked things out, and we were back together within a couple of days… “ Lexa continued with a sigh. “She was just starting out and me and Anya had been in homicide for a few weeks now. And it was a busy week at the precinct so they paired her with the two of us to show her the ropes.” She paused.

 

“What happened?”

 

“I fucked up.” Lexa stated. “After a couple of months, we were working on this case and we went to bring in our suspect. We didn’t wait for back-up and just rushed the whole thing. The apartment was empty when we went in. Me and Anya didn’t clear the place properly. Costia went ahead to see if our suspect had left anything useful behind when…”

 

Clarke waited for her to continue and eventually she did, “…when we heard a gunshot. He came out of nowhere with a gun drawn…bullet went straight through her head.” The brunette clenched her jaws at the memory of seeing her on the floor, bits and pieces of her insides splattered on the wall and floor. “And it was my fault. Just like this was.”

 

They went still for a few seconds before Clarke finally spoke, “What did you and Anya talk about?”

 

“She told me to look out for Lincoln.” She started, turning on her side to look at Clarke. “…And she told me to not shut everyone out. And to not blame myself for this.”

 

She nodded. “She’s right. You shouldn’t be blaming yourself for this.”

 

Lexa wiped at her eyes, stopping the tears before they could spill. “I don’t know what to do without her.” The aching in her chest seemed to get worse with every word she spoke.

 

Clarke pulled her in closer. “I’m so sorry. She didn’t deserve this.”

 

“No,” She shook her head against Clarke. “If anyone did, it was me.”

 

“Don’t do that to yourself.”

 

“I don’t know what to do.” A sob escaped her before she could stop it. Breaking down in front of someone wasn’t something Lexa found ideal. She didn’t like to let herself do that when alone let alone around someone. She could bottle everything up for a very long time before the lid finally came off. And when it did, it would be 2 in the morning, with no one around; and Lexa would plug in her headphones and just let herself go. Some times she couldn’t even pinpoint a specific reason that made her finally break down. Yes, it wasn’t healthy but Lexa found it easier than talking about what was wrong. “I don’t know what to do without her.” Lexa repeated, forcing the words out.

 

Clarke sighed, her arm around Lexa tightening. The sound of Lexa’s ragged breaths and muffled sobs filled the room as they lay there; Lexa almost content in Clarke’s arms.

 

The aching in her chest seemed to dull as she let herself fall apart. It made her feel lighter somehow yet worn down and tired, wanting to collapse right then and there next to Clarke. Anya was like a sister to her, it felt like a part of her died along with her. Lexa could feel herself falling apart inside, it wasn’t something she hadn’t felt before, only this time it hurt more than she thought was possible.

 

.

 

She wasn’t sure when either of them had finally fallen asleep but Clarke was woken up by movement next to her. The blonde yawned as she sat up, turning the light on the nightstand on. “Lexa?” Surprisingly she was still asleep but rather uncomfortably. Lexa stirred uneasily in her place; obvious to Clarke that she was probably having a nightmare. “Hey,” She tried to wake her up. “Lexa wake up,” She tried again, placing a hand gently on her arm.

 

Her eyes shot open as she jerked awake. Lexa let out a sigh of relief and visibly relaxed at the sight of Clarke.

 

“What’s wrong?” Clarke asked once Lexa sat up.

 

“Nothing.” She lied after a couple of seconds.

 

“Did you have a nightmare?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“That’s not nothing.”

 

“It is when you’re me.” The words left her mouth before she could stop them. “I’m sorry I woke you up.” Lexa added before Clarke could question her. “Let’s just go back to sleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loved it? Hated it? Let me know on the comments or send me an ask on my tumblr. 
> 
> also I meant to update sooner but I was out of town and just really busy. Hopefully I'll update the next chapter this weekend.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya's funeral and Lexa dealing with that and well, Clexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and comments. There isn't much to say about this one really, I'm trying to come out of the angsty stuff and go back to more Clexa but i'm not having the easiest time doing that so i'm taking it slow, I don't wanna rush. Anyways, hope you guys like it.

She hadn’t spoken a word to anyone since she the funeral. All her colleagues telling her and Lincoln how sorry they were for their loss was unbearable. Lexa had blocked out most of it; not intentionally at first, she just couldn’t make herself listen to the same thing over and over and over and _over again_. Everyone telling them what an amazing person Anya was and how the precinct will miss her dearly when half of them didn’t even know her. Clarke was there through it all though. Her reassuring hand on the small of her back made a bigger difference than Lexa would care to admit. She remained stoic throughout the day, stiff and solemn, not wanting anyone to see how she was crumbling on the inside; Clarke had seen her like that and that was already one too people. Lincoln, on the other hand, couldn’t even open his mouth without falling apart; Lexa was glad he had Octavia to hold him up. The weather frustrated her angry; bright and sunny, when it should’ve been dark and rainy and depressing. The feeling of the sunlight almost blinding her as she walked up with her partner’s casket felt like a distant memory whereas it had only been a few hours ago. After the funeral, Lexa just couldn’t take it anymore; she’d gotten in her car and driven off after the funeral; driving around aimlessly the entire day before deciding to return home when she realized it had gotten dark.

_“Where are you going?” Clarke asked grabbing Lexa’s arm as she walked up to her car._

_“I don’t-” She started, not knowing herself. “I just need to get away.”_

_Her friend gave her a concerned look._

_“I’ll be fine.” Lexa tried to reassure her. “I’ll let you know when I get home.”_

_“Okay.” Clarke let go of her arm. “Just be safe, okay?”_

 

The past five days were some of the worst for Lexa. She couldn’t help but break down every time a thought about Anya crossed her mind. It wasn’t very convenient but not having to go to work meant she could lock herself up in her room and let herself go without having to worry about anyone seeing her this… _weak_ ; almost everyone was convinced that she was alright. Other than Clarke of course, there was no way Lexa could convince her that she was alright. Yes, she _wasn’t_ alright but everyone else took her word for it so why couldn’t the blonde? The two of them had been spending a considerable amount of time together; it was mostly Clarke who came over because Lexa didn’t want to show up at the blonde’s apartment, admitting she didn’t want to be alone. But she didn’t push though; Clarke didn’t make Lexa talk about anything unless she was up for it, none of the ‘ _you need to talk about it, bottling it up inside isn’t good for you_ ’ crap. Sometimes just _being_ _there_ was enough. And that’s what Clarke would do.

 

Clarke had stayed over the previous night; although Lexa wouldn’t admit it, she didn’t want to be alone. “It’s okay to cry, you know?” The blonde had told her, “You’re only human.” Lexa had only nodded; its not that she didn’t not want to cry, it was the fact that she just couldn’t anymore. The last few days had drained her out and now she was just exhausted and wanted all the things she was feeling to stop. She felt numb after waking up in the morning today. Lexa’s hands trembled and fingers were not really listening to her brain as she buttoned her uniform’s shirt. The tie proved to be harder than the last time she’d worn one.

 

_“Ugh.” Lexa groaned out loud as stood in front of the mirror, letting go of the tie around her neck in frustration after attempting to tie it for the fifth time._

_“What’s wrong?” Clarke asked, walking up behind her._

_“Can’t get it right.” She sighed. “My hands aren’t cooperating.”_

_“Let’s see if I remember how to do it.” Clarke said as she reached over Lexa’s shoulder._

_Turning the tie inside out, she smiled as her hands went to work, moving almost on their own._

_“That’s not ho-” Lexa started._

_“I know.” She nodded. “Different knot.”_

_A few seconds later, Clarke tightened the black tie around her neck, patting it flat. “It’s a little lopsided…”_

_Lexa gave her a small smile. “No, it’s not.” She tugged at the knot, slightly straightening it, “See?”_

_Clark was right about it looking better; very subtle but it was more triangular and symmetrical unlike the four-in-hand Lexa was accustomed to. “Thanks.”_

_“I can’t get the four-in-hand right.” She confessed as she stepped away from Lexa. “I know its easier to do than this one but I can never get it right.”_

 

She broke down the moment the door closed behind her. Pushing it closed with her back, Lexa slid down against it, sitting down on the floor. It replayed in her mind once again; the day she got shot, the apartment, the shooter, _Anya…_ followed by her final moments with her. It needed to stop. Every goddamned second replaying in her head over and over again, it needed to stop. It would eventually drive her crazy. A sob escaped her throat, catching her off guard. Wrapping her arms around her legs and resting her head against her knees, Lexa took a deep breath, trying to calm herself, which only resulted in another sob.

 

Nothing really helped with the pain at this point. Alcohol took the edge off but she didn’t want to show up to work on her first day back with a hangover. And the thought having to go back to work tomorrow morning almost made Lexa feel sick. The precinct wouldn’t be the same without Anya. _Sleep_. She needed to sleep. There wasn’t anything else she could get herself to do right now and the idea of being able to shut down for a few hours seemed appealing. Lexa probably didn’t get even one night of undisturbed sleep – as far as undisturbed goes for her – since the day of the shooting.

 

Taking a deep breath, Lexa brought her head up after a while and stood up. She couldn’t get herself to walk further than the couch. She stepped out of her trousers and collapsed on to it. Loosening the tie and pulling it over her head, she unbuttoned her shirt and discarded them on the floor below her. Lexa leaned back against the couch and reached out, looking for the TV remote. Pressing the power button, she leaned down to untie her shoes and kicked them off. There was never anything good on – not like she was going to watch it anyways. But it would be a good distraction. She settled on _Cartoon_ _Network_ just because everything else was either too depressing or too serious and an episode of _The Regular Show_ seemed like her best option. Lexa didn’t have to pay attention to it; just staring at the screen was enough.

 

.

 

Clarke was worried. With Lexa drinking the last few days and being completely torn up over Anya, she wasn’t entirely convinced Lexa should be alone and on the road. It had been hours since she last heard from her let alone saw her.

 

“Call her.” Raven said from the couch as Clarke walked up to her with a glass of water.

 

“She wants to be alone.” Clarke replied.

 

“But it’s been hours.” Her friend told her. “Well, it’s been all day.”

 

“I guess you’re right,” The blonde muttered as she sat down next to her friend and typed out a text.

 

Halfway through the second episode, a sudden buzzing made her jump, bringing her back to reality. It took Lexa a moment to figure out where the sound was coming from; the pocket of her trousers which were laying on the floor. Fishing it out, she read the name on the lock screen before unlocking it.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**12:04am**

R u back home?

 

A second text came in a moment later, before she could type out her reply. Lexa had forgotten she was meant to let Clarke know once she’d returned home.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**12:04am**

Lexa?

 

**Lexa**

**12:05am**

I got home about half an hour ago. I’m sorry I didn’t text you sooner.

 

Clarke sighed in relief as she read the text and typed out a reply.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**12:05am**

It’s fine.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**12:05am**

How r u doing?

 

Lexa thought for a moment before replying. No matter what she replied with, it wouldn’t convince Clarke that she was okay. If she said everything was fine, her friend would know she was lying; if she told Clarke how she was feeling at that moment, it would worry her.

 

**Lexa**

**12:06am**

I’m alright.

 

The blonde rolled her eyes as the reply got through.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**12:06am**

Did you have dinner?

 

**Lexa**

**12:06am**

No…

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**12:07am**

Let me rephrase, did you eat anything all day?

 

**Lexa**

**12:08am**

No…

 

Clarke just sighed, concerned about Lexa as she slowly dragged herself off the couch.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**12:08am**

I’ll be over in a few minutes.

 

“Where are you going?” Raven asked uncertainly as she watched her friend grab her jacket and keys.

 

“Lexa’s.” Clarke replied, not looking at Raven. “I’ll get some take-out. She has work tomorrow morning and I personally think people need to eat in order to survive.”

 

“Should I be surprised?” Raven asked.

 

“With what?”

 

“The fact that Lexa hasn’t bothered to eat all day or the fact that you’re rushing over to her place; I can’t decide.” She couldn’t help but smirk.

 

“It’s not like that.” The blonde turned to look at her, rolling her eyes. “We’re just friends and I wanna make sure she’s alright.”

 

“Whatever you say, Princess. I’ll stick around for a while okay?”

 

Clarke nodded as she walked out through her door and called their usual pizza place.

 

“Hey Harper, it’s Clarke.” She greeted as Harper answered.

 

“Hey,” She greeted back. “The usual?”

 

“Almost.” The blonde said. “Pepperoni instead of cheese would be great.” After all, it was Lexa’s favorite.

 

“You got it. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

 

Lexa had gotten herself to pull on a pair of pajama shorts by the time Clarke knocked on her door. She was still wearing the tank top, which was under her uniform’s shirt, unwilling to bother with a different t-shirt. The TV was still on _Cartoon Network_ when she opened the door.

 

“I brought pizza.” Clarke said with a small smile.

 

“You didn’t have to.” Lexa opened the door wider, stepping aside to let her in.

 

“I kinda did.” She started. “Take it from someone who’s going to be a doctor in the near future: people need food in order to survive.”

 

A couple of hours had passed in silence, the two of them now watching _An Amazing World of Gumball_. The pizza box, with only a couple of slices now missing, sat on the coffee table along with the now half-empty bottle of soda. Clarke had her arm around Lexa’s shoulder and her head was resting on the blonde’s shoulder. The silence was comforting, letting her know that there was no pressure on her to talk about how she was feeling or what was going on inside her head, but it let her know that she wasn’t alone and if she wanted to, Lexa had someone she could talk to.

 

“Thank you.” She spoke in a low voice, catching Clarke of guard.

 

“For what?” Clarke asked.

 

“For this…” Lexa brought her head up and looked at her. She didn’t know where to start. She’d been a mess since the shooting and the only thing Lexa knew she could rely on was Clarke. “For being there for me…almost every night since the shooting. I don’t know what I’d do if I had go through this on my own.”

 

The blonde gave her a warm smile and nodded. “You don’t need to thanks me, that’s what… _friends_ are for.” Clarke’s not sure what made her pause before saying the word ‘friend’ but something about it just didn’t feel right. The two of them had gotten a lot closer over the past week and even before that, there was something about Lexa – something Clarke didn’t want to admit to her friends – and she wasn’t really sure if _friends_ described their relationship. _We’re not anything more…_ She thought. “I’m just glad I could be of some help.”

 

Lexa nodded, her lips curling up at the edges ever so slightly.

 

Clarke hoped that she didn’t notice the slight pause but if the way she was looking at her was any indication, Lexa did. Their faces were too close for Clarke to not look down at Lexa’s lips. _Don’t do it don’t do it don’t do it_ she kept telling herself in a futile attempt to not let her eyes glance down…but they did. _WHY DO I HAVE SO LITTLE SELF CONTROL?_ She scolded herself. _That’s the point of no return…_

 

Lexa had caught on to what was happening and before her mind could register what her body was doing, she was already leaning ever so slowly towards Clarke, who seemed to not be moving away.

 

As her mind finally caught up, she pulled back, too subtle to be questioned as she cleared her throat. “You have class in the morning.” Lexa said not looking at Clarke but at the watch on her wrist. “It’s late. I’m so sorry I kept you up.”

 

The blonde shook her head. “No, no, not at all. It’s fine.” She stood up from the couch. “And you have work in the morning.” Clarke reminded her.

 

Lexa let out a deep breath as she followed Clarke to the door; thankful the blonde hadn’t…said anything. “Don’t remind me.”

 

“Get some sleep okay?” She said, opening the door.

 

“I’ll try my best.” The brunette held it open as Clarke stepped outside.

 

“At least you’re being honest.” She joked. “Good night Lexa.”

 

“Good night Clarke.” Lexa closed the door behind her and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. _What the fuck was that?_ She could almost hear the voices inside her head yelling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't too sure about the ending but I thought why not. Whether it was the right decision to leave it in instead of taking it out at the last moment is up to you guys, so let me know.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's first day back at work ft. her new partner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly Lexa but there's a lot of clexa in the second half. And a bit in the first half.

_It’s going to be a long day…_ Lexa thought as she stepped out of her car with her cup of coffee in her hand. It was the first time since the shooting she’d been to  _The Ark_ and Bellamy was relieved to know that he hadn’t lost a customer. It also helped to have seen Clarke before her day began.

 

_“Cappuccino with an extra shot of espresso and no sugar, right?” Bellamy asked with a smile as he saw Lexa approach the counter._

_“Yeah.” She muttered, giving him a small smile._

_Bellamy punched her order in and Lexa swiped her card. “Just be a minute.”_

_She nodded, waiting by the counter._

_“I thought I lost you.” He said as he returned a moment later with her drink and a small paper bag. “I mean there is a_ Starbucks _right across the street from your precinct.”_

_“I wasn’t in for work the last few days.” She told him. “I think Clarke and Octavia told you.”_

_“Yeah.” Bellamy handed her the coffee along with the paper bag._

_Lexa looked at him questioningly, taking it from him, she never got anything other than coffee in the morning._

_“Chocolate muffin.” He explained with his warm smile. If Lexa was going to be honest, she probably never saw him without a smile – other than the first time she’d met him and he was_ trying _to be mad at his baby sister. “It’s on the house.”_

_“Too much chocolate in my opinion.” Lexa turned around at the familiar voice._

_“Who complains about too much chocolate?” Bellamy asked Lexa, taken aback, as she turned back to him and Clarke joined them._

_“Not me.” She told him with another small smile, turning to Clarke as Bellamy walked off to get her coffee. “Morning.”_

_“Morning.” The blonde greeted back. “Ready to go back to work?”_

_Lexa let out a deep sigh. “Well…”_

_“It’ll be okay.” She raised her hand, gently squeezing Lexa’s arm. “How’s the umm…other arm?”_

_“Nothing but a scratch now. There’s still a mark, but most of it will fade away. Eventually.” She told Clarke as Bellamy returned with her drink._

_The two of them walked out of_ The Ark _together in silence, making their way towards their cars. “I’m sorry I kept you up late last night.” Lexa apologized as they approached Clarke’s car. It was parked right behind the brunette’s._

_“It’s fine. You really have to stop apologizing.” She brushed it off with a small smile. “How are you doing?”_

_Lexa shrugged, answering honestly, “I don’t know.” But offered a half smile nonetheless._

_“Call me when you get out, okay?” Clarke asked, unlocking her car. “I’ll come over if you want me to. Or you can come over, I don’t think O’s gonna be home.”_

_She nodded as Clarke opened the door and got into her car._

 

Walking into the precinct, it felt like nothing had changed. The elevator was still the same, the people riding up with her were still the same, the people who greeted her as she walked into the bullpen towards her desk were the still the same. It felt like nothing had happened, everything was just as it had been before and the last few days were nothing but a terrible nightmare. Everything was fine up until the moment she made it to her desk – and Anya’s desk, which was opposite her’s. It looked different, all of Anya’s personal belongings now gone and replaced by someone else’s. _Officer Caris Harvey_ , read the nameplate now on the desk. Lexa didn’t recognize the name or have a face to go with it as the chair was empty.

 

With a small sigh, she sat down her bag on the floor next to her desk. Pulling the chair out, Lexa was about to sit down when a knock caught her attention. It was their captain, Captain Indra Carson; her office was only a few feet away from Lexa and Any– _Officer Caris Harvey’s_ desk. She motioned Lexa with her head to join her in her office. She nodded in response, doing as she was told.

 

“Captain.” Lexa greeted as she closed the door and stood across the desk from Captain Carson.

 

“Take a seat.” She waited till Lexa had sat herself down before continuing. “How are you doing?”

 

“I’m alright.” Lexa replied, almost too quickly.

 

“I know you’re not one to talk so I won’t ask you too much.” Lexa nodded gratefully, she’d had enough of people trying to get her to talk about Anya’s death and how she was feeling, so this was a nice change. “You have a new partner.” Indra pointed out.

 

Lexa was dreading this bit; she’d hoped that it would take a little bit longer to find someone new for the precinct. “Officer Harvey?”

 

Indra nodded. “Transfer from vice.” She told her. “One of the best they had down there; a lot of potential, I can see her going far. I thought who better to take her under their wing than you?”

 

“Seriously?” Lexa muttered under her breath. “She would be better off with literally anyone else.”

 

Her captain waited a few moments before speaking again, “Be nice, she’s excited to be here and I expect you two to get along.”

 

Lexa nodded as she stood up from her seat.

 

She ran a hand through her hair as she approached her desk and noticed that there someone was now sitting at the desk opposite her’s. Lexa thought it was safe to assume that it was her new partner, Caris Harvey. As the young officer caught a glimpse of Lexa, her head shot up, quickly followed by her standing up and extending a hand for Lexa. “Detectives Woods?”

 

Lexa couldn’t help but smile at the enthusiasm in her new partner’s voice. She nodded, shaking her hand. “I guess you’re stuck with me.”

 

“Are you kidding?” She started as they both sat down. “I’ve heard a lot about you and I’m glad we get to work together.”

 

Sitting at her desk across from Anya’s with someone new behind it was proving to be harder by every passing minute. So it was a relief when their captain poked her head out of her office’s door and gave them the address to a body drop a couple of hours later. “You’re first murder,” Lexa said as she and Officer Harvey made their way down the stairs, not bothering to wait for the elevator.

 

“I know.” She beamed, her voice dripping with excitement.

 

Maybe the body drop wasn’t the greatest thing that could’ve happened to Lexa today. Sure it wasn’t the easiest thing having to watch someone else sit where her best friend and partner used to, but it was a lot harder working a case with someone new. It seemed like a straightforward case and Lexa hoped they would be able to close it by the end of the day. Between interviewing suspects and going over evidence, she could feel herself slowly falling apart inside once again; every little thing reminded her of Anya – the lack of presence of her coffee mug next to Lexa’s in the break room, Lexa’s messy scribble of a handwriting on the murder board instead of Anya’s clear block letters … Around 4pm, she couldn’t take it anymore and just wanted the day to be over already so she could go home and drown her pain in alcohol just like every other night these past few days.

 

“Where are you going?” Caris looked up from the papers laid out on the conference table in front of them as Lexa abruptly stood up. They were going through their suspects’ credit history; the murder seemed like a professional hit, which meant their suspect had to have paid someone a reasonably large amount of money to get the job done.

 

“I need a minute.” With that she rushed out of the room, walking straight towards the janitor’s closet, knowing it was the only place in the entire building she could be alone. Rushing to close the door, Lexa leaned back against it, covering her mouth with her hand to prevent the sob that suddenly escaped her lips. Her entire body trembled as she let herself slide down onto the floor, her hand still clasped over her mouth. Lexa couldn’t stop the sobs from escaping but the least she could do was be as quiet as possible, attention was the last thing she wanted right now. Lexa wasn’t sure how she was going to go back to work and make everyone continue believing she was alright. It was almost impossible to calm herself down for the next 10-15 minutes but eventually, she somehow managed to. Quietly, Lexa exited the janitor’s closet and made her way to the bathroom. The cold water on her face felt nice and she hoped it wasn’t too obvious that she had been crying only a few seconds ago.

 

“Everything alright?” Caris asked without looking up as Lexa entered the conference room with all their papers.

 

Lexa nodded. “Did you find anything?” She had half expected her voice to waver and was surprised when it didn’t.

 

“I think so…” She said, holding up a piece of paper with pink highlighter marks on it for Lexa to take a look at.

 

A few hours, two suspects and an arrest warrant later, Lexa and Caris watched as a pair of uniforms took away their killer. “You just closed your first homicide, officer.” Lexa said, almost proud.

 

“It feels great.” She said with a wide grin. “I have a bit of paperwork, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

 

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded as she walked to her desk to grab her bag.

 

Getting in her car, she realized it was a little past midnight and decided against calling Clarke; Lexa knew better than the fact that she wasn’t asleep but it was late nonetheless and she didn’t want to bother her, Lexa kind of just wanted to be on her own…for now anyways. But Clarke would probably worry if she didn’t so Lexa sent her a text instead.

 

.

 

Clarke was sitting on her couch with Octavia watching _Kitchen Nightmares_ when her phone buzzed.

 

“Is that Lexa?” Her roommate asked.

 

“Yeah.” She nodded. “She just got out of work and wants to be alone right now.” Clarke briefly recapped the text for her friend, looking down at the small screen.

 

“I wish Lincoln would say that.” She shook her head.

 

“He’s alone right now…?” Clarke trailed off, unsure.

 

“That’s only because I said I needed some time to myself. I know his sister was just killed and all,” Octavia started. “But like, I can’t stick around 24/7. Does that make me a bad person?” She asked her friend but answered it herself before the blonde could. “Probably. _But_ it’s a bit too much for me.”

 

“Give him some time O, he’s going through a lot.”

 

“I know but like…look at Lexa, yeah you’re there for her when she needs you but that’s not _every second of the day_.”

 

.

 

_I’m not going to cry…not again,_ Lexa thought as she pulled out a bottle of vodka from her kitchen cupboard and unscrewed the cap, taking a swig. She wondered how long it would take for the aching in her chest to finally subside without her having to drown it out at the end of the day in either vodka or scotch. _This is getting ridiculous,_ she thought. Lexa had promised herself that she wouldn’t get drunk after going back to work but today was probably the hardest since the night Anya died.

 

Two hours and over a quarter of a bottle of vodka later, Lexa sat on her living room floor, her left hand bloody as broken bits of glass lay next to her on the floor. She wasn’t even crying, she didn’t since getting home; Lexa just felt numb and empty, as though all the tears had been drained out of her in the last few days.

 

The glass was from a picture frame, which used to be on the end table by her couch. It had a picture of Anya and Lexa, a selfie she was reluctant to take after closing their first homicide. When she sat down on the couch, it felt like the picture was mocking her, reminding her of all the good times they’d had and how Anya would still be here if it weren’t for her stupidity. After a while, Lexa couldn’t stop herself from picking it up and flinging it across the room. It hit the wall, smashing into tiny pieces as it fell on to the floor. It had taken a few minutes for her to get up and try to clean it but she’d lost her balance for a moment and slipped. But Lexa managed to catch herself on her hand, letting it fall flat against the shards of glass. With her good hand, she reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, dialing the only number Lexa knew she could.

 

.

 

Clarke lay on her bed, staring up at the ceiling in the dark when her phone vibrated against the nightstand. It was unlikely for it to be anyone other than Lexa calling at this hour so she answered without looking at the caller ID, “Hey,” It wasn’t unusual for her to be calling this late but it had only happened twice after Anya’s death and it was only because Lexa didn’t know who else she could talk to. They didn’t talking much though, it was mostly just to allow herself to know that someone was there for her and that she didn’t have to go through it alone.

 

“I’m sorry to wake you up, I know it’s late.” Lexa started from the other end. Her voice was strained and raspy but not like she had been crying, it sounded more tired and exhausted.

 

“No, no.” Clarke started, “I wasn’t even asleep.”

 

“It’s past 2am, Clarke.” Lexa reminded her, clearly unamused.

 

“I know.” She said. “I couldn’t sleep, I was worried about you. Is everything okay?”

 

There was brief pause on the other end before the brunette hesitantly asked, “Could you maybe come over… _?_ ”

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Clarke turned on the light on her nightstand as she sat up. “What’s wrong?” _This_ was unusual. Late night calls were never to ask Clarke to come over, they were mostly just to make the crippling sense of loneliness go away – even if it was just temporary. If she needed her over, something must be wrong.

 

“Uh…”

 

A couple of seconds passed with Lexa trying to find the right words, by then Clarke was already walking out of her room. “It’s fine, I’m on my way.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

Clarke left a brief note for Octavia on the kitchen counter, letting her know where she was. She pulled on her jacket and grabbed her keys, making sure Lexa’s one was on there as well. Clarke had gotten her keys about a week after they’d met. She was over at Lexa’s place probably for the second time and they’d fallen asleep on the couch when Lexa got called into work at a ridiculous hour. She didn’t want to wake Clarke up so she’d left a note on the coffee table along with a spare key.

 

Arriving at Lexa’s apartment, Clarke parked her car in the usual spot and made her way upstairs. Sliding the key into the lock, she opened the door slowly and stepped inside. She noticed the brunette almost instantly, sitting on the floor, her arms around her knees and back against the wall. “Hey,” Clarke walked up to her, kneeling down.

 

“Hey,” Lexa breathed out, giving Clarke a small wave without realizing she’d just shown her how badly she’d hurt herself.

 

“What happened?”

 

“I cut myself cleaning up the glass.”

 

The blonde nodded as she stood up, “First-aid kit?”

 

“Bathroom.” Lexa’s voice was just above a whisper.

 

“Come on,” Clarke held out her hand. “Get away from the glass before you get hurt again.”

 

She took her hand, using it to pull herself off the floor and walked over to her bedroom. Lexa sat down on the edge of the bed as Clarke made her way to the bathroom to get the first aid kit.

 

“Were you drinking again?” Clarke asked as she sat down next to Lexa and took her hand in her’s, cleaning the cuts and making sure there weren’t any bits of glass left in there.

 

“I think you already know the answer to that.” The brunette sighed. “But I’m not drunk…not really.”

 

“Not by much, but I wouldn’t say sober either.” She pulled out an antiseptic spray from the first aid kit. “This is going to sting.”

 

Lexa clenched her jaws, not so much as flinching as Clarke sprayed on to her hand. The blonde blew on it gently to help the spray dry against her skin then proceeded to get the bandage. “A lot of small cuts. You probably won’t be using this hand for a couple of days.” Clarke told her as she started wrapping it around Lexa’s hand.

 

“I’m sorry I called you, it’s really late but I just…” She stopped for a moment. “It has been a really long day and I just… I don’t know what to do.”

 

Clarke nodded, “It’s fine. Like I said, I wasn’t asleep. And even if I was, I wouldn’t mind.”

 

“I can’t expect you to be there whenever I need you. Especially at ridiculous hours like this.”

 

Clarke paused suddenly at Lexa’s words. “That’s exactly what you can expect.” She told her, tucking in the loose end of the bandage and smoothing it over with her thumb, still holding her hand. “I’m here for you, whenever you need me.”

 

Lexa nodded as Clarke pulled her into a hug. She out a sigh against the blonde’s shoulder as she wrapped her arms around her. It was exactly what she needed after the day she’d had. And there was always something with Clarke that offered so much comfort; no matter the situation, it always helped make her feel better, even if it was just slightly. “Thank you.” Lexa whispered against her, burying her face into Clarke’s shoulder, breathing her in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hasn't too happy with the first half, idk why really. But i think the second half was pretty good. I don't wanna rush things with them but at the same time, I think I need to get a move on.   
> Thoughts on the chapter?


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa fluff mostly. And Abby shows up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter's mostly fluff. I thought that was called for after the last few chapters. So I hope you guys like it.  
> Spoilers for thg Mockingjay if you haven't read it yet.  
> **tw mention of self harm

The past two months had been slow. But to Clarke and Octavia’s relief, Lexa and Lincoln had been getting better at dealing with Anya’s death. Octavia and Lincoln had been spending a bit more time apart – which Raven and Clarke believed was a good thing for them – and when they were together, they both seemed to be having a better time. Lexa had been sleeping more and drinking less, which Clarke agreed, was a fine improvement. They spent more time together which involved more smiles and decent TV shows. Lexa and Lincoln had also been spending more time with Clarke, Octavia and Raven once again; movie nights at their places or drinks at  _Grounders_ …to Lexa, it felt like things were slowly getting back to normal.

 

“Last episode.” Lexa said as Clarke pulled up the fifth episode of _How to Get Away with Murder_. “I have work in the morning.”

 

The two of them were lying in Clarke’s bed, under the covers with her laptop. Octavia was out for the night with Monty and Jasper and she would be spending the night with Lincoln because he was working and couldn’t join them. Lexa didn’t stay over if Octavia was home mostly because it would raise questions and neither her nor Clarke wanted to go through the whole _“We’re just friends”_ thing – even they weren’t entirely convinced it accurately described them at the moment. It was already past midnight but the show was too good to stop, if anything it was getting better with every passing episode.

 

“It’s just so hard to stop.” Clarke started. “But yeah, last one.”

 

“You don’t have class tomorrow right?” Lexa asked as the _previously_ _on_ played.

 

“Nope.” She replied, fast-forwarding through it. “But I do have to get myself out of bed relatively early to finish editing this paper.”

 

It took Lexa longer than she’d expected to fall asleep. Being in such close proximity of Clarke was getting harder and harder with every minute they spent together. Watching episodes or movies together was easier than falling asleep next to her because they kept her mind distracted. Since their almost kiss two months ago – the one they both refused to acknowledge, there was a sense of awkwardness between them; when their hands accidentally touched yesterday while getting the door to _The Ark_ , the glances across the booth at _Grounders_ last weekend…or maybe it was just Lexa being unable to keep her feelings in check because the blonde seemed unaffected by it. Either Clarke was really good at not showing how she felt, wasn’t really affected by that almost kiss or just didn’t want their friends to be able to say “We told you so”. Raven and Octavia were catching on if their comments meant anything. It wasn’t just because of the almost kiss, Lexa thought, she had a hard time keeping her eyes off the blonde since the moment they met but that night…that kind of escalated it all. Lying on her back, Lexa sighed as Clarke’s arm found its way to her, draping it across her waist. _She was not making this easy._

.

 

“O?” Clarke asked as she stepped out of her room, surprised to see her friend. “I thought you were spending the night with Lincoln.”

 

Octavia, standing by the kitchen counter, motioned towards the living room with a small nod. “He got held up at work.”

 

Clarke looked over, unsure of what her friend was pointing to. There was clearly someone sitting on the couch but she couldn’t make out their face. She took a step forward, “Mom?”

 

“Clarke, good morning.” Her mom turned to look at her.

 

“What are you doing here?” Clarke asked, standing across from her, arms crossed over her chest.

 

“Well, its nice to see you too.” Abby muttered. “Can’t I stop by to see how my daughter is doing?”

 

“Well…you don’t.” She shrugged, walking away to join Octavia causing her mom to get up and follow her.

 

“And I know you don’t have class today so you can’t walk out on me.” She told her daughter. “I need to talk to you about something.”

 

Clarke glared at her roommate as she poured two mugs of coffee, one for herself and another fro Lexa. There was no way her mom knew what days she had class so it had to have been Octavia. “What do you want to ta-” She was cut off by Lexa who had just walked out of her bedroom, dressed in only a t-shirt and _really short_ pajama shorts.

 

“Hey Clarke, do you kn-” Lexa stopped abruptly, noticing how Clarke wasn’t the only one in the room. If the look on Octavia’s face was anything, she and Clarke were never going to hear the end of this. The look on the other woman’s – whom Lexa did not recognize – face was mostly shock. “I’m gonna go.” She muttered under her breath, stepping back into Clarke’s room.

 

“OH MY GOD.” Octavia exclaimed in disbelieve the moment the door closed shut. “OH. MY. GOD.” She had a huge grin on her face as she stared at Clarke in disbelief.

 

“Who was that?” Abby asked, knowing better than to pay attention to her daughter’s best friend.

 

“No.” Clarke stated simply to Octavia before turning to her mom. “And that was Lexa, she’s just a friend.”

 

“Just a _friend?!_ ” Her best friend choked out, trying to contain her excitement.

 

“You and I have very different definitions of the word ‘ _friend_ ’.” Her mom told her.

 

“Wait till Raven finds out about this.”

 

“You’re not helping O.” Clarke snapped before turning back to her mom. “She’s just a friend and there’s nothing going on between us, she was just staying over for the night.” She paused. “Wait…would it be a problem if there _was_ something going on between us?” She knew the answer to that; her mom had made it very clear that she didn’t approve of Clarke’s… _choice in partners_ , more specifically their gender when it wasn’t a guy.

 

Octavia leaned back against the counter, watching her friend and her mom was always entertaining. She just felt a little sorry for Lexa having to walk in like that.

 

“Umm…” Abby stalled. “Octavia do you have somewhere you need to be?”

 

“No,” She replied with a smile.

 

“I wanted you to hear this from me before anyone else.” Abby went back to talking to Clarke. “Marcus proposed.”

 

“ _What?!_ ” Clarke and Octavia exclaimed in unison.

 

“The wedding is next month, on the 12th, details are on the invitation – yours are on the coffee table along with Bellamy and Raven’s; I would appreciate it if you could give it to them. And I expect you guys to be there.”

 

Octavia nodded.

 

“ _Expect_ us to be there?” Clarke asked, cocking an eyebrow. “I don’t know mom, we might be busy.”

 

“Yes, I need my family to know you’re still alive – they haven’t seen you in that long.” Abby rolled her eyes.

 

“It’s not like they _want_ to see me anyways.”

 

Abby sighed, choosing to ignore it. “And if you bring a plus one just…it should be a guy okay?”

 

Clarke didn’t say anything, only walked off with the coffee mugs.

 

“Clarke stop.”

 

“Why?” She snapped, turning on her heel to look at her mom, already halfway to her bedroom. “I don’t have a plus one anyways…and I was actually thinking about turning up but you just had to go ahead and say that.” Clarke turned back around, walking back to her room. “I have work to do mom, I’ll see you later.”

 

She stepped inside her room, slamming the door behind her. She stopped in her tracks when she caught a glimpse of Lexa. She had changed into her jeans and was only just pulling on her t-shirt, the same one from last night. It took Clarke a moment to get herself to speak, turning around in an attempt to look away, “Sorry, I didn’t know you were changing…”

 

“It’s fine,” Lexa said, quickly pulling the t-shirt down over herself. “You can turn around now,”

 

“Sorry,” She muttered, handing Lexa the mug and sitting down on the bed.

 

“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but is everything okay?”

 

Clarke sighed, “How much did you hear?”

 

“The walls are pretty thin.” Lexa sat down next to her. “And I’m sorry about that…me walking in like that.” She shook her head.

 

“It’s fine.” Clarke smiled. “Oh right,” She remembered. “You wanted to ask me something didn’t you?”

 

“Yeah. I was just looking for the shirt I left here last time.” Her clothes usually ended up in Clarke’s drawer – second drawer from the top, along with her pajamas – but not this time and she didn’t want to go through any of the other drawers so Lexa didn’t have a choice but to wear the t-shirt she’d shown up in last night. “It wasn’t in the drawer.”

 

“Oh right,” She remembered. “Other drawer, it was empty so I thought I’d put your stuff in that one.”

 

Lexa walked up to it, waiting for Clarke to tell her which one.

 

“Top left.”

 

Pulling out the shirt, Lexa turned around, her back facing Clarke and pulled of her t-shirt.

 

She tried, she really did but it was almost impossible to not look at the brunette. “You have a thing for tattoos, don’t you?” It surprised Clarke that she didn’t know about the elaborate tattoo on Lexa’s back. It covered her shoulder blades and coming down her spine.

 

Lexa turned her neck, looking at Clarke, “Uh, yeah.”

 

“It’s beautiful.” She walked over, “Can I…?”

 

“Yeah,” Lexa pulled her hair over her shoulder, giving Clarke a better look.

 

Lexa’s breath hitched as Clarke’s fingertips touched her back. She wanted to tell herself that it was because her hands were cold and not because her fingers were in contact with her skin. Clarke traced the design with her fingers, running down her spine, doing her best to not be distracted by the flawless skin. Which she failed as her hand moved away from the tattoo, onto a clear expanse of skin…smooth and flawless. Lexa didn’t complain, well she was pretty much frozen so she couldn’t exactly even if she wanted to. Clarke looked questioningly as her fingers ran across a bit of skin on the side of her lower back, which was a bit rougher than the rest. Her hand stopped, causing Lexa to look back at her, “What’s wrong?”

 

“What happened?” Old scars heal, but they leave a mark and Clarke knew what self-harm scars looked like. She just didn’t expect to see them on Lexa.

 

She wasn’t sure what Clarke was talking about, moving her eyes down to look at where her hand was, “Umm…” Lexa stepped away from her touch. “It’s nothing.” She pulled on her shirt, looking away from her. “I know what it looks like bu-”

 

“But it’s not?” Clarke asked rhetorically.

 

“It is…” She sighed, buttoning her shirt. “But it was a long time ago and…” Lexa rubbed her eyes trying to think of something to say. “I was in a bad place and…it was a really long time ago. Can we pretend like this conversation never happened?”

 

Clarke thought for a moment before replying. “I won’t bring it up ever again unless you want to talk about it or anything…”

 

Lexa nodded, walking towards the door. “Is your mom still here?”

 

“I don’t think so.” She shook her head. “I’ll put on some cloths and then meet you in the kitchen okay?”

 

Lexa walked out of the bedroom with her coffee mug to be greeted by Octavia who seemed like she was waiting for her. “So…” She started as Lexa approached.

 

“Morning.” Lexa greeted.

 

“You and Clarke…”

 

She rolled her eyes. “What about it?” Lexa questioned.

 

“What’s going on with you two?” Octavia asked.

 

“There’s nothing going on between us.”

 

“You walked out of her room, practically half naked.”

 

Lexa almost glared at her, clearly unimpressed.

 

“Okay fine, you weren’t but _still_ …” She stopped for a moment. “That’s gonna have a lasting impression on Clarke’s mom.”

 

“I didn’t know she was here.” Lexa said in her defense. “And I didn’t know you were here either. Weren’t you supposed to be with Lincoln?”

 

“Don’t turn this on me and yes I was, but he got held up at work.”

 

“O, please stop harassing her.” Clarke said as she walked up to them.

 

“I’m going to be late for work,” Lexa said, trying to hide her smile as she walked towards the front door. “We’re still on for movie later, right?”

 

“If you don’t catch a murder then yes, I’ll meet you at the theater at…when is it again?”

 

“5:20.”

 

“Right so I’ll meet you there a little before then.”

 

As the door closed behind Lexa, Octavia turned to her friend and said in a singsong tone, “You guys going on a date?”

 

“OH MY GOD.” Clarke groaned out loud walking towards the living room. “It’s not a date. Just going to watch a movie O.”

 

“What movie?” She followed her friend.

 

“The new _Mockingjay_.” She sat down on the couch and turned the TV on.

 

“Didn’t that come out like 2 weeks ago?” Octavia took a seat next to her roommate.

 

“Yes and Lexa and I have been too busy to watch it and we need a break.” Clarke paused. “So it’s Friday and we’re hoping no one gets killed…or well she doesn’t get called in because someone decided to commit murder.”

 

“It’s a date.” Her best friend said after a beat of silence.

 

“No, it’s not.” The blonde protested. “And Lexa doesn’t do dates…I don’t either. We’re just friends and that’s it.”

 

“Does Raven know you guys are going on a date?” She disregarded everything her best friend _just_ said about it not being a date.

 

.

 

**Lexa**

**5:02pm**

I just left the precinct.

 

Clarke checked her phone once she’d parked at the movie theater’s parking lot. It had been ten minutes since Lexa sent the text and she predicted it would take her another five minutes to get there. So Clarke quickly typed out a reply as she walked inside.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**5:13pm**

Yay, no one got killed.

 

Lexa could hear her phone buzz with a text as she turned around a corner. She expected it to be from Clarke, letting her know that she was already there. She decided to wait until she’d parked her car.

 

As she read the text, Lexa couldn’t help but smile or stop her eyes from rolling. She wasn’t sure why she bothered to, but Lexa typed out a reply as she walked inside.

 

**Lexa**

**5:18pm**

I just got here.

 

Clarke was still waiting in the queue to get some snacks. She was worried the movie would start before the two of them were inside when she remembered that trailers were on for about 20 minutes. Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she pulled it out.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**5:18pm**

I’m at the snacks counter. Already got the tickets.

 

Lexa looked up from her phone, scanning the place for Clarke, spotting her fairly easily at the snacks counter. There were only two more people in front of her.

 

“Hey,” Lexa greeted her with a small smile as she stepped next to her.

 

“Hey,” Clarke smiled back.

 

“This is going to be a little weird though.” Lexa pointed out after a few of seconds of silence.

 

“What is?”

 

“The place is full of teenagers. We’re probably the only ones who aren’t.”

 

“I thought you watched the other _Hunger Games_ movies.”

 

“I did.” She paused. “But I caught the late night shows just so I didn’t have to be surrounded by kids.” They stepped forward as the queue moved.

 

“Aww.” Clarke smiled. “Badass detective Lexa doesn’t want to be seen with a theater full of kids?”

 

Lexa sighed. “How do think I get my badass reputation? By _not_ being seen in a theater full of kids.”

 

Clarke laughed out loud and Lexa couldn’t help but smile, it was just too cute. Although it was hard for her to admit, she’d do anything to hear her laugh.

 

They stepped forward, finally reaching the counter, “What do you want?” Lexa asked.

 

“Oh, you don’t have to.”

 

“You got the tickets, I think I can get the snacks.”

 

She smiled, turning to the cashier, “Small _Diet Coke_ please.”

 

“Make that two.” Lexa told him. “Popcorn?” She turned back to Clarke.

 

“Only if you want, I can never finish it.”

 

The trailers had already started by the time Clarke and Lexa walked into the theater. It took them a minute to find their seats, third row from the back in the middle. Lexa was right; the place was almost completely full of teenage girls. There were probably a couple of viewers who were older. _Probably_.

 

They were a quarter way through the movie when Clarke leaned in towards Lexa, her lips almost touching her ear. “I still can’t stand Peeta.” She whispered.

 

Lexa tensed for a moment to the close proximity of Clarke’s mouth, her warm breath on her ear. “I thought I was the only one that couldn’t stand him.” She finally muttered in response.

 

The popcorn was on the armrest between the two of them to make it more convenient – less awkward because there was a smaller chance of both of them reaching in at the same time. A few minutes before the movie ended, the container was empty without either of them realizing it. Clarke’s hand was already in there, searching for one last popcorn when Lexa decided to reach in as well; the moment her hand touched Clarke’s she pulled away, muttering an almost inaudible “Sorry.”

 

Clarke turned her head, having noticed her hand. Lexa was looking intently at the screen when the blonde reached out for her hand, silently taking it in hers. Clarke looked back at the screen, pretending she didn’t just do that as Lexa turned to look at her. It took her a moment before turning back to the movie, the muscles in her hand still tense. The blonde made small circles on the back of her hand, probably subconsciously, causing Lexa’s hand to finally relax.

 

.

 

“I really wish they hadn’t killed Finnick and Prim.” Clarke said as they made they’re way towards the exit hand in hand, their fingers now intertwined.

 

“They had to stay true to the book.” Lexa responded, pushing the door open with her free hand.

 

“But movies change things all the time. Like _Percy Jackson and the Olympians_ …” She shook her head before continuing. “The only thing same with the books and the movies are the titles.”

 

Lexa nodded. “So I have to say, they did a way better job with _The Hunger Games_ movies.”

 

They walked in silence up to their cars, walking up to Lexa’s first. She took out her keys and unlocked it when Clarke unexpectedly stepped in closer, causing Lexa to push up against the side of the car unsure of what was happening but finding the need to put some distance between herself and Clarke.

 

The blonde remained silent to a second, her eyes flicking between Lexa’s eyes and lips. “I so want to kiss you right now.”

 

She swallowed the lump in her throat. “What’s stopping you?” If it was anyone else, anyone other than Clarke, it would’ve sounded like a challenge but with her…Lexa was surprised she could get the words out without stuttering.

 

Clarke almost laughed, looking down at their still-conjoined hands. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m just too stubborn to give my friends the satisfaction of doing that.”

 

Lexa didn’t know what came over her when she let go of the blonde’s hand, bringing it up to her face. “I’m not.” She brought her face closer to Clarke’s, who didn’t move away – she had half expected her to. Their lips met, Clarke’s were soft and gentle, a hint of the taste of Coke still lingered. The blonde closed her eyes as Lexa’s lips touched hers. She didn’t know what she expected but this was so much better. Lexa’s eyes fluttered shut as Clarke kissed back and brought her arms up, snaking them behind Lexa’s neck before moving them up to the back of head, her fingers running through the brunette’s hair. Clarke opened her mouth and Lexa took the opportunity to slide her tongue inside the blonde mouth. She tilted her head, trying to get a better angle, her nose sliding against the Clarke’s.

 

“We can’t.” Clarke stepped away abruptly, biting her lower lip.

 

Lexa gasped for air, once again unsure of what had just happened. She was still too dazed by the kiss to say anything when Clarke started to walk away. “Wait,” She finally called out, taking off behind her. “Clarke, wait.”

 

The blonde didn’t, pretending to not have heard Lexa, she kept walking till she reached her car, unlocking the door. The brunette tried again, “Will you stop for a second?”

 

She turned around, “What?”

 

“Talk to me, what’s wrong?”

 

“We can’t.” She shook her head, opening her door, “I can’t, Lexa.” With that she got in her car and drove off, leaving Lexa standing alone in the parking lot, still dazed from their kiss and questioning what she’d done. She remained rooted to her spot for a few seconds, with the voices inside her head yelling at her before she regained her ability to walk back to her car.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So....what'd you think of this one and what about the ending?


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So aftermath of that kiss. A lot of mention of Clexa and a lot of Clarke and Lexa scenes just not much of Clarke and Lexa interacting...with each other. Also get to see the gang (O, Bell, Raven and Clarke) together again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, thanks for all the comments and kudos, its really motivating. Its a pretty long chapter, longest chapter I've ever written, hope you guys like it. Oh and Murphy makes an appearance.

Clarke remained seated in her car even after reaching her apartment, letting herself look back on what happened for the first time since she left Lexa. She wasn’t too sure how long the drive back was but her mind was too distracted to think about anything other than Lexa’s lips on hers. She gave herself a minute of silence before stepping out of the car and making her way to her apartment. As she slid the key into the lock, Clarke’s phone buzzed in her pocket. She paused, pulling it out only to silence it and shove it back into her pocket. Talking to Lexa was the last thing she needed right now.

 

Taking only a few steps into the apartment, Clarke froze on her spot. Octavia, Lincoln, Raven and Bellamy were in the living room watching a movie. They hadn’t planned anything today and Clarke just wanted to drown out what had happened in some terrible reality show.

 

“Hey…?” She greeted them questioningly as she approached.

 

“Hey,” Octavia said with a smile, looking up from the screen as the others let out a chorus of ‘hi’s and ‘hey’s without so much as looking at her.

 

“Did we have a movie night planned…?”

 

“No, no. I’m actually leaving in a few minutes.” Lincoln replied.

 

“We didn’t really have anything better to do so…” Raven added, motioning towards the TV.

 

“What are you watching anyways?” Clarke asked, sitting down on the couch next to Octavia and Lincoln.

 

“ _Inside Out_.” Bellamy answered.

 

Clarke’s eyes widened, forgetting for a moment about Lexa and their kiss. “Wait, Bellamy Blake is watching _Inside Out_?”

 

He rolled his eyes. “I will admit it’s a good movie…as far as animations go.”

 

There were only about ten minutes of the movie left and the room fell silent as they all got drawn into it – well, _almost_ all of them. Clarke was the only one not really paying attention. How could she though? The only thing – _person_ – on her mind right now was Lexa…and that kiss and how good her lips felt on hers.

 

“Earth to Clarke.” Octavia said waving her hand in front of her best friend’s face, voice slightly louder than usual.

 

Clarke snapped out of her thoughts, noticing the movie was now over. “Hmm?”

 

“Your phone.” She pointed out and only then did Clarke realize it was ringing once again.

 

“Right, sorry.” Pulling it out, she silenced it the moment she read the name on the screen, sliding it back into her pocket.

 

“Is everything okay?” Raven asked as Lincoln and Bellamy began to get up.

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Clarke lied. “Just my mom.”

 

“Oh yeah, O told us about what happened this morning.” Bellamy told her.

 

“Of course she did.” The blonde rolled her eyes, smiling nonetheless.

 

“That must’ve been… _awkward_.” Lincoln added, walking towards the front door, Octavia behind him.

 

“You have no idea.”

 

“You’re leaving too?” Octavia asked her brother as Lincoln opened the door.

 

“I have a shipment coming into _The Ark_ early tomorrow. Should get some sleep.” He gave her a smile, stepping outside, with Raven and Clarke saying goodbye from their seat in the living room.

 

Octavia kissed her boyfriend goodbye and walked back over to her friends after closing the door. “So…” She started, taking her previous seat on the couch next to Clarke. “How was your date?”

 

“Yeah…” Raven joined in with a smile.

 

Clarke rolled her eyes. It was entertaining most of the time her friends brought up Lexa but not right now. She didn’t want to talk about how the evening had gone as much as she didn’t want to talk about the two of them having kissed. “It wasn’t a date.”

 

Her friends rolled their eyes, almost simultaneously, it fascinated Clarke how in sync they could be. “Come on, Clarke, give us something. How’d things go with Lexa?”

 

Clarke shrugged. “I don’t know what you mean but it was just two friends watching a really good movie… That’s about it really.”

 

“Really?” Octavia cocked an eyebrow. “Then why didn’t you answer her call?”

 

“What?” She pretended to not know what her roommate was talking about.

 

“I was sitting right next to you, the moment you saw her name, you silenced it and put it back in your pocket.”

 

“So there is something going on between you two…” Raven said, realization dawning on her.

 

“No. There’s nothing going on.” With that she stood up, walking to her bedroom before they had the chance to say ask more and slamming the door shut behind her.

 

“Something definitely happened.” Raven told Octavia.

 

She nodded grabbing her phone and typing out a text. “I’ll ask Lincoln to give Lexa a call. Maybe he can get something out of her.”

 

.

 

“ANSWER GODDAMMIT.” Lexa yelled into her phone as the call went to voice mail for the…seventh (?) time that day. She’d driven back to her place after…that _thing_ with Clarke before deciding to call her. Lexa was adamant, trying to push the feelings of that kiss out of her head. Trying to block out her feelings was probably a stupid move because she wasn’t even fooling herself with the ‘ _that was just a kiss and didn’t mean anything_ ’. She hadn’t lasted two minutes after reaching her apartment before pulling out her phone and being unable to stop herself from calling Clarke. After a few rings, it went to voicemail and Lexa didn’t bother leaving one so she’d hung up. She let it go, thinking it was best to give the blonde some time…only it lasted no more than a few minutes before she called her again…and again and again and again. It had been a few hours since her first call and Lexa decided she would stop after this one. It was a little late but obviously Clarke wasn’t asleep.

 

“Why?” Lexa questioned, throwing her head back as she tossed her phone on the coffee table and turned on the TV. She wasn’t questioning why Clarke decided to not answer her phone after _wanting_ to kiss Lexa, she was questioning why she had to even cross paths with this gorgeous blonde with the insanely blue eyes who was always on her mind no matter what. As Lexa flicked through the channels looking for something half-decent to watch, she couldn’t help but think what was going through Clarke’s mind when they kissed.

 

.

 

Clarke’s phone vibrated against her nightstand one last time before the screen changed back to her lock screen with a notification of a missed call from Lexa. It was a little past midnight and she couldn’t help but think what the brunette was doing. She could picture Lexa sitting on her couch with the TV on but the volume turned down as she tossed her phone away in frustration. It made her feel bad, to be honest; after all it was her fault. _Well_ …it was Lexa who kissed her but she had to be stupid enough and tell her _she_ wanted to kiss her. If you really think about it, Lexa was only doing what Clarke wanted. …But she really wishes she hadn’t. Clarke wasn’t ready for a relationship, not after how her last one ended. It was messed up and…well, it messed her up. And Lexa deserved better than “ _messed up from my last relationship_ ”. She’d already been questioning herself about her feelings when it came to the brunette – and doing her best to convince herself that she felt nothing for her other than just a friend – and that kiss didn’t really help.

 

 _GET OUT OF MY HEAD!_ she scolded herself. It was almost impossible to stop thinking about Lexa and how that kiss felt – how it _made_ her feel. Clarke wanted to believe that that kiss meant nothing and it was all just the physical act and nothing more, but trying to convince herself of that proved to be more difficult than she’d like.

 

.

 

“I swear to god, Lincoln, something happened yesterday.” Octavia said into her phone, her voice urgent but quiet enough as to not wake up Clarke.

 

“I know, Lexa was acting weird when I brought up Clarke.” Lincoln said from the other end. “Well, weirder than usual.”

 

“Did you talk to her?”

 

“Yeah. And she said the same thing Clarke did,”

 

Octavia groaned out loud, they were _impossible_. “They will be the death of me.”

 

“We’re not overreacting, are we?” He asked.

 

“No, no, not at all. Bellamy and Raven agree with me on this so no, not overreacting.”

 

Lincoln remained silent, waiting for his girlfriend to continue. Surely there was something on her mind.

 

“We need to figure out what’s going on.”

 

“How? Neither of them are willing to talk.” He reminded her.

 

“I have an idea,” She started before stopping herself. “But I’m going to talk to Raven about it then get back to you…and let Bellamy know what we’re up to.”

 

“Morning,” Octavia heard Clarke say groggily as she walked out of her room.

 

“I have to go.” She muttered into her phone and hung up.

 

“Who were you talking to?” Her friend asked, stifling a yawn.

 

“Just Lincoln.”

 

.

 

“I have a slightly questionable plan to get Lexa and Clarke talking again.” Octavia opened the door to Raven. Clarke wasn’t home, she was meeting up with someone from her class whose name Octavia always forgot, so they thought this was the safest time to talk about her and Lexa without well, getting brutally murdered, _probably_.

 

“Hi O, I’m great, thanks for asking.” Raven stepped inside, walking to the living room and sitting down on the couch. “First off, did Lincoln talk to Lexa?”

 

“Yes.” Octavia sat down next to her friend.

 

“Figured when you said you had a plan.” Raven nodded. “What did Lexa say?”

 

“Same as Clarke.” She rolled her eyes. “I have a feeling something happened at the movie.”

 

“Something like what? The sexual tension finally caught up to them?”

 

“Hell if I know.” Octavia brushed it off. “So…I was thinking we invite Lexa over for a movie…like we do.”

 

“Tonight?”

 

“Yeah, why not? It’s Saturday, and last minute plans aren’t unusual for us. Also Lincoln was saying something about her having the weekend off.”

 

“Okay, go on.”

 

“And we leave the two of them alone.”

 

Raven looked at her friend questioningly. “That’s not gonna work. And how are we even supposed to leave them alone if we’re meant to be there?”

 

Octavia shrugged, “Come up with excuses and then just leave before they can question it.”

 

“That’s one of the dumbest ideas you’ve ever had. It’ll never work.” She shook her head. “And Lexa’s going to come up with an excuse to leave the moment we are gone. That is if she doesn’t come up with one to not show up at all.”

 

Octavia sighed. “But something happened between them and if we don’t do something about it, Clarke will probably never even talk to Lexa ever again.”

 

“I want to say you’re exaggerating about Clarke but you’re not.” Raven frowned. “Did you talk to Bellamy? He’s usually the Blake with better – _more sensible_ – ideas.”

 

“Not yet.”

 

.

 

“They’re gonna see each other on Monday morning anyways.” Bellamy told his sister as he handed a cup of coffee to one of his customers. He had heard his sister’s _brilliant_ plan and disapproved immediately, saying it would be pushing things and that they needed to figure out what was wrong before trying to fix it.

 

Octavia only looked at him questioningly while he took another order.

 

“Murphy, take over.” Bellamy said over his shoulder to one of his baristas after taking the order. He walked of to the far end of the counter where he knew they wouldn’t be overheard or interrupted, his sister followed. “They both get coffee from here every morning.”

 

“Oh,” Octavia seemed a little taken back. “I kinda forgot about that.”

 

“I know.” He replied, unsurprised. “And even if they don’t talk to each other, I can let you know if they’re acting weird or anything.”

 

Her face broke into a smile. “You’re willing to spy on them?”

 

“No.” He deadpanned. “But yes, something probably did happen between them and I want to know what.” Bellamy stopped before adding quickly, “For Clarke’s sake”

 

“What if they don’t even show up at the same time?”

 

“Then you _know_ something’s wrong.” Bellamy told Octavia. “They’re never late…or early.”

 

“You know how Clarke can be.” Octavia said after a beat of silence, her voice taking on a more serious tone. “And I think Lexa’s good for her…I mean, I haven’t seen her actually comfortable around anyone like that for a very long time. But if whatever happened isn’t taken care of soon enough, she’s probably not even going to remember who Lexa Woods is.”

 

“I know.”

 

.

 

Clarke was lying in her bed later that night, her brain exhausted from all the studying. It was weird that she’d actually gotten work done on a Saturday. It wasn’t like her to not waste at least half the day doing nothing but watch whatever was on TV with Octavia and maybe even Raven before deciding she needed to do _something_. She figured it would be a good distraction from thinking about Lexa. …And it was. But now it was late and Clarke was tired and alone and the only thing on her mind was Lexa. She couldn’t help but wonder how the brunette had spent her Saturday because she finally had the weekend off.

 

Clarke was almost asleep when her door cracked open, letting in a ray of light. “Clarke?” Came Octavia’s voice.

 

“I’m asleep, whatever this is can wait until tomorrow.” She told her, her voice muffled by the pillow. “And if this is about Lexa again, there’s nothing to talk about.”

 

“Fine.” Octavia groaned, closing the door.

 

.

 

“That was so awkward you have no idea.” Murphy told Octavia from behind Bellamy as he poured milk into a cup.

 

Bellamy turned his head slowly and precisely, giving Murphy a look, which made him shut up and look away. “He’s not wrong.” He turned back to his sister. “They didn’t say a word to each other, hell, Clarke didn’t even look at Lexa and she came in right before Clarke did. You could cut the tension in the air with a damn butter knife.”

 

“What about Lexa? Clarke didn’t even look at her but how was she the entire time?” Octavia asked.

 

“I wasn’t staring at them, O.” Bellamy replied. “But if I noticed anything, she seemed a little upset.”

 

“We need to fix this.”

 

“What’s there to fix? They’re both grown-ups, I think they can decide for themselves. I may not know what really happened, but if the tension between them is anything to go by, whatever it was, it was big.”

 

.

 

“Clarke, are you sure you're okay?” Octavia asked, walking up to her friend who was painting.

 

Clarke pulled one earbud out, turning away from her canvas to look at her friend, “Did you say something?”

 

“Are you okay?” She repeated.

 

“Yeah, why do ask?”

 

Octavia didn't say anything just motioned towards the canvas. “You don't look too happy.” She couldn't really put her finger on it but Clarke’s drawings/paintings were different depending on her mood. And there was something about the colors and strokes on the one she was working on right now that yelled at Octavia that Clarke wasn't too happy. “Neither do your paintings.”

 

She looked around at living room, it had been about a week since the kiss, a week since Clarke had last seen Lexa, and two days since her last text from her. Even though she was busy, she spent a reasonable amount of time in front of a canvas with paint and a paintbrush. There were two new canvases leaning against the wall amongst her other ones and a third one on the easel; Clarke had to admit, Octavia was right. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

 

“You know damn well what I'm talking about.” She was more frustrated than angry at her best friend. It was very much like her to not talk about things and paint it out instead. But it hasn't been because of a someone for quite some time. By then Clarke had gone back to her painting. “Clarke!”

 

“What?” She turned back around.

 

“What happened with you and Lexa?” She tried again.

 

“I told you, nothing happened.” Clarke was just about to put her earbud back in and try to ignore her roommate when she spoke.

 

“Really? Because she was at _Grounder’s_ last night and you wouldn't so much as look at her in the eye. And Lexa didn't even say hi.” She reminded her friend. “But she was fine with the rest of us. And Bellamy noticed you two at _The Ark_.”

 

“Oh my god.” She groaned, rolling her eyes. “Let it go. It was nothing.”

 

.

 

“What happened between you and Clarke?” Lincoln asked Lexa taking a seat in their usual booth at _Grounder’s_. It was just the two of them, mostly because Lincoln wanted to talk to her – he was a little concerned because Lexa seemed almost happy with Clarke around and whatever caused them to not even talk to each other anymore was having an affect on her.

 

It had been over a week since they kissed. Two days since Lexa stopped trying to call Clarke. She wasn’t returning any of her texts or calls or voice messages. Clarke’s friends still probably had no idea what had happened. Lexa figured, if they did, they wouldn’t be as silent as they are. Lincoln on the other hand has been really persistent. Octavia and Raven had asked her about it a couple of times, even Bellamy had asked her one morning if everything was alright. She couldn’t really stop thinking about the blonde but it was very clear that Clarke didn’t want to talk to Lexa. If anything, it hurt, maybe more because the small voice in her head had told her over and over again to be careful with her emotions and not develop any for the blonde. Lexa didn’t really know what to expect after kissing her but _this_ was certainly not it. “Nothing.” She gave Lincoln the same answer yet again.

 

“I don’t believe you. And I can see that you’re upset. You’re never upset over someone so something must’ve happened.” He pushed on.

 

Lexa let out a deep sigh, “If you tell anyone, Lincoln, I swear to god my precinct’s going to be investigating your murder tomorrow morning.” She waited a moment, for him to nod before continuing. “We kissed.” She whispered, her voice almost drowned out by the background noises. “ _I_ kissed her.”

 

“YOU WHAT?” Lincoln exclaimed, trying to keep his voice down, but failing.

 

“We were walking out of the theater and she was holding my hand.” Lincoln seemed to be more shocked by the fact that they were holding hands than by the fact that they kissed. “And I was standing against my car, Clarke was a bit too close and she goes “I wish I could kiss you right now.” So I asked her what was stopping her…she didn’t give me a straight answer so…I went for it.”

 

“Oh god.” Lincoln ran his hand down his face, realization hitting him

 

“Then she ran off. I tried calling, texting, voice messages…she hasn’t replied.”

 

He let a beat of silence pass before speaking. “You care about her, don’t you?”

 

“It was just a kiss, it didn’t mean anything.” Lexa wasn’t sure whether she was trying to convince Lincoln or herself at this point. “When does it ever with me?”

 

“Whatever you say.” He knew her better than that. If it didn’t mean anything, Lexa wouldn’t have tried to reach her for a whole week. Hell, she wouldn’t even think about it the next morning. “But I will tell you this, try telling her how you really feel. You never know, she might feel the same way.” With that he stood up, leaving enough cash on the table to cover his drink and a tip.

 

**Lincoln**

**8:58pm**

THEY KISSED.

 

Octavia’s phone buzzed next to her as she sat next to Raven watching _We Bare Bears_ on _Cartoon Network_. Clarke was sitting on the floor, her back against the couch. Picking up her phone, Octavia unlocked it without so much as looking away from the TV screen.

 

“They’re so adorable.” She heard Raven say about the bears. That was probably the sole reason behind them watching the show.

 

“Yeah.” Clarke agreed.

 

Octavia’s eyes widened as she read the text. Nudging at her friend next to her, she held up the phone for her to read to text. Raven’s eyes widened, mirroring Octavia’s as she mouthed an ‘ _oh my god_ ’.

 

“Hey Clarke?” Octavia called her, almost too casually as she tried her best to not sound as excited as she was.

 

“Wha-at?” She replied in a sing-song tone eyes still on the tv screen, knowing very well her friend wanted to ask her something.

 

“Why didn't you tell us you and Lexa kissed?” She asked casually, Raven sitting silent next to her.

 

Clarke turned her head around the moment the question left her friend’s mouth, “What?” When the two of them didn't respond, only looking at her expecting her to elaborate, she continued, “What are you talking about?”

 

“You two kissed. Why didn't you tell us?” Raven asked.

 

Clarke seemed taken back. She was very sure she hadn't said a word about it to anyone and it was unlikely for Lexa to have said anything either. “How did you know?”

 

“We have our ways.” Octavia brushed it off. “So what happened? And why did that cause you two to suddenly act so weird around each other? ...Shouldn't it have done the opposite?”

 

Clarke turned back to the tv, not wanting to talk about it and hoping that her friends will let it go if she ignores them long enough.

 

“Not working this time, Griffin.” She heard Raven say as the screen went black.

 

“I was watching that!” She complained.

 

“Spill.” Octavia tried to get her to talk. The two of them were curious as to what had led to Clarke and Lexa kissing and wanted to know every detail but more than that, they were concerned about their friends. “How did that even happen?”

 

A few moments passed before Clarke finally turned around to face her friends with a sigh, finally giving in. “We were walking into the parking lot and…we were holding hands.”

 

“You were _what_?!” her friends exclaimed in unison.

 

Clarke chose not to listen to them, “And we made it up to her car when I don't know what came over me and I blurted out that I wanted to kiss her.”

 

“Oh my god.” Octavia muttered under her breath.

 

“And then she kissed me.” She finished. But Raven and Octavia kept staring at her, hoping for more, “That's it.”

 

“But then why aren't the two of you talking?” Raven reminded her of the point of this conversation.

 

“I ran out on her.” She muttered very quickly under her breath.

 

“Why would you do that?” Octavia raised her voice in surprise. “Why would you run out when someone like _Lexa_ kisses you?”

 

“Just let it go, okay?” There was a hint of desperation in her voice when she finally spoke again. “And turn the tv back on.” She said to Raven as she turned back around.

 

.

 

“I think we should just give them some space.” Octavia said to Raven after Clarke’s bedroom door closed.

 

“What?” Raven dragged out the word, not really believing that _the_ _Octavia Blake_ actually wanted to back away from her best friend’s personal life.

 

“Clarke really likes her, there's not doubt about that.” She continued. “But I think that's why we should take a step back, let them work this out. And if by the end of the month they don't, we'll think of something.”

 

.

 

Lexa looked at phone’s screen once again, reading over the text she'd just typed out. There was no way she planned on sending it, but writing it out felt nice. As she downed her second shot of vodka, Lincoln’s words echoed in her ears. And without thinking over it another moment, Lexa’s thumb pressed the send button before she could stop herself, regretting the decision immediately.

 

Clarke lay in her bed, unable to fall asleep. It was Friday – well already Saturday considering it was a little past 1am – so it didn't really matter as she could sleep in. The last thing on her mind right now was sleep. She couldn't stop thinking about Lexa, maybe a little more tonight after finally having told someone about their kiss. She turned on her side, trying to push the thoughts out of her head when her phone lit up with a text. Without thinking whom it might be from, Clarke grabbed it and unlocked the screen. Reading the name, she was taken aback when she saw it was from Lexa, she was almost certain that after a week of not replying, Lexa would get annoyed and stop.

 

**Lexa**

**1:07am**

Please stop ignoring me. I’ve sent you countless text, left you more than a handful of voicemails and called you more times than I’m willing to admit. So please don’t ignore this one. I’m sorry about what I did, I shouldn’t have kissed you, I should’ve realized you didn’t want me to. …But I miss spending time with you. I miss seeing you almost every morning at The Ark. I miss our late nights watching episodes. I miss being able to call you at night when I couldn’t fall asleep. I miss us falling asleep together. I miss you, Clarke. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...Octavia. She is overreacting for like most of the chapter, that's what I was going for with her...so yeah, that was intentional. I just feel like she's one of those people who just care too much and probably make a big deal out of most things and its adorable.  
> Right, thoughts? Liked it? Hated it? Let me know.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They talk. Clarke explains herself and we get to learn a bit more about them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm making up for the lack of clexa in the last chapter. And yeah, its mostly just clexa. I wouldn't really say fluff but its not really angst either (idk maybe kinda?). Also thanks for all the comments, I love getting all that feedback and it really helps when writing.

Clarke looked at the time on her screen, it had been ten minutes since she’d received Lexa’s text but was unable to respond. That text was the last thing she had accepted. Clarke had thought by now, Lexa would probably be angry at her considering everything that happened – if she was in her place, Clarke knew she would be. She couldn’t stop reading over the words over and over again _I miss you, Clarke_. After typing out three different replies, Clarke decided to just call her.

 

She waited, listening to the phone ring…“ _Hello?_ ” Clarke heard from the other end after the second ring, and removed the phone from her ear pressing the end call button immediately. Clarke groaned out loud, pressing her face against the pillow. _I hate you so much._

About a minute passed when her phone rang, she turned her head, looking at it in her hand. It wasn’t a surprise when she saw that the call was from Lexa. Instead of answering, Clarke just stared at the screen until the ringing stopped.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**1:22am**

Pls don’t apologize. That’s on me. I shouldn’t have run out like that and then not call u or answer u’re calls or texts. It was really immature and stupid. And I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you but saying that won’t change anything. Like this is completely on me, you had nothing to do with me being an asshole, so please don’t think this was u’re fault. If u’re mad at me, I totally get it.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**1:22am**

And Lexa? I miss u too.

 

 _I did not just send that._ Clarke thought as let her face onto her pillow once again.

 

Lexa did a little double when the text appeared on her phone. She was not even expecting a reply, let alone one like that.

 

**Lexa**

**1:24am**

So can I expect to hear from you? Or maybe see you tomorrow at The Ark?

 

Clarke couldn’t get herself to reply. Hell she couldn’t even get herself to read the text. She remained face down as her phone buzzed every couple of minutes notifying her off the text. Clarke couldn’t be bothered to put the phone on silent either. Sending that text was embarrassing enough.

 

About 15 minutes later, the door swung open and Octavia walked inside, “Answer your phone goddammit, people are trying to sleep!”

 

“But I _can’t_.” She whined, her voice muffled by the pillow.

 

“Then let me.” Octavia reached for the phone on Clarke’s nightstand.

 

“No!”

 

“Jeez, fine. At least put it on silent.” She left the room, unsure of what was going on with her best friend but it was too late and Octavia was too sleepy to question Clarke.

 

.

 

Lexa was standing by the counter, waiting for Bellamy to get her coffee. She was starting to think that Clarke wasn’t going to show up. It was Saturday anyways, and unless she wanted to see her, Clarke wouldn’t be here today. Her texts last night gave Lexa hope that maybe they could go back to…what? Being _friends_? That didn’t really sound right, but it was better than not having her around at all. But maybe Clarke changed her mind, it wouldn’t really surprise her after what happened when they kissed. Yes, Lexa was more than just a little pissed off at Clarke for ignoring her for an entire week but at the same time she wanted her around. Lexa lingered for a moment longer after Bellamy handed her her coffee cup, hoping that the blonde would show up.

 

She sighed, about to leave when she heard Clarke behind her. “Morning.”

 

Lexa turned around to face her, a bit too quickly and eagerly perhaps. “Morning.” A small smile broke out on her face out of relief.

 

“How are you?” Clarke asked.

 

“I’m okay…” Lexa nodded. “What about you?”

 

She shrugged. “Alright.”

 

Bellamy walked up to the two of them with Clarke’s coffee in hand, stopping in his tracks when he noticed the two of them talking. They hadn’t at _all_ the past week and he didn’t expect today to be any different. He approached them slowly and carefully, “Hey…” Bellamy greeted Clarke, handing her the cup.

 

“Thanks Bell.” She gave him a smile, turning back to Lexa, trying to hold a conversation without it getting awkward. “How’s work?”

 

“You know, busy.” Lexa paused; this was getting awkward. “How’s school?”

 

“It’s been busy, but just one more week till the term ends so that’s something.”

 

She nodded, trying to think of something to say. Lexa could feel the awkwardness beginning to fill the air. Opening her mouth to say something, her phone rang. “Sorry,” She muttered, pulling it out of her pocket. Clarke waved it off with a smile as Lexa answered, “Detective Woods.”

 

She hung up a couple of seconds later, turning to Clarke, “I’m so sorry, there’s been a murder and I have to go.” Lexa apologized, looking genuinely disappointed.

 

“Yeah, yeah, it’s fine.” Clarke replied, walking out of _The Ark_ with Lexa.

 

“Can I see you later?” Lexa asked, unlocking her car. “…to catch up?”

 

“Yeah, let’s do that.” She nodded. “Call me after you get out of work?”

 

Lexa smiled. “My place or yours?”

 

“Octavia’s not going to be home tonight and I mean it this time.” She almost laughed at the memory of what had happened the last time Lexa stayed over.

 

“I’ll see you tonight, then.”

 

.

 

“Were they talking to each other?” Murphy asked Bellamy as he stood behind the counter watching his friend walk out of the coffee shop with Lexa.

 

“So I wasn’t the only one that saw that?” Bellamy remained in his spot, unsure what had just happened because the last few days, Clarke didn’t even notice Lexa was there let alone talk to her. “Go back to work, Murphy.” He turned his head, telling off his barista before pulling out his phone and walking away to one of the rooms at the back.

 

“You don’t usually call me on Saturday mornings.” His sister complained as she answered from the other end, from her voice it was clear that she wasn’t completely awake.

 

“Clarke and Lexa were just in.” Bellamy paused. “And they were _talking_ to each other.”

 

“They were _WHAT?_ ” Octavia exclaimed, no hint of exhaustion in her voice anymore.

 

“What the f- … _fudge_ happened over night?”

 

“You can swear when talking to me, you know that right? And how should I know what happened? I thought Clarke forgot Lexa even existed.”

 

“You two _live_ together, come on, something must’ve happened.”

 

.

 

Octavia had asked her about what had happened at _The Ark_ but Clarke wasn’t sure what to tell her friend other than “I think I was being a little immature so…” It didn’t entirely convince her, but it did manage to shut her up about it. It was a little past 11 and Clarke was sitting in front of the TV, a couple of minutes into a rerun of the new _Quantico_ having received a text from Lexa saying she’d just gotten out of work about ten minutes ago; meaning she wouldn’t be here for about another five minutes. Clarke needed something to distract herself from thinking about Lexa. Not having seen her the past week meant it would probably get at least a little awkward between them. Clarke didn’t really want to talk about the kiss but knew it would come up. She wasn’t ready to admit it to herself – let alone anyone else – that that _kiss_ was more than just a kiss, it made her feel something and that’s what was scary. She didn’t want anyone to make her feel anything, they were good as just friends and Clarke wasn’t too keen on being with someone. Well, she wasn’t too keen on the power that gave the other person over her. The doorbell rang, bringing her out of her thoughts.

 

“Hey,” Clarke greeted as she opened the door to Lexa.

 

“Hey,” Lexa greeted back, stepping inside. “Brought pizza.”

 

They were both sitting on either ends of the couch, putting as much distance between them as possible and doing their best to avoid any awkward contact. Their pizza box lay on the coffee table, now half eaten and the episode of _Quantico_ having just finished. They hadn’t talked much since Lexa got here; just the usual, asking how the other had been the past week, doing their best to tiptoe around the kiss. So far, they were doing a pretty good job of not bringing it up.

 

“I like the new painting.” Lexa commented as the credits finished rolling.

 

“Thanks.” Clarke smiled. “It’s been a busy week but somehow I found a little time to myself. And I don’t know, I was feeling… _inspired_.”

 

“So…” Lexa started. “Are we going to…talk about it?”

 

Clarke made a face, “Do we have to?”

 

She sighed. “Not now, if you don’t want to. But eventually…”

 

“What is there to talk about though?”

 

Lexa tilted her head slightly with a small laugh, “Really?”

 

Clarke groaned, “Might as do it now. What do you wanna talk about?”

 

“Why did you run off like that?” She asked without having to think about it.

 

She turned in her seat to face Lexa, biting her lower lip. “I want to say _it’s a long story_ or _it’s complicated_ but I have a feeling that’s not good enough. Especially after what I did all of last week.”

 

Lexa shook her head slowly, “No, it’s not.”

 

“I’m not ready for a relationship.” Clarke told her, lowering her head and looking away from the brunette. “My last one ended…badly to say the least. Well it was mostly just bad and I’m just not ready to be with anyone.” She looked back at Lexa waiting for her to respond.

 

She nodded slowly, not saying anything for a few moments. “You could’ve just said that.”

 

“But I really like you.” Clarke continued, forcing the words out quickly before she can change her mind. “And that scares me.”

 

“Why?”

 

She didn’t say anything. Honestly, Clarke didn’t know what to say. Whatever she wanted to say sounded stupid inside her head.

 

“Don’t do that again. Please.” Lexa tried. “Say something.”

 

“I don’t know what to say.” She shrugged. “Like I said, after my last relationship, I’m not up for another one yet. And I don’t know when I will be. No one since then has made me feel anything, Lexa. But after we kissed…who am I kidding? Even before, you were making me feel something and I thought I could stop it and I think was doing a pretty decent job but then we kissed and the fucking dam broke.” Clarke let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “And I was scared. I was scared that it would end up last time.”

 

“What happened last time?” She asked gently.

 

 _It’s self-explanatory really_ , Clarke thought. “Finn Collins.”

 

Lexa’s eyes widened, her jaw dropping wider than Clarke thought was possible. “No…” She breathed out.

 

“Yeah, I thought you’d know him.”

 

Lexa knew all too well who Finn Collins was. About a month before she and Anya had gotten their detective’s badge, they were on the task force for a case, Finn’s case. To call him a killer would be the very least. Killing his victims in three’s, he would leave them in public places like a lot of serial killers; but rather than just killing his victims, he’d torture them for as long as their body could keep up. Sixth time around, they were able to stop him, saving a victim in the process. Lexa had read Finn’s file, he wasn’t the… _nicest_ person to be around – go figure. It had mentioned that during the almost 3 month long murder spree and about 5 months prior, he had a girlfriend; but her name was not in any of the paperwork. “I was on the task force.” Lexa muttered after a moment of silence, trying to take in the information.

 

“So you know him really well.”

 

“Yeah.” She nodded. “Oh god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.”

 

Clarke shook her head. “Crazy thing is, I did love him…for a very long time.” She let out a shaky breath. “But that just gave him the power to do what he did. To hurt me the way he did. He isolated me from my friends, told me I was nothing without him – and soon enough I believed him, letting him do whatever he wanted.” She still wasn’t ready to talk about it. Clarke had worked through it, putting it behind her and that’s exactly where she needed it to be, _behind her_. Talking about it, even now, was more than just difficult. “He had that power over me _because_ I loved him, _because_ I cared about him. And I feel like if I feel anything for someone again, open myself up to someone again, they’re going to rip me apart… _again_.”

 

They let a few moments pass, letting the heaviness in the air subside a little. It was a lot for Lexa to take in, not that it made her see Clarke any differently, no, she’d read the files, she knew what Finn was capable of, now Lexa understood why Clarke didn’t want to be with anyone.

 

“Your turn.” Clarke finally spoke, her tone back to normal. “So tell me, why doesn’t Lexa Woods do relationships?”

 

“I guess that’s fair.” Lexa smiled, nodding. “Do you really wanna know?”

 

She nodded, “Yeah.”

 

“I just feel like everyone deserves better than me, deserves more than what I have to offer.” She said with a shrug, not really knowing what else to say.

 

“Why would you even say that?”

 

Lexa let her head fall against the back of the couch, looking up at the ceiling. “Have you met me?” She asked rhetorically.

 

“As a matter of fact, yes, I have.”

 

“I feel like I’m messed up and no one should have to put up with that.”

 

“Lexa…”

 

“I’m more than a little fucked up, Clarke.” She looked back at her. When Clarke didn’t say anything, she continued. “Let’s just say my parents weren’t the greatest.” Lexa stopped herself. “Scratch that, they were awful and they did a really good job at setting it in my brain that I’m not good enough for anyone.”

 

Clarke sighed, contemplating whether to move closer. “You can’t believe that.”

 

“You hear something enough times, you begin to believe it." Lexa told her. “And I don’t really want people to see that side of me, so I prefer one-night stands to relationships. I can be enough. But with relationships, I know I can’t. I can’t be there for someone the way they need me to be. Costia was an exception and look how that turned out.”

 

“Tell me more about your parents.”

 

“They were as shitty as it gets with parents,” She shrugged. “I hated them with every fiber of my being growing up and I still do.” She stated. “My dad was worse than my mom, he was drunk and angry more than half the time and…it just wasn’t nice. My mom wasn’t much better either, but she stuck to being just verbal, disapproving of literally _everything_ I did or liked; from the fact that I’m gay down to the color of my trainers.” Lexa told her, not a hint of emotion in her voice. She hadn’t talked about her parents to anyone really; although this was quiet vague; it was more than she’d ever told anyone else. Anya and Lincoln were the only ones that knew, _obviously_. And it felt strange saying it out loud. “What about you? You and your mom don’t seem to get along too well.”

 

“Yeah,” Clarke laughed. “Nothing I do really matters because I happen to like girls as well as guys. It’s mostly the girls that bother her rather the _both_ thing.” Lexa nodded. “One of the reasons I want to be a doctor is because of her. But it’s still not enough to “ _excuse_ ” the fact that I’m bi.” She shrugged. “I don’t know, it’d be nice if she saw me as more than just my sexuality. I really don’t get why it matters as much as it does…And yeah, that’s why we don’t get along too well.” By the way she said it, it seemed to Lexa like it didn’t bother Clarke as much as it pissed her off now. “But my dad was great. We were really close and he was always there for me. Me and my mom got along better with him around, I don’t know…he could keep us under control because the two of us could have a falling out over anything – it was actually kinda funny.”

 

“Can I ask you something?” Lexa asked after a beat of silence.

 

“I think we’ve asked each other a lot of things tonight, so yeah, go ahead.” Clarke replied with a smile.

 

“What do we do now? I mean do we go back to being just friends, forget that I ever kissed you? If that’s what you want. ”

 

“I want to say yes but I _really_ like you and that kiss…” She trailed off with a frustrated sigh. “You’re a really good kisser.”

 

“So give me a shot.” Lexa tried. “This goes against everything I’ve said about why I don’t do relationships but…I really like you too and call me crazy but I think we could work.”

 

Clarke remained silent, thinking about her answer. It would be awkward going back to just friends, hell, after this, it would be pretty fucking impossible to go back to being just friends.

 

“I can’t promise we will work but I can promise one thing,” Lexa spoke when Clarke continued to not say anything. “I promise I will never hurt you…so what do you think?”

 

She didn’t say anything, only moved closer to Lexa, before bringing her hand to her face and pulling her in for a kiss. Lexa’s eyes fluttered shut, she wasn’t even sure what had just happened before kissing back. Clarke pulled away, causing Lexa to open her eyes. They’re faces were still once inches apart when she spoke, “Clarke if you run off again, I swear to go-”

 

Clarke silenced with another kiss, speaking between breaths, “Does this answer your question.”

 

Lexa couldn’t say anything, not with Clarke’s lips on hers again, so she only kissed back, humming into it in acknowledgement. Clarke moved her body closer to Lexa’s, straddling her hips, making her gasp. Lexa’s hands moved to rest on her waist, her brain finally catching on. Clarke was more handsy than she’d have thought, tangling her fingers in her hair as the other found their way on her boob. Clarke’s mouth moved up, nipping at her ear before making its way to Lexa’s neck. She tilted her head back to give the blonde more access, holding back a moan. Sucking on her collarbone, Lexa felt Clarke’s hand making it’s way further south, slipping into her pants. She put her hand on hers, suddenly stopping her, “Bedroom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse that last paragraph, it's not my strong suit but I gave it a go. Thoughts on the ending?


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kinda picks up from where the last one ended. And a lot of Clexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun writing this one. There's a lot of Clexa and its mostly fluff (which isn't the easiest thing for me to write but it is fun).

Lexa’s not sure when she fell asleep but she was next to Clarke, her arm wrapped tightly around her and it was all that mattered. A few hours later, she could feel an empty space next to her, reaching out, her hand was met by the cold empty sheets. Cracking an eye open, Lexa realized it was already morning, but it must’ve been either really early or the sky was very cloudy. The small amount of light making its way in to the room through the curtains illuminated the figure sitting in front of her. Clarke was sitting by the edge of the bed, her back facing Lexa and not a stitch on her body, her blonde hair a beautiful mess. Lexa let out a soft sigh; she would never get tired of that sight.

 

“Hey,” She almost whispered, propping herself up on her elbows; something seemed to be bothering Clarke and Lexa hoped she wasn’t having second thoughts.

 

Clarke brought her head up, noticing for the first time Lexa was awake. Turning her head slightly, she responded, “Hey.”

 

“Are you okay?” Lexa hesitated.

 

She chewed on her bottom lip, replying after a moment. “I don’t know about this.”

 

Lexa sighed, letting herself fall back against the pillow.

 

“Last night was great, don’t get me wrong.” Clarke lied back down, pulling the comforter over herself. “I just…I don’t know.” She propped herself on her elbow, turning to look at Lexa.

 

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

 

“That’s the thing, I do want to.”

 

“Then why not? Because I’m getting a lot of mixed signals here.” She tried, bringing her hand to tuck in a loose strand of hair behind Clarke’s ear. “I know why you’re worried…but not everyone is going to turn out like that.” Lexa cupped her cheek, gently stroking it with her thumb.

 

Clarke leaned into her hand, “I know.”

 

“And I can promise you I will never do anything to hurt.” Lexa brought her hand away. “If I do anything even remotely close to that, I think I deserve to have my gun used on me.”

 

Clarke finally smiled, “That should be at least a little reassuring but I don’t know how to use a gun.”

 

“Really?” Lexa asked in surprise. “I should take you down to the range some time, show you how.” She smiled back. “If you want.”

 

“Yeah, that sounds kinda cool.” She leaned forward, kissing Lexa. Lexa leaned into the kiss, smiling against Clarke, she couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit of hope that maybe, _just maybe_ , this could work… The two of them lay in bed for a couple more hours, Clarke eventually drifted back to sleep but Lexa couldn’t. She lay there still, her arm around Clarke holding her close. She wanted to make the most of this moment, soaking it in as much as possible because for a moment, everything was alright; and Lexa didn’t have anything on her mind other than Clarke.

 

 

Clarke woke up when she felt Lexa getting out of bed, finally managing to open her eyes, she spoke, “Morning.”

 

Lexa looked at her with a smile – she’d only bothered to pull on Clarke’s t-shirt from last night – and replied as she opened the bathroom door, “Morning,”

 

“You didn’t sleep again, did you?” Clarke asked knowingly.

 

She shrugged, “You were a bit too distracting.”

 

She laughed with a nod, not wanting to move from her bed. A part of her wanted to go back to sleep after the night they’d had, her body still sore; but another part of her wanted to get Lexa back into bed and have a repeat of last night.

 

Lexa stepped into the bathroom, forcing Clarke to have to look away from her legs which seemed to go one for days. She heard the shower turn on for before Lexa poked her head out through the door, “Join me?”

 

.

 

“When is Octavia getting back?” Lexa asked, sitting down on the bed, buttoning her shirt.

 

Clarke picked up her phone from the nightstand, glancing at the screen before putting it back down. “Shit,” She muttered under her breath. “Ten to fifteen minutes. At most” She let the towel she was drying her hair with fall on the floor. Clarke began to walk over to her closet to get a t-shirt, wearing nothing more than her jeans and bra.

 

“Wait, wait, wait.” Lexa caught her by the wrist, pulling Clarke to sit her down on her lap.

 

Clarke gave in, her legs on either side of the brunette and Lexa’s hands resting on her waist, “Hmm?”

 

“What do we tell them?”

 

“Well,” She said as she started buttoning up Lexa’s shirt, her finger tips brushing against the perfectly defined abs Clarke remembers all too well from the past night. “They seemed to have had their fun trying to get us together…”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“I mean we don’t have to tell them.” Clarke told her. “We can go on like this but I don’t see why we have to go up to them and say “Hey guys, we’re kinda together now, we should’ve probably listened to you sooner.””

 

Lexa laughed. “So you just want to see how long it takes them to figure it out?”

 

“Yes.” Clarke closed the last button and looked up. “It probably won’t take them too long but yeah, it should be fun.” She gave her a quick kiss, leaving Lexa wanting more. “You’re gonna be late for work.” Clarke teased as she began to get up.

 

“Are you always like this?”

 

“Like what?” She asked, faking innocence.

 

Walking out of the room, Lexa walked straight towards the front door with Clarke behind her. Yes, she was being a tease but Clarke was right, Lexa would be late for work today, she might not have the time to stop for coffee at _The Ark_. She stifled a yawn as she opened the door; Clarke definitely wore her out.

 

“Tired?”

 

“Can you blame me?” She asked rhetorically, “You on the other hand…”

 

Clarke let out a giggle before she could stop herself. “I’m probably going to fall asleep halfway through the day so…”

 

“I’ll see you later then…?” It wasn’t intended to come out as a question, but Lexa wasn’t really sure.

 

“Yeah,” She muttered, leaning in for a kiss.

 

Lexa could feel her bottom lip between Clarke’s teeth, tugging gently when her phone went off, “Sorry.” She pulled away, digging it out of her pocket. “Detective Woods,” She sighed. After a moment, Lexa covered the mouthpiece, turning to speak to Clarke, “They found something, I have to go. I’ll see you later.”

 

“Call me when you get out.” Clarke told her and she smiled back, going back to her call and walking away.

 

Hanging up, she noticed a figure walking her way. After a moment, Lexa realized it was Octavia. _Fuck, this is going to raise questions_. And she really didn’t have the time for that right now so Lexa held her phone against her ear, hoping Octavia would think she was still talking to her partner and just keep walking. She gave Octavia a small wave as she walked past and to Lexa’s relief, she didn’t say anything other than a small “Hey,”

 

.

 

“WHAT THE HELL CLARKE?” Octavia asked, bursting in through the door, making Clarke jump.

 

“Jeez O,” She rolled her eyes “What?”

 

“THAT WAS LEXA.”

 

“Stop yelling, and yes it was…”

 

“Why…?” Octavia asked after a beat of silence, she still wasn’t sure what was going on with the two of them. “Are things…okay with you two?”

 

Clarke only shrugged, turning to the coffee machine, pressing the on button.

 

Her roommate was suspicious. Just over 24 hours ago, Clarke wouldn’t even talk about Lexa and yesterday morning Bellamy told her the two of them were talking again. And today she was walking out of their apartment? Something was up but Octavia didn’t really know how to bring it up without having Clarke shut her down. It took her a second but Octavia finally found something to question her friend on. “You’re hair’s wet.” She commented.

 

Clarke turned to face her, unsure of what her friend was implying. “Yes that’s what happens when you take a shower…”

 

“You don’t shower in the morning.” She replied, shaking her head. “Unless…”

 

_Now_ she knew what her best friend was implying. Clarke turned around in an attempt to not let Octavia see the look on her face.

 

“Unless you sleep with someone.” She let a beat of silence pass, waiting for Clarke to reply. “CLARKE.”

 

“No.” She stated, composing herself and looking back at her friend.

 

“Yes,” She nodded vigorously. “You say it’s round 2, some times 3. Which was it this time?” Octavia smirked.

 

“Neither.” _It was round 4_ , Clarke thought, so technically, she wasn’t lying.

 

“You slept with her!” Octavia exclaimed, disregarding what her best friend was saying.

 

“We didn’t…” She tried.

 

.

 

“Someone’s happy today.” Was the first thing Lexa heard once she’d gotten to the precinct. Her partner had probably noticed her a little… _off_ the past week although Lexa thought she’d done a good job at pretending to not be effected by it. She’d only smiled it off, not wanting to elaborate. But as the day went on, Lexa found herself lost in her thoughts; about Clarke, last night…Clarke. It was a slow day, mostly going through missing persons’ reports trying to find who their victim was because his fingerprints weren’t in the system. That made it even easier to get lost in her thoughts.

 

“You seem tired.” Caris commented as Lexa covered her mouth with the back of her hand, losing count of how many times she’d yawned in the past hour. “Long night?” She asked, her tone suggestive.

 

Lexa narrowed her eyes slightly, tilting her head in confusion. “Uhh…”

 

She immediately set down the file which was in her hands, “Was it Clarke?”

 

“What?!” Lexa asked, almost defensively. It wasn’t really a surprise to Lexa that the first person that came to her mind was Clarke. Caris was a damn good cop and if you’re someone’s partner for about 2 months, Lexa figured, you’d know who they hung around with. “I highly suggest you go back to your work Officer Harvey,” Lexa told her, her tone straight and formal.

 

“Okay…” Caris picked up the file, holding it up to hide the smirk. _She pretty much just told me it was Clarke._

 

Lexa looked away from her partner and buried her face in a new file, trying to hide the redness that was creeping up her neck and to her cheeks.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**3:53pm**

Octavia’s on to us.

 

Lexa and Caris were in interrogation when Clarke’s text came through so she couldn’t open it for another few minutes. Knowing it was Clarke because no one else really texted her when she was at work, it was the first thing Lexa read after walking out.

 

**Lexa**

**4:06pm**

That was quick. What made her question it?

 

Clarke was on her laptop, “working” when her phone finally buzzed. Lexa’s question made her think for a little while before replying.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**4:07pm**

I’ll tell u later. How’s work?

 

**Lexa**

**4:07pm**

Can’t seem to catch a break.

 

Just as she pressed send, the phone on her desk rang. Hoping it was something related to the case, she picked it up.

 

.

 

“You should invite Lexa this year.” Raven said from the kitchen to Clarke and Octavia who were in the living room, trying to figure out what to watch.

 

“Invite her for what?” Clarke looked up at her friend.

 

“Christmas dinner.” Octavia replied from next to her.

 

It didn’t surprise Clarke that Octavia knew what Raven was talking about when she didn’t. “Umm…” Clarke wasn’t really sure where this was even coming from. They hadn’t talked about it and she assumed it would be the same as every other year; Octavia, Bellamy, Raven and herself. Only difference this year being Lincoln.

 

“Yeah, Lincoln’s coming and I don’t think Lexa has any plans.”

 

Clarke thought for a moment, her friends were right, Lexa probably didn’t have any plans. “Yeah, I’ll ask her.”

 

Her friends grinned. “So things _are_ okay between you two now?” Raven asked.

 

“Yes.” She sighed.

 

.

 

Lexa texted Clarke as she made her way to her car in the station’s parking lot.

 

**Lexa**

**9:43pm**

Closed the case, heading out now. Are you home?

 

Clarke replied a minute later.

 

**Clarke Griffin**

**9:44pm**

Yep. U can come over but Raven and O are here.

 

A little under 15 minutes later, there was a knock on the front door and Octavia was the one to practically run up to answer it. She wanted to know what changed between her and Clarke in such a short amount of time. But before she or Raven could ask anything, Clarke shut them down saying there was nothing to talk about. Lexa sat down next to Clarke on the couch with Raven sitting on her spot on the floor and Octavia next to her because she had the popcorn and Clarke didn’t want any. Although the TV was on, they weren’t really watching whatever was on. Raven and Octavia were mostly talking to Lexa about her week because although they’d seen each other, it was quite awkward and they didn’t really talk much.

 

Raven left about an hour later saying how she had to be up early for work and unlike Clarke and Lexa, she actually needed sleep in order to get through the day. Octavia didn’t stay up much longer either, suspicious about Clarke and Lexa even when she walked away to her room. It was pretty clear to her that Lexa was probably going to spend the night but Octavia wasn’t really sure what that meant right now.

 

“So…” Lexa started as Octavia’s door closed behind her and her arm found their way around Clarke’s shoulder. “You said they were already on to us?”

 

Clarke leaned in towards her. “Yeah, you know how Octavia can be.” She didn’t really want to explain _why_ Octavia suspected something. “Oh I wanted to ask you something.”

 

“Hmm?” Lexa turned her head to look at Clarke.

 

“Do you have any plans for Christmas?”

 

“No…” She replied. “Why?”

 

“Come over for dinner. Like an actual Christmas dinner; Octavia and Bellamy go all out. It’s always just the four of us but Lincoln’s coming this year so…”

 

Lexa smiled. She doesn’t really remember the last time she celebrated Christmas; with work and everything, it just didn’t happen. And there wasn’t anyone around other than Anya; they’d probably just get together for a drink or something after getting off work but that was about it. “I’d love to but I have to work.”

 

“When do you get off?” Clarke asked. She’d thought Lexa might have to work that night, so it wasn’t a surprise.

 

“Around 9.”

 

“Come over then, no one’s going to sleep before at least 2am. It’s dinner, followed by a Christmas horror movie and then presents.”

 

“Presents at night instead of in the morning?” Lexa asked.

 

“Yeah,” Clarke laughed to herself at the memory. “Our first Christmas after…leaving home really; I was visiting Bell and O, and Raven decided on the last moment to come over as well. But we were all caught up the entire day; Raven’s car broke down and I was kind of forced to spend the day with my mom and her family. So we didn’t actually get to meet up until like 10.” She explained. “The next two years were kind of the same – something or the other held us up the entire day and after that, we kind of just decided to do that every year. Only now it’s planned out better and with actual food.”

 

Lexa smiled before asking again, “Why a horror movie though? Shouldn’t it be _just_ a Christmas one?”

 

“I’m not really sure how we got to that to be honest,” Clarke said after thinking about it for a minute. There was no real reason why they watched a horror movie – a Christmas themed one, but still – on Christmas. “So, you’re coming?” She asked after a beat of silence.

 

“Sounds like it’s a family thing with the four of you.” Lexa gave her a small smile. “Are you sure they’ll be okay with having someone else over?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, absolutely.” Clarke nodded. “Raven and Octavia brought up asking you to join us before I could bring it up with them. “

 

“Okay,” Lexa nodded, leaning in to kiss Clarke.

 

.

 

“You are coming this year right?” Abby asked, standing in Clarke and Octavia’s kitchen. Clarke had only just gotten home from class to find her mom already at her apartment. She hadn’t been answering any of her calls, only replying with texts saying she was too busy and couldn’t talk. Abby had had enough and decided to just show up at her daughter’s apartment when she got back home.

 

“I can’t.” Clarke replied simply, standing opposite her mom, her back against the kitchen counter.

 

“And why not?”

 

“Really?” She looked over at her roommate who was sitting in the living room, doubtlessly listening in on what her friend and mom were talking about instead of watching TV. “They’re gonna burn the house down without me.”

 

“She’s right.” Octavia called out. “Me and Bellamy shouldn’t be left alone without someone responsible, especially with Raven around.”

 

Abby didn’t pay attention to her. “You didn’t come for our Christmas party the last two years. Everyone wants to see you.”

 

“Do they mom? Do they _really_?” Clarke exaggerated.

 

“Fine.” Her mom sighed. “Just show up for a couple of hours then you can get back to Octavia, Bellamy and Raven.” She paused before muttering under her breath, “Obviously they mean more to you than your family.”

 

“They do.” She forced a smiled at her mom. “But fine, just a couple of hours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what'd you think? Always appreciate the feedback so let me know.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas with the gang so there's a bit of a time jump (two weeks) since the last chapter. There's a bit of Abby. But its mostly xmas fluff ft. clexa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got cuter and more adorable than I'd intended. So yeah it's pretty much just fluff, hope you guys like it.

“So you two are okay now…?” Raven asked hesitantly as Lexa sat down next to Clarke at their usual booth at Grounders.

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Clarke muttered, taking Lexa’s hand and intertwining their fingers under the table.

 

It had been a week since they’d… _gotten together_? Lexa wasn’t sure what to call it but yeah. And since then she’d learnt something new about Clarke, she couldn’t keep her hands off of her. Whether it was to hold her hand or slide it down her pants, Lexa wasn’t really complaining. It was also clear that Raven and Octavia were growing suspicious and it was only a matter of time till they figured it out. Clarke and Lexa really wanted to drag it out, the longer the better – the looks on their faces when they finally figured it out will be priceless. Bellamy and Lincoln weren’t reading too much into it, even before things got weird between Clarke and Lexa, according to them, they were pretty much like this.

 

Lincoln had told Octavia that she was overreacting – but that wasn’t news to anyone really – but he too had to agree that maybe something was different between the two when they were leaving and Lexa helped Clarke into her jacket and they almost linked arms but stopped when they realized they weren’t alone.

 

.

 

Clarke clenched her jaws as she stormed out through the front door, her mom trailing closely behind her. “Clarke wait.”

 

She kept walking. Her car was parked only a few feet away; she needed to get away from here. There was a reason Clarke hadn’t shown up the last two years; literally no one actually wants her there. And them pretending that they do is worse than saying it straight out. She should’ve just said no and spent the night with Bellamy, Octavia and Raven.

 

“Clarke!” Her mom called out again as she unlocked her car.

 

“What?!” Clarke spat out, turning on her heel suddenly. “What mom?”

 

“Come back inside.” Abby tried to calm her down.

 

“Are you kidding me?” Clarke asked. “After… _that_? I don’t think I really want to.”

 

“It wasn’t that bad.” She offered.

 

“Bye mom.” Clarke said as she got into her car and closed the door, starting the engine.

 

.

 

Walking in to her apartment, Clarke could feel the calmness overwhelming her. The living room looked like a Christmas bomb had gone off; the tree by the window on the far end of the apartment wasn’t too big but Bellamy and Octavia had gone all out with the decorations, and the wrapped boxes under it made it look like something out of a postcard. There were Santa Clause and Rudolph everythings all over the place and the entire apartment smelled like cinnamon. Raven was in the living room with the Blakes, refusing to wear a Christmas sweater yet again but settling for a reindeer hoodie complete with antlers. Bellamy and Octavia on the other hand were in the most ridiculous Christmas sweaters Clarke had seen them in till now. Lexa and Lincoln were already here; she was wearing one of her t-shirt’s she’d left here the last time Lexa stayed over and Lincoln was wearing a hoodie similar to Raven’s – courtesy of Octavia, Clarke figured. A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips, momentarily forgetting why she was upset. However, it didn’t last too long and before the others could even say hi, memories of earlier that night rushed back.

 

“Clarke?” Octavia called out when she noticed her best friend storming through the apartment towards her bedroom. She didn’t stop, Clarke didn’t even seem to hear her. “Hey,” Octavia called out again, taking of after her, slightly concerned.

 

The door slammed shut behind Clarke without another word. Everyone silent and looking at the door intently as Octavia knocked on it softly, “Clarke?”

 

“I’ll be out in a minute O,” Came her voiced, muffled through the door.

 

 _No she won’t_. “What happened?” Things never went well with Clarke and her mom, let alone her entire family.

 

_Silence…_

 

“Clarke?” She tried again, slowly cracking the door open.

 

“Leave.” Her best friend said to her.

 

“Okay…” _Yeah something definitely happened,_ Octavia stepped back, closing the door.

 

She looked at Raven for help but instead of coming up to the door, she looked at Lexa. “You’re up commander smolder.”

 

Lexa mouthed a confused ‘ _what?_ ’ but stood up nonetheless. _Where did_ commander _even come from?_ She really wanted to ask Raven but was more concerned about Clarke at this point. Walking up to her door, Lexa knocked softly before slowly opening it and beginning to step inside.

 

“Bad…bad idea, Lexa…” She could hear the others call out to her as she stepped inside and closed the door behind her. First thing she noticed was that the room was relatively dark, only the small lamp on the night stand turned on. Clarke was sitting on the edge of her bed, elbows on her knees and her head resting in her hands. “Hey…” She started carefully, almost waiting for Clarke to tell her off. When she didn’t, Lexa approached her, sitting down on the bed next to her. “What’s wrong?”

 

“I shouldn’t have gone.” Clarke said without looking up.

 

“What happened?” Lexa asked, placing her hand on Clarke’s back in an attempt to comfort her.

 

“No one wants me there.” She said simply, bringing her head up to look at Lexa. “And they keep pretending that they do and it’s so fucking annoying.” Lexa didn’t say anything, only moved her hand up and down her back. “Then someone slips up and says something which has either to do with Finn or my sexuality because _obviously_ , I am nothing more than those two things.”

 

Lexa pulled her closer and Clarke rested her head on the brunette’s shoulder. “I honestly don’t know what I did to be reduced to that.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Lexa muttered, kissing her hair.

 

“And no one even tries to apologize.” She looked up at Lexa. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say they’re playing some sick game of who can make me leave the quickest.”

 

“They’re terrible people.” Lexa concluded. “But probably not that terrible.”

 

“I wouldn’t be surprised.” Clarke told her. “Then there’s my mom with her “ _family’s more important than anything else_ ” bullshit. Like no, mine sucks, they don’t even want me around.”

 

Lexa lets a few seconds pass, trying to think of something to say. “But they do,” She told Clarke. “Your family does want you around,”

 

“Yeah right,” Clarke scoffed.

 

“Let me finish,” Lexa continued and Clarke sat up straight to look at her. “From what I’ve seen the last few months, your family’s on the other side of this door, Raven and Bellamy and Octavia. They’re your family; they love you for everything you are and wouldn’t change a thing, and they want you around no matter what.” She stopped, waiting for Clarke to say something but she only smiled so Lexa continued. “And they’re all waiting for you.” She stood up, holding out her hand for Clarke.

 

“Thanks,” She told Lexa as she pulled herself of the bed.

 

.

 

Octavia and Raven stared almost in disbelief as Lexa walked out of their friend’s room with Clarke only a few minutes later. Bellamy only watched with a small smile on his face and Lincoln was still unsure of what was happening despite Octavia having explained it to him. Neither of them spoke, only walked up to the living room in silence to join their friends.

 

“Are you okay?” Bellamy asked once Clarke and Lexa had sat down. Raven was on the couch with Octavia and Lincoln, and Bellamy on the floor, closer to the Christmas tree, giving him an awkward view of the TV screen. Clarke and Lexa sat down on the floor by the couch, resting their backs against it.

 

“Yeah,” She gave him a small smile. “What are we watching again?” Clarke turned her head to look at Raven and Lexa followed.

 

“ _A Christmas Horror Story_.” She told her friend before looking at Lexa. “Lincoln tells me you’re not one for horror movies, so I went for the least scary one I could find.”

 

She tilted her head slightly in confusion; something Clarke had picked up on about Lexa and found utterly adorable. Lexa could see Clarke smiling at her but she did her best to not let that affect her; that smile was…it was distracting. “I don’t like horror movies; that doesn’t mean I’m afraid of them.”

 

“Sure thing.” Raven nodded, dismissing her.

 

“She doesn’t scare easy.” Lincoln told the others. “There are only a few things that can actually scare Lexa.”

 

She nodded in response.

 

“Commitment and dating being one them, I assume.” Octavia added. “I mean, otherwise you would’ve asked Clarke out by now.” That caused everyone in the room to laugh other than Clarke and Lexa who only glared at Octavia.

 

As the movie started, Lexa’s arm found their way around Clarke, both of them completely unaware of the confused and slightly suspicious looks they were getting from their friends. Lincoln and Bellamy were taken aback by it considering how they had barely seen the two of them with each other the past two weeks and how the week before, they weren’t even talking. Octavia was mostly suspicious; seeing Lexa leave their apartment that morning and then Clarke and Lexa not even being seen around each other more than a handful of times the past two weeks made her feel like they were doing it deliberately. Not because they didn’t want to see each other but because they didn’t want to be seen _with_ each other. And Lexa’s arm now around Clarke? Yeah something was definitely up. Raven seemed to be somewhere between her best friend and the guys. Unsure, she exchanged a confused look with the others who only gave her the same look and Octavia shrugged.

 

**Other Blake**

**10:01pm**

This is weird

 

She sent a text to Raven, not wanting to say anything out loud.

 

Raven nodded as she typed out her reply and hit sent.

 

**Raven**

**10:01pm**

Clarke and Lexa?

 

Octavia looked up at her, giving her an unimpressed look.

 

**Other Blake**

**10:01pm**

No Lincoln’s xmas hoodie

 

**Other Blake**

**10:02pm**

OF COURSE IM TALKING ABOUT CLARKE AND LEXA

 

Clarke and Lexa were oblivious to the texts now being passed not only between Raven and Octavia but also Lincoln and Bellamy. As the movie rolled, Clarke found herself moving closer to Lexa. She also found Lexa doing her best to not react to the movie in front of her; she may have said that she wasn’t afraid of horror movies, but from what Clarke could see…she was anything but. Two thirds into the movie Clarke leaned in towards Lexa’s ear, her lips almost touching Lexa, “Are you okay?” She whispered.

 

Lexa felt herself stiffen at Clarke’s close proximity. “Yeah, yeah,” She breathed out. “Why?”

 

She only shrugged and said, feigning concern. “You don’t seem to be enjoying the movie.”

 

Lexa looked at her, unimpressed, not saying anything.

 

Clarke was just about to place her head on Lexa’s shoulder when she suddenly realized their friends were right there. _This is exactly why we haven’t been hanging out around you guys._ Since they’d gotten together, Clarke had found herself almost incapable of keeping her hands off of Lexa; whether it be just to hold her hand or…something entirely different.

 

.

 

They were halfway through opening presents when Clarke handed Lexa a relatively small. “You didn’t have to…” Lexa told her as she unwrapped the box. They had agreed to no presents because it was their first Christmas together and it felt like too much pressure. Obviously Lexa had stuck to that agreement… _not_.

 

“Well you did,” Clarke responded as Octavia handed her the small box which was addressed to her from Lexa.

 

“Wow.” Lexa smiled as she pulled out the coffee mug from the box. “This is great, thank you.” It was a plain white mug with a silver gun’s handle. Lexa held the mug, her hand wrapping around the handle the way it would around her gun’s grip. “Thank you.” She thanked Clarke again.

 

Smiling, Clarke unwrapped her box to find a flat velvet box. She would’ve probably been worried if it was smaller but instead she just looked at Lexa suspiciously as she slowly and deliberately lifted the lid. It was a small pendant on a chain with a three-headed dragon, the sigil of her favorite _Game of Thrones_ house. “This is so cool, oh my god.”

 

Lexa smiled, clearly pleased with herself. “I’m glad you like it.”

 

“It’s great.” Clarke smiled, and before her brain could tell her body to stop, her lips were already on Lexa’s. It took them both by surprise and Lexa’s body tensed for a moment before relaxing and kissing back. It was a short kiss but Clarke lingered with a small smile, realizing how their friends were probably reacting.

 

“ _What the hell Clarke?!_ ” Octavia exclaimed, as they pulled apart, doing their best to not look at their friends.

 

“Are you two serious right now?” Raven asked.

 

Lexa bit her bottom lip in an attempt to hide her smile. This is precisely why Clarke didn’t want to tell them but to let them figure it out…well they did kind of give it away.

 

“Yeah…” Clarke finally spoke.

 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Octavia asked.

 

“It was more fun this way.” Clarke shrugged.

 

“How long have you two…?” Bellamy trailed off.

 

Clarke and Lexa exchanged a look before the brunette spoke. “About two weeks.”

 

“ _TWO WEEKS?_ ” Everyone exclaimed simultaneously.

 

Clarke laughed and Lexa allowed herself to smile. “Hey, you guys drove us nuts trying to get us together, so we thought we’d let you guys suffer for a little while.” Clarke told her friends.

 

“But we were _right_.” Raven told them.

 

“Yeah, but you still drove us nuts.” She repeated.

 

“You guys did kind of deserve it.” Lexa added. “And it took you longer than we thought.”

 

“Oh no you don’t.” Raven shook her head. “Don’t go around taking your girlfriend’s side already.”

 

Lexa clenched her jaws at the word “ _girlfriend_ ”. It was probably a little childish of her but having Clarke referred to as her girlfriend felt…strange.

 

“Yeah,” Octavia nodded. “You want to be on your good side so that when she’s mad at you, you know there’s someone who’s going to talk her down.” She added and Raven and Bellamy nodded.

 

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Shut up and go back to opening your presents.” She told them as Lexa – _finally_ – put her arm around Clarke, pulling her closer and placed a small kiss on her cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was xmas. What'd you think?


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abby's wedding and guess who Clarke's plus-one is?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idrk where this one came from coz I thought I'd make Clarke not go but then I thought it'd be fun. And Octavia's there to so I guess it is fun. And there's a whole lot of Clexa.

“You’re going?” Octavia asked, clearly confused as to why her roommate wanted to go to her mom’s wedding. After Christmas, she thought Clarke didn’t want to see her family for  _at least_ a little while.

 

“I think I should.” Clarke sighed. “I really don’t want to see anyone; I’m really sick of all the not-so-subtle comments about who I’m dating and about having dated a serial killer…but my mom wants me there.”

 

“I’d want nothing to do with them if I was in your place.”

 

“I know.” She started. “I don’t either. And my mom’s pretty much the same. Only the comments are a bit more subtle.”

 

“I really don’t know how you stand them.”

 

“I don’t either.” Clarke paused. “What about you and Bellamy? Raven said she’s not coming.”

 

“If you’re going, I am too. Not so sure about Bell.” Octavia paused. “I can bring a plus one right?”

 

“Yeah. Lincoln?” Clarke asked, already knowing the answer.

 

Octavia nodded. “What about you?”

 

Clarke looked at her, confused. “What about me what?”

 

“Plus one? Lexa?”

 

Clarke smiled. “I didn’t ask her yet. And my mom was pretty clear about wanting my plus one to be a guy.”

 

“Oh screw that.” Octavia waved it off. “It’ll just make your family uncomfortable and possibly keep them away from wanting to talk to you.”

 

“I know. It’d be awesome.” Clarke’s face fell. “But Lexa heard my mom that morning. I don’t think she’d want to go.”

 

“Come on, it’ll be awesome.” Her friend exclaimed, almost bouncing on her seat on Clarke’s bed. “The look on their faces when you walk in holding her hand or something is going to be priceless.”

 

She smiled at the thought. “Yeah, it would be pretty great, wouldn’t it?”

 

“YES!” She practically yelled. “And please ask Lexa to wear something backless so that her tattoos are visible. It will drive your mom and her family nuts.” Octavia paused, thinking for a moment. “OR,” Her friend exclaimed, pulling her out of her thoughts. “A suit. I think that’s more Lexa’s forte, she’d look great in it. And that would probably piss everyone off instead of just drive them crazy.”

 

Clarke thought about it for a moment, she was right; it _would_ drive them nuts. More importantly, _Lexa would look amazing_.

 

 

.

 

Clarke was lying in Lexa’s bed after celebrating their one-month anniversary. Lexa’s back faced Clarke as her fingers traced the now familiar design of the tattoo on her back. It was pretty late, probably past 2am by now, but neither of them could really fall asleep. Clarke found herself almost smiling, there was something about Lexa by her side that just felt…right, it made her feel at ease. She’d thought Lexa was asleep, her breathing slow and even, when suddenly, she spoke, “I can hear you thinking.”

 

“I thought you were asleep.” Clarke muttered.

 

“Can’t get my brain to quiet down.” Lexa replied simply.

 

“Something bothering you?” Clarke asked.

 

“Just…background noise.” She shook her head, dismissing it. “What’s keeping you up?”

 

“My mom’s wedding’s in like a week.” Clarke replied almost mindlessly.

 

Lexa turned on her side to face Clarke. She knew thing’s weren’t really okay between her and her mom and Clarke hadn’t really told her what happened at the Christmas party that made her so upset. “Are you going?” Despite everything, Lexa had a feeling Clarke would.

 

“I think I might.” She nodded. “I don’t even know why.”

 

Lexa gave her a small smile. “Your mom would want you there.”

 

“ _She_ would want my relatives to know I could actually be bothered to show up rather than actually _want_ me there.” Clarke shrugged, going silent for a few moments. “Do you wanna be my date?” She asked suddenly, before she could stop herself.

 

Her eyes slightly widened in surprise. They had decided to take things slow; the two of them still hadn’t even referred to the other as their ‘ _girlfriend’_ let alone said that they were dating. They were definitely in a relationship but neither of them seemed to want to say it out loud.

 

“You don’t have to.” Clarke backtracked. “I know we’re taking things slow and this might be a bit too much. I mean, its not just meet the parents but meet the entire family.”

 

“No, no, it’s not that.” Lexa shook her head, trying to find something to say but in vain. “God,” She sighed. “Yes, I guess that’s a thing. I mean, we haven’t really talked about… _us_ and what _this_ is.”

 

“I know.” Clarke told her. “It is a lot to ask. Especially considering how my mom doesn’t want my date to be anyone unless it’s a guy.” She continued. “But…as far as _we_ go…” Clarke stopped with a frustrated sigh, not knowing what exactly she wants to say, “I really like you, Lexa and I really like what we have but I’m just…I’m scared to put a label on it-”

 

“You don’t want to jinx it.” Lexa interrupted, waiting for Clarke to nod before she continued. “Yeah…me too.” She tucked a loose strand of blonde hair, her hand brushing against Clarke’s cheek. “I feel like I can be myself around you without having to worry. It’s just…I don’t know,” She shrugged, trailing off.

 

“Yeah,” Clarke said in response, her voice barely audible. There was something in the way Lexa looked at her that made her breath hitch and unable to speak another word. “We’re dating.” Clarke stated after a few moments of silence. “We’re in a relationship and we’re dating.” She said again, forcing the words out.

 

“That wasn’t easy for you to say, was it?” Lexa asked.

 

“No,” Clarke shook her head slowly, “Because last time I said it…”

 

Lexa nodded, knowingly, not wanting Clarke to have to say it. “But yes, we are.” It felt a weird hearing that. Her last relationship was very brief and it ended…violently. Relationships before that didn’t end too well either; she was never enough for them…surprisingly, these aren’t even her words. And after a while, Lexa was done disappointing people. She already knew she wasn’t good enough but having to hear that from someone made it worse somehow. She didn’t want to disappoint Clarke though, the blonde already knew more about her than a lot of her exes did even by the time their relationship had ended. “Are you sure you want me to go with you?”

 

A smile broke out on Clarke’s face. “Yes. It will piss off most of my family and that is great on its own.” She told Lexa. “And I don’t really want to be alone with them.”

 

Lexa looked at her questioningly. “I thought Raven, Bellamy and Octavia are going.”

 

“Raven doesn’t really want to but O might be able to talk her into it and Bellamy’s busy so he’s probably not going to make it. Octavia is but only because I am.” She paused. “And also because she wants to see how everyone reacts to my _date_.”

 

“Come on, they can’t possibly take it that bad.” Lexa tried.

 

“You have no idea.” Clarke forced a smile. “Can I…introduce you as my girlfriend or is that too much…?”

 

“No, no, not too much. I think that’s just right.” Lexa smiled, leaning in to kiss her.

 

“One thing though…” She trailed off. “My entire family is _very_ homophobic…and biphobic. Basically they’re not too happy with anyone who’s not straight.”

 

“I’ve had my fair share of that.” Lexa nodded.

 

“So you don’t have to come if you’re not comfortable with it.”

 

“Will you going with me make them uncomfortable?”

 

“Yes.” Clarke said with a nod. “I’m counting on it.”

 

“Good.” She smiled.

 

.

 

“Blue is definitely your color.” Octavia said to Clarke as she walked out of her bathroom wearing her dress. It was a blue, V-neck dress, really simple but according to Raven and Octavia, it looked better on Clarke than any of her other dresses. “Brings out your eyes.” Clarke’s hair was already taken care off; soft, slightly messy curls, falling almost effortlessly past her shoulders. “Lexa is going to flip out.”

 

“Shut up.” She rolled her eyes with a smile. “You look great.” Her best friend was wearing a dark purple dress. “You think Lincoln can make it though the night?” Clarke said with a smirk.

 

“Oh he will.” Octavia replied, looking at the mirror as she fixed her hair.

 

“He’s picking you up?”

 

“Yeah,” She turned to look at Clarke again. “He just left work so we might be a little behind you and Lexa. She’s picking you up?”

 

She nodded.

 

“Oh, what is Lexa wearing and will it make your family uncomfortable?”

 

Clarke smiled. “She’s more comfortable in a suit and tie so I think it will.” She ran her fingers through her hair, still unsure about how it looked; Octavia had assured her it looked great and that Lexa would love it…also her mom probably wouldn’t.

 

Just then the doorbell rang. “I got it.” Octavia said with a smile and rushed off to get the door before Clarke could; both knowing very well that it was Lexa.

 

“Hey,” Lexa greeted as Octavia opened the door.

 

“Hi,” She said in response as her eyes scanned over Lexa. “Nice.” She commented.

 

“Umm…” Lexa hesitated as she stepped inside. “Thank you… You look great.” She said with a polite smile.

 

“Thanks.” Octavia smiled back. “I’ll get Clarke.”

 

Before she could walk back to her friend’s room, Clarke walked out. If Octavia didn’t know any better, she’d say that Lexa’s jaw momentarily dropped before she did her best to compose herself, taking in a deep breath. She remained frozen on her spot as Clarke walked up to her. “Wow.” Lexa managed to breathe out.

 

“You look amazing.” Clarke told her as she smoothed down the black tie with the back of her fingers. Lexa was all sharp edges; the black jacket and trousers suited perfectly to every curve of her. The jacket was fairly simple, with relatively thin lapels and Lexa wore it unbuttoned which made her come off as slightly casual but the slim, black tie balanced that out. Her hair was parted on the side, soft curls hung loosely at the bottom, perfectly in place.

 

“I have nothing on you.” Lexa told her, smiling to herself when she noticed Clarke smiling.

 

“Geez get a room.” Octavia spoke, rolling her eyes after a second. “You two are going to be late if you don’t stop eye-f-…staring at each other. Well I guess we’re already late considering…”

 

“Right,” Clarke said, taking a step back.

 

“Lincoln’s going to be here any minute, I will see you guys later.”

 

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded as they walked to the door.

 

.

 

“You missed the ceremony.” Abby told her daughter as Clarke approached her where she was standing next to her husband, Marcus Kane.

 

“We were kind of counting on it.” Clarke muttered under her breath, walking up to them, her arm linked with Lexa’s.

 

“Nice to see you, Clarke.” Kane greeted her.

 

She smiled back.

 

Abby’s face fell the moment she noticed Lexa…more importantly noticed how her and Clarke’s arms were linked. She couldn’t really recall where she’d seen the brunette, but she seemed familiar. “Who’s this?” Clarke noticed the unimpressed look on her mom’s face as she scanned her eyes over Lexa, clearly disapproving of her outfit.

 

“Mom, Marcus,” She started with a smile. “This is my girlfriend, Lexa.” Clarke turned to Lexa. “Lexa, I believe you’ve met my mom.” She nodded. “And this is Marcus,”

 

Lexa gave them both a polite smile and only Marcus returned it.

 

“Your… _what_?” Abby asked.

 

The look on her mom’s face was priceless. Lexa did her best to hold back the smile because Clarke was right, her mom definitely didn’t take that well. “Can I talk to you for alone for a moment?” Abby left her husband’s side and walked off a few feet away, Clarke following reluctantly and leaving Lexa alone with Marcus.

 

“Are you serious?” Her mom asked.

 

“What?” Clarke asked, pretending not to know what she was talking about.

 

“What did I say about bringing a date? And I thought you told me you and Lexa were only friends.”

 

“We _were_ just friends.” Clarke started. “Past tense. And yeah, I remember pretty clearly what you said about bringing a date.”

 

“I don’t think you remember.”

 

“I do,” Clarke replied. “And I’m dating Lexa as of last month so I figured, if I was going to bring a date, it should be the person I’m, well, dating.”

 

“But you know how you’re grandparents are going to react.” She reminded her. “Not to mention anyone else.”

 

“No worse than you, that’s for one.” Clarke said in response, not missing a beat.

 

“They don’t need to know who she is.” Her mom started. “If anyone asks, she’s just your friend.”

 

“No.” Clarke stated, shaking her head lightly. “Mom, you may be ashamed of me for dating a girl, but I’m not. This is the first time in a very long time that I’ve felt comfortable around someone like this and it means a lot to me.”

 

Abby didn’t bother defending herself; she knew it was no use with Clarke anymore. “And what is she wearing?” Her mom hissed.

 

“What about it?” Her daughter questioned.

 

She only glared at her. “The least you could’ve done was make sure she wore a dress. No one would even question who she was; they’d just assume she was a friend.”

 

“I think she looks great.” With that, Clarke walked away, returning to rescue Lexa from Kane.

 

.

 

Clarke was sitting at the bar with Lexa standing right behind her, doing her best to minimize the distance between them. Octavia and Lincoln had shown up only a couple of minutes ago, she was sitting next to Clarke asking how her mom reacted with Lincoln sitting on the stool next to his girlfriend, listening intently.

 

“Clarke?” She heard someone behind her. The voice was familiar but she couldn’t quite tell who it was.

 

Mustering a smile, she turned around, it was one of her cousins and his wife. _Great._ “Hi.”

 

“Hi,” He greeted. “I didn’t see you at the Christmas party, I heard you were there but I didn’t see you.”

 

“I left early.” Clarke replied.

 

“Who’s this?” He asked, motioning towards Lexa, eyeing her uncomfortably; it seemed to Clarke that almost everyone was put off by her outfit. _HONESTLY, WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL?_ She wanted to ask.

 

“This is Lexa,” She smiled. “Lexa, this is Max, my really annoying younger cousin.” Clarke joked.

 

“Wait, Max?” Octavia interrupted. “The chubby, eight year old who broke his arm jumping off Clarke’s tree house pretending to be Superman?”

 

He laughed at the memory and Clarke suppressed a laugh, it was a good call bringing Octavia. “Yep that’s me and I can’t believe that someone actually remembers that.”

 

“Octavia, I don’t know if _you_ remember.” She reintroduced herself.

 

“Clarkey’s best friend for as long as I can tell? How can I forget?” He smiled.

 

“Clarkey?” Lexa asked with an amused smile, looking at Clarke.

 

“No.” She stated simply, looking at Lexa. “Don’t even.”

 

“So how do you two know each other?” Max’s wife asked.

 

“We met through Octavia’s boyfriend, Lincoln,” Clarke started, motioning towards Lincoln with a nod who smiled and gave them a small ‘ _hi_ ’. “She’s my girlfriend.”

 

The two of them laughed. “Funny, so…friend?” He said.

 

“Umm no…” She shook her head slightly. “We’re kinda together.” Lexa slung her around Clarke’s shoulder and gave them a small smile.

 

“Okay…” Max muttered, clearly uncomfortable. “I’ll see you guys around.” He told them as he walked away.

 

The moment he was out of earshot, Octavia burst out laughing and Lexa couldn’t stop herself from smiling, Lincoln joined his girlfriend and Clarke only rolled her eyes, “See, what I mean?” She looked at Lexa. “And this wasn’t even that bad.”

 

“Your grandparents are here right?” Octavia asked and Clarke nodded in response. She turned to look at Lexa. “Just you wait till they see you.”

 

“Should I be…worried?” Lexa asked the two of them.

 

“Just be yourself.” Octavia told her.

 

.

 

And Octavia was right. Clarke’s grandparents started off as nice but they changed the moment they caught a glimpse of Lexa. She was getting a drink for Clarke when they’d walked up to the blonde and by the time Lexa came back, she didn’t sound too happy. Once Clarke introduced her, they literally stopped talking for a few moments and then walked away without another word, only disapproving looks. Octavia was enjoying this way too much and Clarke was more than just a little done with everything. “I really should’ve just stayed home.” She said to the others. “I’d rather be on the couch with you watching whatever’s on TV.” Clarke looked at Lexa. “I’m sorry I dragged you into this.”

 

“No, its fine.” Lexa reassured her. “It doesn’t really bother me anymore.”

 

“And the look on everyone’s faces when Clarke tells them you’re dating is just priceless.” Octavia added, Lincoln nodding in agreement.

 

“But it bothers you…” Lexa looked back at Clarke.

 

“It really shouldn’t…” Clarke sighed. “It’s just…” She sighed. “Nope, I’d rather not go down that road.” She stood up from her seat and held out her hand for Lexa. “Dance with me.” Only then did Lexa realize the soft music playing in the background. Lincoln followed Clarke’s lead as Lexa took her hand and stood up.

 

“Is your mom going to be okay with this?” Lexa asked they moved slowly to the music, her hands resting on Clarke’s waist and Clarke’s arm around Lexa’s neck.

 

“Probably not.” She replied. “But I don’t want to think about that now.” Clarke rested her head Lexa’s shoulder. “I don’t want to think about anything else right now.” And she didn’t. Even if it was for just a few brief minutes she didn’t think of anything else; not about what her mom thought about her and Lexa, not about all the eyes she could feel staring at the two of them. Just Lexa and how peaceful she felt in that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Always appreciate the feedback. Also the fic is coming to an end and that's kinda making me sad.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time jump, Lexa and her parents, a lot of clexa - some fluff, some not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its all fluffy and then its not oops.

Octavia groaned, “If you two don’t stop, I’m going to be sick.”

 

Octavia, Raven, Clarke and Lexa were all at Bellamy’s place, Lincoln was supposed to join them too but got caught up with work. It was nicer than his last place to say the least; a two-bedroom apartment on the top floor. They were sitting on the roof, Bellamy only a few feet away from the girls, at the barbeque. The weather was almost perfect today, maybe a little warm but being up this high made it windy. Clarke and Lexa were sitting across from Octavia and Raven; Lexa’s arm around Clarke and only a moment ago, her lips on Clarke’s as well. They pulled apart for only a moment, Clarke’s head turning to look at her friends and saying, “Try and stop us.” before she went back to kissing her girlfriend.

 

“You two make me sick.” Raven chimed in, jokingly as Octavia made gagging noises.

 

Clarke held up her free hand, giving them the finger as she kissed Lexa harder. After finally pulling apart, Lexa turned to the two of them, “It is kind of your fault.”

 

Clarke only nodded, “Yep,”

 

“Yeah but we didn’t think you two would get all lovey-dovey and disgusting.” Octavia added.

 

“I’m going to get a drink,” Lexa said, beginning to stand up. “Do you want one?” Clarke nodded as she walked away, staring for a moment. _Summer is great_ , Clarke found herself thinking something she never thought she would. Lexa was wearing a loose tank top which not only showed off her perfectly toned arms and the extraordinary tattoo but it also gave a peek at the one on her back.

 

“Stop staring.” Raven nudged at her, bringing her out of her thoughts.

 

“But I don't want to.” Clarke whined, finally tearing her eyes away from her girlfriend.

 

-

 

“Ready to go?” Clarke asked, walking up to Lexa’s desk.

 

A smile broke out on her face as Lexa looked up from the paper she was writing in, recognizing the voice. “What are you doing here?”

 

“Well,” Clarke sat down on the chair next to her girlfriend’s desk. “I got a call from your partner, telling me you got a mild concussion and shouldn't be driving.”

 

“She called you?” Lexa asked, surprised and a little disappointed.

 

Clarke nodded just as Lexa’s partner walked up to them with a cup of coffee.

 

“You called her?” Lexa asked.

 

Caris only nodded.

 

Clarke introduced herself to Caris, they hadn’t met until now, so it was a surprise for when she got the call. Clarke was a little worried but Caris assured her Lexa was fine but could use a ride back home.

 

“What happened this time?” Clarke asked knowingly as Lexa began putting away her papers.

 

“I hit my head.”

 

“She got punched by a suspect twice her size, knocking her out because Detective Woods here doesn’t wait for back-up.” Her partner added.

 

“Right,” Clarke nodded before turning back to Lexa. “That explains the bruise.”

 

“Let’s just go.” Lexa said with a small smile, standing up and pulling on her jacket.

 

Clarke followed, saying good night to Caris before walking out with Lexa.

 

.

 

“I’ll get you some ice for that.” Clarke shook her head, walking to the kitchen as Lexa took a seat on the couch. The apartment was empty, With Octavia and Lincoln out of town; Clarke knew the apartment would be empty for the week.

 

“I’m fine.” Lexa called out from the living room.

 

“Uh huh.” Clarke disregarded her and walked back to the couch with an ice pack. “Come here, let’s take a look at that.” She touched Lexa’s face, causing her to flinch, her jaw was already starting to bruise. “Did you get yourself checked out?” Clarke asked, placing the ice against her face and using her other hand to bring up Lexa’s hand to hold it.

 

“Yeah,” Lexa leaned back against the couch, her eyes closing. “I’m fine. Really.”

 

“A mild concussion doesn’t really say ‘I’m fine’.” Clarke turned on her side, leaning back to look at Lexa with a worried expression, her tone now more concerned. “You need to be more careful.” She said softly.

 

“No promises.” Lexa told her. “You know me.”

 

“That’s what worries me.” Clarke sighed.

 

-

 

“So where are you going?” Octavia asked as she crossed her legs on her friend’s bed.

 

“I don’t know.” Clarke replied mindlessly, looking through her closet. She let a few moments pass before turning around to face Octavia. “What am I supposed to wear if I don’t know where we’re going?”

 

“Good point,” She commented. “Lexa didn’t say anything about where she was taking you?”

 

Clarke only shook her head slowly, “Nope.”

 

“Alright,” Octavia hopped off the bed, walking up to her best friend. “Well you don’t want to be overdressed…or under.” She looked into the closet and Clarke took a step back. “I can’t believe it’s been a year you two’ve been together.” She said without looking at her friend.

 

“I know right.” Clarke sighed, a small smile playing on her lips.

 

“Here,” Octavia turned to her after a moment and handed her a white top. “And this,” She handed her a black leather jacket. “I’d say wear it with jeans, dark, and…heals, also dark.” Octavia smiled.

 

“Thanks.”

 

Lexa arrived about an hour later, just as Clarke walked out of her room. Before she could answer the door, Octavia practically ran up to it.

 

.

 

“So…” Lexa said once they’re plates had been cleared. Clarke picked up her glass of wine, taking a small sip and waiting for Lexa to continue. “I’ve been meaning to give you something,” She reached into her pocket, pulling out something discretely. She placed it softly on the table and slid it across to Clarke.

 

Clarke looked down at the key questioningly; as far as she could tell, it looked like an ordinary key. “What’s this?”

 

“I figured,” Lexa started. “You already have the key to my heart, so you might as well have the key to my…” She stopped, correcting herself. “ _Our_ apartment.”

 

“I already do.” Clarke replied with a small smile before registering what Lexa had just said. “Wait…” Her smile disappeared as realization hit her. “Our?”

 

Lexa’s smile widened. “Move in with me.” She said softly.

 

.

 

She looked over at the blonde sleeping next to her. Her back facing Lexa and her hair splayed out onto the pillow next to her. The steady breathing meant Clarke was asleep and Lexa couldn’t take her eyes off of her. They both seemed to finally catch a break. She doesn’t remember the last time she felt like this around someone, for someone. Neither does Clarke; hell, Clarke doesn’t remember the last time she thought she’d let herself feel this way for someone again.

 

Gently moving the hair out of her face, Lexa placed a small kiss on her cheek. “I love you.” She said softly, not wanting to wake up Clarke.

 

A few moments passed before Lexa laid back down on her side. “I love you too,” Came Clarke’s response.

 

Lexa only smiled, letting the silence fill the air around them as she wrapped her arm around Clarke.

 

.

 

“SHE DIDN’T!” Raven exclaimed the next morning when Clarke told them about the previous night.

 

“She did.” Clarke nodded calmly, doing her best to contain the excitement.

 

“You said ‘ _yes_ ’ right?” Octavia asked.

 

It was a little past noon and the three of them were sitting in the Raven’s kitchen. Clarke had obviously spent the night with Lexa and left a little after Lexa got called in for work. Octavia was already here when Clarke arrived.

 

“I did.” Clarke smiled, unable to hold it back any longer.

 

Octavia let out a squee, rushing over to hug her friend. “Oh my god, that’s so great.”

 

“Real talk though.” Raven interrupted after a moment. “We’re really happy for you Clarke. Lexa seems like an amazing person and we really like seeing you happy.”

 

“Thanks.” Clarke smiled. “She is amazing, and I'm lucky to have her.”

 

“She's lucky to have you.” Octavia corrected. “We haven’t seen you like this in a while so it’s nice. And I don’t know what Lexa’s doing, but I hope she keeps doing it.”

 

.

 

Unpacking her things was a lot more work than packing. Almost half of Clarke’s clothes were already at Lexa’s place. And it didn’t take them too long to have the remaining things in boxes. Rearranging around _their_ apartment took most of the day, moving things, finding room for Clarke’s things…It wasn’t only Lexa’s apartment now and by the second day, it was very clear. The apartment was mostly barren before; no pictures on the walls, not much decoration around the place, nothing personal anywhere other than in Lexa’s bedroom. Other than a couple of pictures, you’d think no one even lived there. Once they'd started dating though, things started to change; little bits and pieces of Clarke found their way to the apartment, a couple of pictures of her and Lexa, even Clarke’s notebooks and papers managed to find their way there… It was even more different now. A couple of Clarke’s paintings hung on the wall – Lexa’s decision not Clarke’s, they were always stacked up against the wall before and Clarke wasn’t too sure – there were a couple of framed pictures around the place – of Clarke with her friends. Her painting easel was on the far end of the living room, along with her paints and brushes.

 

“Have I taken over?” Clarke asked, looking around the place, they were finally done and had just sat down in front of the TV with a box of pizza.

 

“Not at all.” Lexa replied, looking around. “I like it. It feels…” She paused, trying to find the right words. “…more personal.” She looked back at Clarke. “Like someone actually lives here.” Lexa joked, remembering back to how a little after they'd met, Clarke had told her it was hard to believe that someone actually lived here.

 

They went back to watching TV, there was a rerun of this crime show they’d recently caught up to, _Castle_ , and the episode was definitely worth rewatching. It was a happy ending, _for a change_ , Clarke thought, the two leads had been breaking their hearts for the first four seasons and now again for the last few episodes, it was frustrating to say the least. So it was nice watching the episode where they finally made up again.

 

“Hey,” Clarke turned to look at Lexa as the credits rolled.

 

“Hmm?” She hummed in response.

 

“I love you.” Clarke said simply.

 

A smile broke out on Lexa’s face involuntarily. “I love you too.”

 

-

 

“Ugh,” Lexa groaned as her phone rang on the nightstand. She’d had a long night at the precinct and gotten home around 2am. Lexa had thought Clarke would already be asleep but walking in through the door, she saw the light in the study turned on. Walking in, she found her girlfriend sitting on the floor, earphones plugged in and surrounded by numerous papers scattered all over the floor. There was a perfectly usable desk right there but Lexa decided not to question it.

 

She silenced the phone as she picked it up, looking over at Clarke to make sure she hadn’t woken up. Although Lexa had gotten home late, she’d gone to bed before Clarke. Apparently there was a paper due today which she hadn’t finished. Lexa looked at the caller as she walked out of the room, pulling the door closed behind her. “Who is this?” She answered, looking down at the watch on her wrist, 6:58am. Clarke didn’t need to be up for another hour but she’d be up in a few minutes when she’d notice Lexa was gone.

 

“Alexandria Woods?” Asked a woman from the other side.

 

“Yes,” Lexa nodded to herself before repeating. “And who is this?”

 

She heard a sharp intake of breath. “It’s your mom.”

 

Lexa’s not sure how many thoughts crossed her mind at that moment, confusion, disbelieve and anger were definitely some of them. “What?” She managed to ask.

 

“It’s your mom.” The voice repeated.

 

“I don’t have time for this.” She muttered, about to hang up.

 

“Lexa, wait, don’t hang up.”

 

She remained quiet for a moment. Lexa sat down on the couch before speaking again. “Give me one good reason.” She said calmly.

 

“Your dad’s dying.”

 

“So?” Lexa responded, not missing a beat. “Is that supposed to mean something to me?”

 

“He wants to see you.”

 

She scoffed. “I highly doubt that.”

 

“Don’t be like that, please.” Her mom paused. “He only has a few more days at best. Please, he’s sorry for what he did and he really does want to see you.”

 

“Well…” Lexa let a moment pass. “I don’t want to see him.”

 

A few minutes later, she had no choice but to give in. Mostly because she just wanted her mom to stop talking. “Fine. I’ll think about it.” She tossed the phone on the coffee table in frustration, causing it to hit the table with a clang just as Clarke walked out of the room.

 

“What’s wrong?” She asked, walking up to Lexa.

 

“Huh?” Lexa turned around to look at her, momentarily taken aback. “Oh, it was nothing.” She shook her head, dismissing it.

 

Clarke sat down next to her. “I know when you’re not telling me something.” She tried gently.

 

Lexa remained silent, Clarke not saying anything. She knew the best way to get Lexa to talk was to not push.

 

And eventually it worked; she let out a sigh before finally speaking, not looking at Clarke. “It was my mom.”

 

Clarke did her best to not show her surprise. “What?”

 

Lexa only nodded.

 

“What did she want?”

 

“My dad’s dying and _apparently_ he wants to see me before that.”

 

“You don’t think he does?”

 

Lexa scoffed. “The last time I saw him, he said he wanted nothing to do with me and that he never wanted to see me again…so I highly doubt he wants to see _me_ in his last few days.”

 

Clarke nodded slowly before asking. “What about you?”

 

Lexa looked at her questioningly, waiting for her to elaborate.

 

“Do you want to see him?”

 

“No,” She replied. “I don’t want to see him…or my mom.”

 

Lexa thought about it all morning; she’d zoned out Clarke more than half the time, which she felt bad about. They both left the apartment together, walking down to their cars.

 

“Hey,” Lexa called out as Clarke began to walk away to her car. “I’m sorry.”

 

“About what?” Clarke asked.

 

“I’ve been out of it all morning and…”

 

“It’s fine,” Clarke gave her a small smile. “So what are you thinking?”

 

Lexa let out a deep breath, “I think I might go…if I get out of work a little early. But I’m not too sure.”

 

Clarke nodded slowly. “I can go with you…if you want. Even if it’s just to wait in the car.”

 

.

 

“Well that went terribly.” Clarke said as the two of them walked out Lexa’s parents’ house.

 

Lexa was almost physically fuming and Clarke couldn’t really do anything to calm her down. “That’s an understatement.” She rolled her eyes, getting into the car.

 

Clarke sat down in the driver’s seat and looked over at Lexa before closing her door.

 

“Let’s just go.”

 

Lexa didn’t really want to talk about it and since Clarke was already there through it all, she didn’t really need to. It’s suffice to say her dad _didn’t_ want to see her and that it was only her mom’s way of getting her to see him one last time. If anything, seeing Lexa only made him more upset. And maybe bringing Clarke along wasn’t the greatest thing but at the same time, she’s probably what stopped her from killing anyone, _probably_. Her mom wasn’t too happy to find out who the blonde was but Clarke didn’t mind their reaction. She was there for Lexa and to stop things from getting too bad. Which is exactly what she did.

 

“I’m still not enough…” Lexa muttered after they got home. She hadn’t spoken at all the entire drive back. She’d walked straight through the living room and to the balcony. Clarke knew that’s where she liked to go every time something was bothering her and Lexa needed to clear her mind. Wordlessly, Clarke followed. “Never enough.” She sighed, leaning against the railing.

 

“Don’t say that.” Clarke told her, her tone serious, waiting for Lexa to look at her. “Don’t you dare say that.” She placed a hand on her arm.

 

Lexa clenched her jaws, holding back tears, not wanting to look at Clarke.

 

“Hey,” She tried again. “Lexa…”

 

Lexa suddenly cleared her throat, “I’m going to get something to drink.” She stepped back, walking back into the living room.

 

“For the love of god.” Clarke breathed out, remaining in her spot.

 

Lexa returned a few minutes later with two bottles of beer in her hand. She seemed more composed as she stepped outside again and handed one of the bottles to Clarke.

 

“You try to blow me off again I swear to god…” Clarke started sternly when she noticed Lexa had composed herself.

 

She shook here head, taking a swig from the bottle. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to, I just…I don’t know Clarke.” She sighed looking at her. “I was fine till I had to see them again.”

 

Clarke placed a comforting hand on her back.

 

“They pick at everything; my job, my life, who I date… _me_. Nothing’s ever enough and I’m just sick of feeling like I’m not.” Her voiced started to crack and Lexa looked away from Clarke, the wind blowing her hair on to her face, not letting Clarke see the tears. “I’m not good enough, I get it. I don’t need to reminded again and again.” She brought a hand up to her face, brushing the hair away.

 

“You are more than _just_ enough.” Clarke tried slowly, swallowing a lump in her throat. She couldn’t stand Lexa talking about herself like that. She was everything she could ask for and it was sad how Lexa didn’t see that; only seeing her faults and invalidating her feelings. “You are to me.” She paused. “You are sweet and amazing and a lot of other good things that no one tells you.” Clarke paused again. “But I do, and you never listen.”

 

Lexa scoffed.

 

“Case in point.” She pointed out. “I know it’s not easy to let go of something you’ve been hearing for so long, even if  it’s not true. So I’ll say it again. And again. And again. Until you believe me. You’re everything and you’re enough. You care a lot about things you could let go without being questioned on, that’s what makes you such a good detective. You’re hardworking, god knows I wouldn’t give up my weekends and holidays chasing killers. And I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else in this moment. I feel safe around you, Lex, I haven’t been able to say that in a very long time. You are more than just good enough; you’re a lot more than anything I could ask for. You’re this amazing person who I fell in love with and wouldn’t change anything about.”

 

She turned to look at Clarke, her back now against the railing. Lexa bit her lower lip, holding back the tears. “What did I do to deserve you?” She choked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to make Lexa asking Clarke to move in all cute and kinda cheesy and adorable and probably ridiculous; and I think I did. Thoughts on the chapter?


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picks up from the last chapter. Then there's a slight time jump. Its all Clexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I took a while to update. The two chapters after this one are pretty much connected and I wanted to have them all written before I posted this one. It's kinda short compared to the last ones but I hope you guys like it. And sorry again for taking this long to update.

“Lexa?” Clarke asked, sitting up straight in the darkness. They were up till past midnight, Lexa unable to sleep after everything that happened with her parents. But once in bed, it didn’t take her too long to fall asleep, Clarke actually fell asleep after Lexa. But when Clarke rolled over to her side and reached out for her girlfriend, there was nothing there other than the empty sheets. She turned on the small light on the nightstand and looked around, the clock read 2:03am, the door was open and Lexa was nowhere in sight.

 

Getting out of bed, Clarke made her way out to the living room. She noticed the balcony door open and immediately realized that that’s where she was.

 

“Hey,” She approached slowly. Lexa stood there in silence, her back to Clarke and leaning against the railing. Clarke thought the wind blowing made it too loud for Lexa to have heard her. She stepped closer to her, settling beside her, “Hey,” Clarke repeated, gently touching her arm.

 

“Hey,” Lexa replied, realizing for the first time she was there. “Did I wake you?”

 

“No,” Clarke told her. “Can’t sleep?”

 

She shook her head slowly.

 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” She asked, sliding her arm around her waist.

 

“You don’t wanna hear it.” Clarke could hear her voice cracking.

 

“I do.” She told her gently. “I’m always here for you, Lexa, whatever you want to talk about.”

 

“I just haven’t felt like this in a very long time.” Lexa bit her lower lip, trying to hold back the tears. “Seeing my parents…it just brought back so many memories.” Without realizing her hand raised to her side where she knew her scars were. “And I just feel really overwhelmed right now.” She wasn’t looking at Clarke, but she could see the tears slipping down Lexa’s cheeks. “Everything I’ve pushed down and tried so hard to forget about…it all just came rushing back.”

 

“Hey,” Clarke pulled her closer. “It’s alright.”

 

Lexa placed her head on Clarke’s shoulder, not saying anything and unable to keep the tears from falling. “I thought I was okay. I thought I put it all behind me.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Clarke muttered finally, not knowing what else to say.

 

“I can still remember feeling so alone.” She continued. “I don’t think that feeling ever stopped.” Lexa turned her head to look at Clarke. “Until I met you.” She paused. “I don’t know why, but you’re the only person with whom I don’t feel alone. Anya, Lincoln, Costia…sure they were there; especially Anya, but I don’t think I’ve ever _not_ felt like I was alone until you came along.”

 

“Well, I’m right here.” Clarke nodded. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

 

-

 

“Woods.” Her captain called out from her office, bringing Lexa out of her thoughts. She was looking at the murder board, trying to find something they might have missed. Lexa had planned on spending the night with Clarke, watching a movie over dinner. They’d both had a busy week, barely getting to see the other except at night; and it was Friday, Clarke was done with all her work for the week and Lexa was praying that they would have their killer within a decent hour so she could go home and spend some time with her girlfriend.

 

“Captain,” Lexa replied, walking towards the Captain’s office.

 

“Close the door.” She did as she was told, standing across the desk. “Take a seat.”

 

“Something wrong?” Lexa asked, sitting down.

 

“Do you remember that serial killer case you and Anya helped with a little after getting into homicide?”

 

Lexa nodded slowly before replying, “The one that we couldn’t solve?”

 

“Yes,” Indra nodded reluctantly. “Well, he’s back.”

 

“What?”

 

“Not here. Miami.”

 

Lexa waited a second, not sure where this was going. “What does that have to do with me?”

 

“They need someone who knows the case.” She told her. “And considering how the five other detectives are either dead or retired…you’re my best bet.”

 

“But I was just helping with canvasing and other small things. I didn’t _really_ work the case.”

 

“But you’ve read the file more times than anyone else in here.”

 

Lexa only nodded.

 

“They need you to go down there.”

 

She remained silent, thinking about what to say. “I take it its not open for discussion?”

 

“Not really.” Indra shook her head. “Unless there’s some reason you _can’t_ go.”

 

Lexa nodded slowly. “How long will it take?”

 

“Could be only a few days or over a month.”

 

Lexa remained quiet, Clarke wasn’t going to be happy about this. Hell, _she_ wasn’t happy about this. She doesn’t want to leave Clarke for as long as a couple of nights let alone over a month. _I can’t._ She wanted to say but that wouldn’t change anything. “Can’t Miami PD handle it on their own?”

 

“They have no idea what’s going on but they have two dead cops, killed the exact same way as the ones here.” She told her. “Feds got wind of it and they don’t want to let him slip again.”

 

Lexa sat there, unsure of what she could say to get herself from not having to go. But after talking to her captain for a few more minutes, she realized there wasn’t anything to do other than go home and talk to Clarke about it.

 

“Go home, get some rest. I don’t know the next time you will.” Indra told her and Lexa nodded, beginning to get up. “And talk to your girlfriend, I think she’ll understand.”

 

Lexa knew Clarke would understand. But she wouldn’t be too happy about it. Especially considering the fact that it was really dangerous and there was a chance she would be targeted. Lexa couldn’t stop thinking about it as she drove back home, the heavy rain pouring down on the car. It was calming, but she couldn’t stop thinking about it. Clarke and Lexa hadn’t been apart for more than two days at a time in the last seven months Clarke had moved in; Lexa had spent a couple of nights at the precinct working cases and Clarke had gone out of town with Octavia and Raven one weekend. _I can think about that later_ , Lexa thought, pulling up to their apartment.

 

“Hey babe.” Clarke greeted her as she walked in through the front door.

 

“Hey,” Lexa smiled back walking up to kiss her. “I’m just going to go change then I’m all yours.”

 

.

 

They were sitting on the couch, Lexa’s arm around Clarke and a carton on Ben and Jerry’s cookie dough ice cream between them. Empty take out boxes sat on the coffee table as _Imagine Me and You_ played on the TV; it was only yesterday that Clarke found out Lexa had never watched it, so obviously, Clarke took it on herself to make sure she did.

 

“Feels like I’ve barely seen you this week.” Lexa said, digging into the ice cream with her spoon looking for a chunk of cookie dough.

 

“That’s because we haven’t.” Clarke replied, mindlessly putting a spoonful on ice cream in her mouth as she continued looking at the TV screen. “I had a lot to do this week and I can’t believe I got it all done and you’ve been working that case till like 2am everyday.”

 

“Yeah,” Lexa replied.

 

“Speaking off, did you catch the killer?”

 

“Not yet.”

 

“I thought you’d be at the precinct then.” Clarke asked, surprised, turning her head to look at Lexa.

 

“Something came up.” Lexa simply replied. But before Clarke could ask what, she spoke again. “How was your day?”

 

“Well I handed in my last bit of work and I have nothing to work on over the weekend.” She smiled. “So as long as you don’t catch another case and get home at a decent hour, I’m spending it with you.”

 

Lexa forced a smile, knowing she won’t be home at all this weekend and probably the next couple of weeks for that matter.

 

“What?” Clarke asked, her face changing in a flash.

 

She sighed; she really needs to talk to Clarke about it already. Grabbing the remote, Lexa pressed paused on the movie and Clarke gave her a look, more worried than confused. “Something came up.”

 

“And…” If Lexa didn’t know any better, she’d say Clarke was holding her breath.

 

She took a deep breath, thinking about where to start. “Me and Anya work-…helped with this serial killer case, who only targeted cops; it was one of our first ones after getting into homicide.” Clarke nodded, still unsure of where this was going. “And he didn’t get him but he stopped killing and after a while, the task force gave up.” She paused. “Well…he’s back.”

 

Clarke’s eyes widened.

 

“Not here. In Miami.” Lexa told her. “And they need me over there.”

 

Clarke remained silent for a few moments, letting it sink in. “Miami?” She finally muttered.

 

Lexa only nodded.

 

“How long are you going to be gone?”

 

“I don’t know.” She gave a small shrug. “It can be as little as a couple of days or it can be as long as over a month.”

 

“Wait, you said he killed only cops, isn’t that dangerous?” Clarke asked.

 

Lexa only nodded. “Bu-”

 

“Lexa you can’t expect me to be okay with that.” She told her. “What if something happens to you?”

 

“I’ll be fine.” She tried to reassure Clarke.

 

“You don’t know that.”

 

Lexa sighed. “Yeah, I don’t know that. But this is out of my hands, you have to understand.”

 

“I do…” Clarke nodded. “It’s just…this was never part of it, going away for a few weeks? And this is more dangerous than what you’re usually up against.”

 

“I know.” Lexa nodded. “And I don’t want to go. I don’t want to be away from you for that long.” She looked at her, studying what was going through Clarke mind. “But there’s nothing I can do about it.”

 

“Why not someone else? There were other people working the case.” By now it was clear that Clarke was more than a little upset and unimpressed with the whole thing.

 

“One of them retired. Two of them got killed during the investigation. Anya’s on me. And the other detective died in a car crash last year.”

 

“Two of the investigating detectives got murdered by the killer?” Clarke exclaimed. “And you’re going after him? Are you serious?” She asked, Lexa picking up on the anger now evident in her voice, but very slightly.

 

She nodded slowly.

 

Clarke stood up, walking away to their room.

 

“Clarke wait,” Lexa followed her. “I know you’re mad at me.” She said, entering the room.

 

“I’m not mad at you.” She told her. “I don’t know if you’re going to be back alright and I…I don’t know if I can deal with it if something happens to you.”

 

Lexa didn’t say anything, only waited for her to continue.

 

“You’re not alone anymore.” Clarke went on. “You can’t keep throwing yourself out there like you used to because you didn’t have anyone waiting for you at home. Now you do. And I’m worried about you as it is… And Miami? Chasing a serial killer who only kills cops? What if something happens to you?” She stopped, waiting for Lexa to respond.

 

 _This is a rhetorical question, how do you expect me to reply?_ “I don’t know.” Lexa replied, reluctantly.

 

“Exactly,” Clarke said angrily. “You _don’t_ know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that happened. Thoughts on the chapter?


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa are having a difficult time being away from each other, so there are a couple of really cute conversations. And also Linctavia finally comes up again. Its mostly fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SECOND LAST CHAPTER OMG. This one's mostly Clexa and them dealing with being apart but it does give the chance for some cute conversations. Also Linctavia comes up. And yeah it's mostly clexa and I'd say its all pretty fluffy.

“Clarke?” She didn’t move. “I know you’re not asleep.”

 

They’d gone to bed, Clarke not having said another word to Lexa even as she packed her clothes for the next morning. She’d received an email with the details of her flight, telling her it was at 9am. Meaning she’d have to leave early and Lexa didn’t want to leave being on bad terms with Clarke. If distance did anything, it made things like this worse.

 

“Clarke please.” She tried again, propping herself on her elbow, looking at her. “I don’t want us to fight tonight. And I really don’t want to leave tomorrow morning with you being mad at me.”

 

Lexa waited a few seconds, waiting for Clarke to respond. Giving up, she lied back down but Clarke finally spoke. “I don’t want that either.” She turned on her side to look at Lexa. “I’m just worried about you.” She reached out and touching her cheek with the back of her fingers.

 

“I’ll be fine.” Lexa tried to reassure her.

 

“You don’t know that.” Clarke told her.

 

Lexa only sighed.

 

“What if something happens to you?” She repeated her question from earlier that night, only more calmly.

 

She really didn’t know how to answer that. Because there was no guarantee that she would be alright, especially with this case. But Lexa knew the dangers of her job, it never mattered until now, there wasn’t anyone waiting for her to come back home safe. “That’s never mattered until now.” Lexa told her slowly.

 

“I know.” Clarke nodded. “But now it does.” She looked at Lexa waiting for her to respond and she nodded.

 

“And it’s not just me anymore.” Lexa responded, knowing what Clarke was going to say. “I forget that some times…” She paused, having difficulty getting the words out. “Because it has been _just_ me for such a long time.” She stopped again and looked away from Clarke, a loose strand of hair falling over her face.

 

Clarke tucked it behind her ear.

 

“And I still can’t believe you’ve stuck around this long.”

 

“Lexa…”

 

She went silent for a moment before speaking again, “I’m going to be fine Clarke.” Lexa told her. “And I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

 

Clarke nodded reluctantly.

 

“You know I love you right?” Lexa asked, feeling a slight tug in her chest.

 

Clarke looked at her, surprised by what she was hearing. “Of course I know that. Why would you even need to ask me that?”

 

She shrugged.

 

Clarke knew Lexa needed a little reassurance every now and then, she’d ask similar questions a lot, but she’s never asked her that. “And you know I love you too, right?”

 

.

 

She looked out the window as the plane took off. Lexa thought back to Clarke and how much she didn’t want to leave New York and be away from her for this long. No matter how long it took to catch the killer, Lexa knew it would feel longer just because she was away from Clarke. Their goodbye kiss probably lasted a little bit too long and Clarke still lingered on her lips. “ _Be safe. I love you._ ” Her words still echoed in her ears. _God, this is not going to be easy_. Lexa found herself thinking. She felt a little out of character feeling that way, mostly because it had been less than an hour since she’d last seen Clarke.

 

Dropping her bags on the hotel room’s floor, Lexa reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. She unlocked the screen, the clock read 1:04pm, Clarke would probably be at home or with her friends.

 

“Hey,” She answered on the second ring.

 

“Hey,” Lexa greeted back with a smile. “I just got to the hotel.” She told her.

 

“Did you get there okay?” Clarke asked.

 

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded to herself. “Are you at home?”

 

“I’m at Raven’s place with her and O.” Clarke answered. “When are you going to the station?”

 

“They said they’ll send a uniform to take me there, considering how I know next to nothing about this place.” Lexa said lightly.

 

Just as Clarke was about to say something, Lexa spoke. “I’m sorry, I have a call coming in from one of the agents.”

 

“No, no,” She brushed it off. “It’s fine.”

 

“I’ll call you after I get back, okay?”

 

“Yeah, even if it’s late.” Clarke told her.

 

“Even if it’s late.” Lexa smiled before hanging up and answering the other call.

 

.

 

Walking in through the entrance of the station, Lexa was met a tall, handsome detective with hazel eyes and brown hair. He greeted her with a smile and introduced himself as Detective Daniel Anthony – who went by Atom because “It sounds cooler than Anton”. It was his case before the feds took over, detective _Atom_ didn’t really know why until they’d explained it to him, telling him about the murders in New York. He was still working on the case, only Special Agent Wallace Cage and his team was taking point. It was a slow day with not much to go on and Lexa catching them up on the case. There had been two murders in the last two weeks, victims killed the same way as the ones in New York. Both were homicide detective who didn’t really know each other, hell, they weren’t even from the same station.

 

“I think we should call it a night.” Agent Cage told them around 10pm.

 

Everyone in the room nodded, grabbing their things and beginning to walk out. Lexa remained a moment longer, taking her phone out of her pocket and looking at it for the first since leaving the hotel. There were a couple of texts from Clarke, asking her how the case was going, whether she’d eaten anything all day, and to remind her to be careful because if there was one thing she knew about her girlfriend, it was that Lexa was the most reckless person ever when it came to her work. Lexa texted back, saying they just called it a night and would call her as soon as she got back to her room.

 

“Walk you out?” Detective Atom asked as Lexa began walking towards the elevator, still looking at her phone and realizing for the first time he was still there.

 

Lexa put it away and gave him a polite smile, “Sure.”

 

“Do you maybe wanna get a drink?” He asked as they stepped out of the station.

 

“I can’t.” Lexa did her best at a polite smile. “There’s something I need to do.”

 

“Oh come on.” He tried. “You said this was your first time in Miami, I don’t think you have anywhere to be. And I’d like to get to know you, you’re captain had a lot of nice things to say.”

 

Lexa let out a sigh, “My girlfriend’s waiting for me to call her.”

 

“Girlfriend?” Atom’s face fell. “Oh, I…”

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, detective.” She told him as she walked away towards where the car she was to be driving was parked.

 

.

 

“Hey,” Clarke greeted as she answered the call, lowering the volume on the TV.

 

“Hey,” Lexa replied with a yawn as she sat down on the bed. She had called Clarke as soon as she got back to her hotel remove.

 

“Long day, huh?”

 

“Yeah,” She replied, letting herself lie down on the bed, her legs still sticking out.

 

“You should sleep.” Clarke replied.

 

“I will.” Lexa dismissed it. “How was your day?”

 

“Boring, uneventful.” She replied. “How’s Miami.”

 

“So far…” Lexa started. “Tiring and uneventful.”

 

They talked for a while, both of them losing track of time. Lexa was straining to keep herself awake but hearing Clarke’s voice made her feel a little better about not having seen her all day. Clarke on the other hand was still wide-awake, she had a slow day but knew that Lexa would be tired and she really wanted her girlfriend to get a decent amount of sleep.

 

“Get some sleep okay?” Clarke told her, about to hang up.

 

“Yeah,” Lexa closed her eyes, nodding to herself. “Don’t stay up too late. Whatever you’re watching can wait till tomorrow.”

 

“I’ll be in bed before the sun comes up.”

 

“Clarke.”

 

“I’m kidding.” She giggled and Lexa could hear the smile in her voice. “Good night, babe.”

 

“Good night.”

 

“I love you.”

 

“Love you too.”

 

-

 

It had already been over a week. And there was nothing to show for other than _another_ missing homicide detective, Glen Dickson. The team knew they didn’t have more than a day till they found the body. It took five days since the detectives went missing for them to be found dead; same as a few years ago in New York. It was more than just a little frustrating, and they desperately needed their killer to slip up. All the kills were perfectly consistent; even the bruises on the arms and torso were almost identical. Lexa didn’t have anymore insight on the murders than the FBI or Miami PD did at this point and she didn’t see the point of her still being here. Being away from Clarke was also probably one of the things she liked least about being here. They talked everyday at least once, FaceTiming whenever they got the chance and texts throughout the day; but it wasn’t the same as having her by her side. Being able to touch her. Hold her. Kiss her. She really needed to close this case and go back home.

 

“We got nothing.” Atom spoke up from his desk, throwing his pen on the desk in frustration.

 

“We’ll figure it out.” Agent Vie responded, still looking at the murder board…or rather _boards_.

 

“Optimism is great detective,” He started, walking up to her. “But it’s not getting us anywhere right now.”

 

“Any ideas, detective Woods?” She asked.

 

Lexa looked at her, gently shaking her head, “Unless the killer slips up somehow, I don’t think we are going to get anywhere with this case. We know nothing about the guy.”

 

“Okay,” Agent Cage spoke up. “What _do_ we know about him?”

 

“That it’s a him.” Atom replied.

 

Cage nodded, “How do we know that?”

 

“We caught a glimpse of him on a surveillance camera back in New York.” Agent Vie replied.

 

“Yes, but it was too far away to make a face.” Lexa added with a sigh, she’d lost count of how many times they’d been over it. “We know he has a beard…or did back then and what we think is a scar on the side of his face.”

 

“Can we estimate his height from that?”

 

“No.” Atom spoke. “It was a half shot…” He looked at Agent Cage confused, unsure of why he’d even ask that.

 

“Unless we can figure out who this guy is before tomorrow or we’ll have another dead cop on our hands.” Cage told them.

 

“And we don’t know that?” Detective Atom asked sarcastically as the others shot him confused looks.

 

If one thing was clear to Lexa from the start, it was that Detective Daniel “Atom” Anthony and Special Agent Wallace Cage did not get along. Hell, Cage didn’t even get along with his partner, Special Agent Maya Vie. Lexa mostly tried to stay out of his way, interacting mostly with the detective and agent Vie.

 

.

 

“How’s Lexa?” Octavia asked from across the table. She and Clarke were at _The Ark_. They’d been out the entire day and decided to stop there for a coffee before going back home.

 

“She’s good.” Clarke said, looking down at her phone. Lexa had only texted her in the morning to let her know she was leaving for work and it was past 6pm now so it was a little worrying that Clarke hadn’t heard from her all day. On the other hand, she figured they’d found something on the case and that Lexa was busy.

 

“And you?”

 

“I’m fine.” Clarke replied, looking at her friend.

 

“It’s been over a week,” She reminded her.

 

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded. “The case is going slow. They don’t have much to go on so…”

 

“Does it feel weird being away from her for this long after spending like the last few months…living together?” Octavia asked casually.

 

“It does.” Clarke smiled. “I miss her, yes. But…it’s work. And it’s important to her. I mean it’s a serial that got away once already, so it is really important.”

 

“Any idea when she’s getting back?”

 

“No,” She shook her head. It didn’t bother her that Lexa was gone, Clarke understood, it was work and it meant a lot to Lexa. Also stopping a serial killer was a big deal and something that really needed to be done. But _yes_ , she missed Lexa, it wasn’t the easiest thing to be away from her this long. Calls and FaceTiming helped but it wasn’t the same as seeing her in person, being able to hold her at night, having Lexa next to her while watching TV, making sure she was alright after getting back from work. “What about you?” Clarke asked Octavia, changing the subject.

 

“What about me?” She asked innocently.

 

“You and Lincoln.” Clarke stated. “How are you doing after…?”

 

Octavia let out a soft sigh. “I’m fine.”

 

It had been two days since she broke up with Lincoln and despite what she’d just said, Octavia wasn’t fine. Although it was her that ended things, she was still torn up about it. Things were getting a little rocky and neither of them were actually happy around the other anymore. They wanted different things, Lincoln wanted things to be more serious and Octavia wasn’t really up for that. This might also be a good time to mention that Lincoln had proposed to her…causing Octavia to freak out. But they talked it out and the two of them were fine for the next couple of days. After that…neither Clarke nor Raven were sure what really happened but things kind of just fell apart with them. About a week of that passed when Octavia realized this was going nowhere good and the best thing, for both of them, was to stop seeing each other.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I really liked him but…I don’t really want anything _that_ serious, you know?”

 

Clarke nodded.

 

-

 

“I miss you.” Lexa said. It had been two weeks and they were finally starting to make progress on the case. They’d gotten out pretty late, only a little before midnight and Lexa was tired. But she hadn’t had a proper conversation with Clarke in way too long so she decided she needed that more than an extra hour or two of sleep.

 

“I miss you too.” Clarke told her with a small smile.

 

Lexa smiled at the image of Clarke on her phone. Video calls were the best they could do and it was definitely better than just a phone call. “How are you? I feel like we haven’t really talked in the last few days.”

 

“We haven’t.” She said.

 

“I know and I’m sorry, I’ve been so busy it’s just…” Lexa apologized.

 

“No, no, it’s fine.” Clarke stopped her. “I totally get it. It’s work and it’s important. I mean hunting down a serial killer is a big deal and it’s not like this is how it’s always going to be. Just a little while.”

 

Lexa went silent for a moment; she doesn’t know what she did to deserve someone like Clarke in her life. It was more than just nice of her to be so understanding about this, not too many people would’ve been okay with it; being away this long, not knowing when she’s really coming back, barely getting the chance to talk for two whole weeks, and not to mention the fact that even normally, she worked ridiculously late hours and wasn’t home most weekends or holidays. Clarke was more than anything she could ever ask for, and Lexa felt like she wasn’t enough for her.

 

“Lexa.” Clarke pulled her out of her thoughts. “Everything okay?”

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Lexa nodded, trying to find something to say, something to tell Clarke how much she meant to her, how much she loved. She let out a soft sigh out of frustration. “I just really love you.” Lexa told her. “And I feel like I can’t say that enough time.”

 

“You already do.” Clarke smiled.

 

Lexa didn’t say anything for a few seconds, looking away from Clarke before softly muttering, “I don’t deserve you.”

 

Clarke’s face fell, her tone changing to a more serious one, “If you don’t stop saying that, Lexa, I swear to god.”

 

She sighed, her voice low and quiet. “But I don’t.”

 

“Listen to me,” Clarke started and Lexa looked back at her. “You are more than _anything_ I could’ve ever asked for, okay? And I love you more that I thought was possible. You mean the world to me, alright? And I need you to know that.”

 

Tears stung the back of her eyes, threatening to spill if she spoke a word, so Lexa just nodded slowly.

 

“I love you, and nothing can change that.” She told her.

 

Lexa sighed after a moment. “I can’t wait to get back home; I really miss you.”

 

“Me too,” Clarke nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what'd you think? (also thoughts on what I did with Linctavia? because I feel like not everyone's going to like that). Right, I think I gave off the impression that something bad was going to happen to Lexa so I hope the Clexa bits in this one made up for that :P
> 
> (Also, I can't believe the fic's coming to an end. Final chapter will be up on Friday/Saturday night, hopefully. Thanks for reading.)


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter. Mostly all Clexa and Lexa working the case...so to speak. Angsty but also heartfelt Clexa scenes. And I don't know what to write without giving it away so...Lexa, Clexa, the case (kinda), that's the chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter damn. Okay so, its mostly all Clexa because let's end on a high note right? Yep. And there's a bit of angst I think because I'm not ending a fic without that. But I won't say much. I really wanted to give it a proper ending and I think I did. But you know, let me know what you think because I'm still unsure about it.

“She hasn’t called me in four days,” Clarke said to her friends. “I’m getting worried.”

 

“Still nothing?” Bellamy asked from his seat on the floor. They were all at Octavia’s place. Clarke was worried since the first day Lexa hadn’t called her. Her friends had assured her that she was probably just busy with work but now, even they had to admit, it was worrying.

 

Clarke shook her head, she couldn’t stop thinking about Lexa, it was unlike her to not call one day let alone four, something had to be wrong and she couldn’t help but assume the worse.

 

“I’m sure she’s alright.” Octavia tried.

 

“I hope so…” Clarke replied. “But I have this sick feeling that something is wrong.” She couldn’t help but assume bad something had happened. The first morning, she woke up without a text, Clarke figured Lexa was in a rush that morning and didn’t get the chance to text her. Even when she hadn’t heard from the brunette all day, Clarke assumed it was because they’d finally caught a break and meaning she was busy. Nevertheless, she’d sent a text asking Lexa how her day was going. By the second day, Clarke was a little concerned, especially after not having received a call at night; no matter how late it got, Lexa always called. That’s when Clarke decided to call her…but it went to voicemail. She tried calling a few times the next day and all of today so far as well as sent her more countless texts. But no reply.

 

-

 

 **_~_ ** _4 days ago **~**_

 

“What the hell?” Lexa muttered to herself as she forced her eyes open. Her head and neck felt like she’d been hit by a truck. It hurt when she tried to open her eyes and Lexa could feel a sense of panic rising within her. Finally managing to open her eyes, she looked around; it was dark and it took her eyes a few seconds to adjust. Once it did, Lexa realized she didn’t recognize the place – not that she’d expected to – the place was gray and dusty, bigger than expected, the concrete floor was covered in dust, scratches and other marks put on it over the years, the walls seemed to be unpainted, and the only light was coming in through a small window high up on the wall to her left. Lexa looked down at herself, she was still fully clothed – the black t-shirt and her jeans. But her jacket and shoes were missing and so was her watch, and obviously her phone. She was propped up against the wall, half lying on a ratty old mattress, and her wrists were bound using what felt like handcuffs behind her back. Other than that, her body was free to move. _For now at least._ Lexa thought.

 

 _What’s the last thing I remember?_ She asked herself, having difficulty remembering. Thinking back for a couple of seconds, it came back to her. Lexa had been up almost the entire night trying to find something on the case. And as she poured her fourth cup of coffee, she noticed something fairly obvious which the team had missed. Looking down at the watch on her wrist, it read 5:42am. It was early, Lexa figured, but this couldn’t wait. So she grabbed her things and bolted out the door. Lexa had only unlocked the car when she felt something hit her head. And the next thing she knew…here she was.

 

She decided to take a look around before her captor returned, and try to figure out a way out of here – which seemed unlikely considering the fact that Lexa didn’t even have a door in her sight. Her body protested as she stood up, every muscle aching. Nevertheless, once on her feet, she walked around by the walls, it had to be either a basement or a well hidden room because it wasn’t an attic; not only was the ceiling flat, but every step she took, told her it wasn’t hollow underneath. There wasn’t much, Lexa realized as she finished going around; other than the mattress she’d woken up on, there was nothing other than what she assumed to be chains and shackles hanging of one of the walls. _Fucking great._ Another thing she realized was that there was no door…? _Wait, what?_ Confused, Lexa walked back to the center of the room slowly, and this time looking up at the ceiling. By the wall on the right to where she’d woken up, there seemed to be a latch on the ceiling.

 

Lexa stood underneath studying it, trying to think of a way to reach it when suddenly, it turned. The trap door swung open and a ladder slid down. She didn’t move, only stepped a couple of feet away from the ladder, watching as her captor climbed down. He didn’t have a beard anymore but the scar on his face was very much familiar to Lexa, it was definitely the man they were looking for. And the fact that he wasn’t wearing a mask told her the chances of her getting out of here alive were very slim.

 

-

 

 **_~_ ** _Present Day **~**_

 

“Woods?!” Lexa heard a muffled voice calling out her name. She was either starting to hear voices or someone was actually here other than her captor. It took her a moment to get herself up, her body bloody and bruised, her wrists now shackled to the wall but the chain was long enough for her to be able to take a few steps towards the trap door. Her body protested every small movement as she stood directly under it. Lexa saw no point in yelling for help, considering she lacked the strength for it to be heard unless the door was open.

 

 

Suddenly, it flew open and Lexa could only hope that one of her colleagues had found the door. But the moment was gone as soon as it had appeared when a ladder dropped down and her captor began to climb down, hastily but quietly; he looked at Lexa and motioned for her to remain silent as he began to close it. She knew this was her only chance at being heard, “I’m down here!” She called out, hoping her voice was loud enough to be carried up to them. He jumped off the few remaining steps in a rush to silent her before it was too late.

 

A few seconds later, the door swung open again but Lexa couldn’t see who it was with her captor standing over her; assuming – no, _hoping_ – it was someone from the station. He was pulled away and thrown on the floor when Lexa finally let herself believe that it was either one of the agents or detective Atom. She let out a sigh of relief, her breaths ragged as she relaxed against the floor she was laying on, not even bothering to look at who it was. The sound of the handcuffs was enough to tell her that it was one of her people.

 

Agent Vie rushed over to Lexa once she’d handed their killer to one of the uniform cops. She leaned down next to her, “Are you okay?”

 

Lexa nodded, her neck instantly telling her to stop. “I’m fine.” But her voice betrayed her; it came out as no more than a low, raspy whisper as she sat up.

 

“Uh huh,” She muttered sarcastically before turning her head towards the direction of the open trap door, “Can I get a couple of paramedics down here?”

 

“I’m fine, really.” Lexa tried to stand up but Maya stopped her.

 

“Don’t.” She told her. “Don’t move till they get here, you look hurt.”

 

.

 

Lexa sat on a hospital bed, now changed into a clean Miami PD t-shirt and hoodie, and a pair of dark sweat pants. She was waiting for someone to walk in through those doors and tell her she was cleared to leave. Lexa was going to catch the first flight back to New York; she needed to be home right now, with Clarke. After everything the last few days, she couldn’t stand being away any longer. Lexa closed her eyes, bringing her hand up to her neck; her shoulders and neck were killing her from being slammed against the concrete floor one too many times. There wasn’t much damage, the doctor treating her had said; bruises, a couple of cuts, nothing serious. There was a cut right above her left eyebrow which was held closed by a couple of butterfly bandages. Her jaw was also starting to bruise but the more visible ones were on her arms and torso – thankfully _not_ _visible_ to anyone else.

 

“Detective Woods?” The door opened and a nurse stepped inside.

 

Lexa nodded. “Can I go now?” Was the first thing she asked.

 

“You have been cleared, yes. But we would recommend keeping you here for the night for observation.”

 

“I can’t.” She responded. “I need to go.”

 

He nodded. “Okay, just sit tight, I’m going to get your meds.” He turned to leave. “Oh, there’s a detective waiting for you outside, do you want me to send him inside?”

 

“Yeah.” Lexa muttered, knowing very well it was detective Atom.

 

He entered a second later, closing the door behind him. “I thought they would keep you for the night.”

 

“They want to, but I don’t.” Lexa answered. “I need to get back home.”

 

“You sure that’s a god idea right now?” He asked gently. “You’re hurt, maybe you should spend the night at least at your hotel room before getting on the plane for three hours.”

 

She shook her head, “I’ll be fine.”

 

.

 

And she was. Lexa instantly felt a little better once the plane took off, knowing it was only a matter of hours before she was finally home. Detective Atom had given her a ride to her hotel to get her things and then to the airport. She had received a few weird looked for the cut on her face as well as the bruise which Lexa expected was only getting worse; but, honestly, she couldn’t care less. They had recovered all her personal belongings, including her phone but it was dead – not a surprise really. And Lexa was in too much of a rush to leave that she didn’t get the chance to even call Clarke.

 

.

 

Clarke unlocked the front door and walked into the empty apartment. It felt weird without Lexa there and she wasn’t sure how much longer they’d be away. Not only did Clarke miss her, but she was more worried than usual. A phone call, or even a text, that’s all she asked for. Something to let her know that Lexa was okay. Clarke pulled out her phone from her pocket as she walked to the bedroom, the clock on screen read 7:06pm and there were no text notifications, just the picture of Lexa and her she had as her lock-screen wallpaper. “Where are you?” She muttered.

 

The doorbell suddenly ringing almost made Clarke jump. She wasn’t expecting anyone and she knew it wouldn’t be Octavia or Raven considering she was just getting back home from Octavia’s place. Confused, Clarke walked back to the door when the doorbell rang again. “Hold on,” She called out. Finally unlocking it, she swung it open and the person on the other side made her eyes go wide in surprise. Everything was still and silent for a moment before Clarke threw her arms around Lexa.

 

The sudden impact took Lexa by surprise, causing her to stumble back half a step to stop herself from falling over. Once she’d registered what was happening, her hand let go of the bag she was holding, letting it drop on the floor and her arms came up to wrap around Clarke, holding her as close as possible. It was comforting to say the least, finally having Clarke’s arms around her; she needed this about four hours ago when they’d finally found her. Lexa held on to her tighter, the tips of her fingers digging into her shoulders. Clarke could feel the weight of the hug, immediately knowing that something was wrong. Lexa’s shaky intake of breath was only more confirmation when they finally pulled apart. She thought she would be angry at Lexa but something was definitely wrong and Clarke knew Lexa not calling wasn’t her fault. She studied her face, noticing the bruise and the cut straightaway. “What happened?” She asked gently, leading her inside, one hand on Lexa’s back and the other carrying her bag.

 

“It’s a long story.” Lexa said as they walked up to the living room and she let herself fall on the couch, Clarke sitting down next to her. “You don’t…you don’t know anything, do you?” She asked, mildly surprised by the fact that it wasn’t all over the news that one of the investigating detectives had been taken by the killer.

 

Clarke shook her head slowly.

 

“I was taken.”

 

“What?!” She didn’t know what she was expecting, but this was not it. “Was it…?” Clarke didn’t want to say the words, fearing that might make it true.

 

Lexa nodded slowly, her neck and shoulders not allowing her to. “I will tell you everything; I know you were really worried Clarke, I’m sorry.”

 

“No,” Clarke shook her head, “God, don’t apologize, you’ve probably been through hell, it wasn’t your fault.”

 

She let out a small sigh, no doubt agreeing to what Clarke was saying. “I’m just really tired and don’t have it in me to talk about it now.”

 

She nodded understandingly, “You look really tired.” Clarke reached out to her face, fingers ghosting over the bruise before caressing her cheek. “You want to take a nap?” Lexa nodded and Clarke stood up, holding out her hand. “Come on.”

 

She led her to their bedroom, her hand on Lexa’s back. “I’ll get you something to wear.” Clarke told her, opening one of the drawers and pulling out a t-shirt and a pair of pajama shorts as Lexa stepped out of her sweats and removed her hoodie. Clarke’s breath hitched as she caught a glimpse of the angry splotches of blue and purple all over her arms; the bruises were worse than she’d have thought. But she didn’t say anything, only moved closer to where Lexa was standing by the bed, and set down the clothes.

 

Clarke waited silently, not wanting to say anything but then Lexa pulled off her t-shirt, revealing her torso which looked like a morbid painting of blue and purple “Oh my god.” She breathed out.

 

Looking up, she found Lexa’s eyes, who was watching her intently, waiting for her reaction. “I’m fine.” Her voice was low but almost convincing; not enough to convince Clarke though.

 

“You don’t look like you are it.” She swallowed the lump in her throat, reaching out and placing her hand over a patch of skin on her side which was more blue than anything else.

 

“I am now.” Lexa almost whispered, placing her hand over Clarke’s and closing the distance between them as her lips touched her’s. It was gentle and soft and sweet and everything Lexa had missed the most the past few weeks.

 

Getting into bed, it felt like a weight had been taken off of her. The feeling of the pillow under her momentarily made her forget everything that had happened the last few days; there was something oddly comforting about being back in your own bed after a while, especially after the spending the last few days like that. And having Clarke next to her made it that much better. Lexa turned on her side, her back to Clarke as her arm found its way around Lexa. She pulled herself closer, placing a small kiss on the back of Lexa’s neck, “I missed you.”

 

“I missed you too.”

 

Clarke got out of bed only a few minutes later, reluctantly. Even though she didn't want to leave Lexa's side, she thought getting something to eat would be a smart idea. Knowing Lexa, she hasn't eaten the entire day and hell knows what happened in the last fourdays. It didn’t take her more than a few minutes to fall asleep and Clarke figured it would be at least a couple of hours before she woke. Walking out of the room, she closed the door gently behind her before making her way to the kitchen.

 

.

 

She was sitting on the couch about three hours later, in front of the TV when the door to the room opened noisily and Lexa stepped out. “Hey,” Clarke said. “Everything okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Lexa nodded, walking up to her but Clarke didn’t buy it, she kept looking at her waiting to speak up and eventually she did. “The door was closed.” She explained, sitting down. “And it was dark,” She continued reluctantly. “It’s stupid but I panicked. But I’m fine.”

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

 

She stopped Clarke, slowly shaking her head. “No, you didn’t know.” She watched as Lexa brought her hand up to her neck, rubbing it as she continued to speak after a brief pause. “There isn’t much to tell you really. You saw the bruises and well…it actually could’ve been a lot worse.”

 

“Worse?” Clarke asked rhetorically.

 

Lexa bit her lower lip and nodded. “But if the team was another day late…” She trailed off, taking in a shaky breath.

 

“It’s alright.” Clarke placed her hand on her back, gently rubbing up and down. “You’re okay.”

 

“I thought I wouldn’t get to see you again.” Her voice cracked and Lexa could feel tears stinging the back of her eyes. “I thought I was going to die in there.” She took a deep breath, calming herself down.

 

Clarke pulled her closer and Lexa rested her head on her shoulder. “That thought may have crossed my mind too.” Clarke confessed, it wasn’t likely for her to not hear from Lexa and she couldn’t help herself from assuming the worst – no matter how much she tried not to. “But I couldn’t bear the thought of that.” She could feel tears soaking through the fabric of her t-shirt. “I couldn’t bare the thought of not getting to see you again; I don’t know what I would do.” Clarke fought back tears; she didn’t know how it happened, how she fell so hopelessly in love with Lexa Woods…but she knew one thing, and that was that she wouldn’t change a thing about it.

 

“I’m sorry,” Lexa said after a moment. “I’m sorry I put you through that.”

 

“What? No.” Clarke cut in, taken aback. “Please don’t apologize, this wasn’t your fault. At all.”

 

“But you were worried and-” Lexa brought her head up, looking at Clarke, stopping with a sigh. “You deserve better than this.”

 

“Where is this coming from?” she tilted her head slightly in confusion.

 

It wasn’t coming from anywhere really. Lexa always had that thought at the back of her head. But after the last four days, and after hearing how that was on Clarke… “I didn’t want to put you through that. I think I already do enough to worry you with work and everything…I’m sorry about the last few days, I should’ve been more carefu-”

 

“Don’t do that.” She told her gently. “Don’t blame yourself, you had nothing to do with this.” Clarke looked at her, waiting for her to respond but Lexa remained silent. “I love you, no matter what, you know that right?”

 

“Yeah.” She could feel her chest tightening as she nodded, “And I still ask myself why.” Lexa muttered.

 

“Because…” Clarke took a deep breath, wanting to make her feel better. “Octavia and Raven pushed me off a cliff and I fell head-first for you.”

 

That got a small smile from Lexa. “Remind me to thank them.”

 

.

 

Clarke lay awake; Lexa was asleep next to her, her back facing Clarke and her arm around Lexa – their usual position. It was past 1am when they had finally gotten into bed. They’d stayed up, staring mindlessly at the TV screen, paying attention to nothing but each other’s presence. It took Lexa a little longer than last time to fall asleep but it had been at least two hours ago, but Clarke couldn’t. It was dumb, she knew that, but Clarke was afraid to look away from Lexa for even a moment fearing she’d be gone again.

 

She finally convinced herself to close her eyes when Clarke felt Lexa stir uncomfortably next to her. “Lexa?” She asked quietly, not wanting to startle her.

 

But she didn’t respond, still asleep.

 

“Baby, wake up.” Clarke tried. Nightmares weren’t unusual and by now, Clarke knew that the best thing to do was wake her up. She tapped on her shoulder lightly.

 

But instead of a slight surprise of being brought out of whatever memory was haunting her that night, Lexa almost jumped up, her breathing fast and heavy as she sat up.

 

“Hey,” Clarke followed, sitting up with a worried expression on her face. “What’s wrong?” But Lexa didn’t even seem to hear her. Clarke placed her hand on Lexa’s back. “Lexa…” She pulled her in closer and Lexa immediately buried her head in the crook of Clarke’s neck. “It’s okay.” Clarke tried, she could feel the tears and the warmth of her breath on her neck. She lowered them back onto the bed, lying down, Lexa’s body racking with sobs, the events of the last four days catching up to her.

 

Clarke waited a minute before speaking, Lexa’s sobbing was under control but her breathing was still uneven and panicked. “Can you hear my heartbeat?” She asked slowly, and Lexa nodded, her head resting on Clarke’s chest since they’d laid back down. “Focus on that, nothing else.” She said in an attempt to calm her down.

 

After a couple of minutes, Lexa found that it was actually working; she wasn’t feeling as panicked as before and her breathing was starting to calm down. She never understood the “Some times home isn’t four walls, its two eyes and a heartbeat” quote; but in that moment, it hit her, being with Clarke, that felt like home; whenever she looked into those intense blue eyes, or caught a glimpse of that smile…she felt at home – something, Lexa figured, she hadn’t felt with anyone till now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you have it, the not-so-epic epic conclusion to my longest ever fic. It was really fun writing it and I loved all the feedback and comments from you guys, I'm glad you all liked it. So yes, thank you so much for reading and let me know what you think of the ending.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is taking on a life of its own and also taking over mine. You can watch me freak out and ask dumb questions about the fic as I write this thing on k17l53.tumblr.com


End file.
